[mallardqduck]

I've been seeing a t. for 8 months for depression, and it wasn't that helpful, but she kept wanting me to come back because things weren't resolved. Also, the t. was about 10 minutes late to our appointments almost every session. I didn't feel like my time (or money) was being respected.

Anyway, I was going every two weeks but just didn't feel like it was helping and finally said after one appointment that my schedule was busy and I would call to schedule an appointment when I figured it (my schedule) out.

That was three months ago.

I don't intend to ever call her, because if I do need therapy again, I want to find someone different.

But at the same time, I feel like it's a bit odd that she hasn't called in the past three months to say "hey, what happened to you?" I mean, it's convenient for me that she hasn't, but it makes me wonder even more about the nature of the therapeutic relationship with her. I feel like a "good" therapist would care enough about a regular client to notice that they hadn't booked an appointment in months and at least place a call or leave a message for the person.

Does anyone have any feedback on this situation? Has anyone experienced a situation where a t. let an unannounced termination slide for months without even a phone call?

[TrespassersWill]

When I quickly stopped seeing my first T she didn't really seem to care. I mean there's always more patients out there. A month after I quit seeing her she sent me this weird note in the mail that said she had to under HIPPA regulations state that she was legally separating from my care or something like that. Then she said "on a personal note if you ever need me again don't hesitate to call". At that time I was going through a medical crisis and was surprised she didn't call to check see if I was ok. I showed that letter to my current T and she thought that it was a weird letter and that there was no HIPPA requirement like that. I've never heard again from the first T.

Honestly I think a lot of T's don't really care if you stop seeing them just like medical drs don't call you if you never come back again. After all to them its just business. I may be off, but that's my interpretation.

I'm a therapist.
As you stated: " I would call to schedule an appointment when I figured it (my schedule) out."
At my agency, I would document that in my notes. Then my supervisor would tell me not to call. I would have to wait for you to call. That would be respecting what you stated upon leaving.
I know it's hard, but you set the boundary saying YOU would call when you figured it out. It's not about me (the therapist) feeling comfortable and secure (which would be why I would want to reach out to a client like this) it's trusting our clients enough to address their needs when they feel the time is right.

[TrespassersWill]

Originally Posted by stormyangels

I'm a therapist.

At my agency, I would document that in my notes. Then my supervisor would tell me not to call. I would have to wait for you to call.

At the risk of sounding dumb, since when do therapists have "supervisors"? My therapist is a phD and works for/by herself. Don't most therapists? My first T did too though she was only a Ed.D. and not ph.D.

[deliquesce]

yeah, i agree with stormy. my old-T made it very clear that he had clients who would drop in and out of therapy, and some (many!) who would say they would call in the future but never did (it was their non-direct way of terminating). he never chased any of them up, because - like stormy said - it's about the client being comfortable to reinitiate contact, not the T satisfying his/her curiosity as to how the client is going.

that said, my pdoc did call me up once to check how i was going. the last time he'd seen me i was in a bad spot, and i had said i would schedule another appt, but then felt too bad/guilty/waste of space to do so. he let it go for about a month, and when he finally did call he was very upfront about the fact that he had struggled with whether it was right to call or not, because he realised he was doing it for him (to know in his mind that i was ok) and he didnt want to impose if i didnt want him in the picture anymore.

i think Ts certainly do care, but that their guidelines don't allow them to check up so often. my pdoc was able to call me because he knew i was very committed to therapy with him, whereas maybe your T thought it was better to give you space if she had sensed this was your way of bowing out.

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by TrespassersWill

At the risk of sounding dumb, since when do therapists have "supervisors"? My therapist is a phD and works for/by herself. Don't most therapists? My first T did too though she was only a Ed.D. and not ph.D.

lots of therapists do. typically, it's a requirement when you are a student therapist (you must acquire a certain amount of hours under supervison from a more qualified T), and in some agencies, for the first few years after you've become fully qualified.

i think as you become more experienced, it becomes less structured (and more peer oriented) but it still happens. my pdoc has monthly meetings with his colleagues where they present cases they need guidance on. my old-T (3 Masters degrees and PhD) worked in private practice but would also meet with other therapists for peer support type stuff also. i used to work in a neuropsych ward where these meetings occured weekly.

not all therapists continue to engage in the process, but i think it's valuable when they do.

[TrespassersWill]

Yeah my T has told me there's some kind of support group meeting of all psychs in town. I always thought it was more for them to socialize though. Never knew why she went to it. Now I'm paranoid if she is talking about me there. Do they give patients names at those meetings? Are they allowed to go up to your former T at the meeting and said "yeah so I understand you used to treat patient X " and then start talking about you with the old therapist? Now I'm really paranoid what she does at those meetings and can't ask because she's on vacation for 2 weeks.

[sunrise]

mallard, I saw my first T for depression, off and on for about 9 months. The last couple of months, therapy was just not helping me. I did not see how it would help me move forward with my life, so I let therapy tail off. A few days after what turned out to be my last session, I called her to cancel my next appointment and left her a voicemail. She called back a couple of days later to reschedule me but I said my schedule was up in the air and I wasn't sure when I could come again and I would call her when I was ready. I didn't intend this to be our termination, but that's how it ended. She never called me again. I had told her on the phone that I would call her, so her responsibility was over.

About 6 months after this happened, I wanted to call her to get a referral for my daughter. I thought she might have some good ideas of Ts who worked with teens. So I called and left a voicemail. She never called back. It made me think she was pissed off at me for ending therapy like that. It totally was not intentional on my part to not go back. If I did it again, I would handle it better.

Anyway, mallard, I think what your T has done is very standard. She is waiting to hear back from you.

At the risk of sounding dumb, since when do therapists have "supervisors"? My therapist is a phD and works for/by herself. Don't most therapists? My first T did too though she was only a Ed.D. and not ph.D.

I am under supervision for licensure. I have my MSW, have a caseload, etc, but need 4,000 hours to be an LCSW.

(((((((((((((TW))))))))))))))))

No, they do not use clients' names in peer supervision/support. It would be unethical for them to do to so without the client signing a release first.

As for the T calling...I have heard the same thing that others have written here. That is is up to the client to call the T when they are ready. I don't think it means the T doesn't care (although I can totally get why it would feel like that - I would feel the same way)...I almost think it might be considered unethical for a T to call the client - like they would be forcing them to come back to therapy for monetary gain or something.

[mallardqduck]

Thanks for all of your replies. Very interesting. Actually, it's helpful to hear that it's the norm for a t. NOT to call.

This was a bad therapy situation in some ways and I'm sorting through what I'm learning from it about finding a therapist that's better for me next time. Therapy is such a weird relationship in the first place, it's a bit hard to know what is normal/not normal.

Next time:
*I'm looking for a t. that is relatively punctual to appointments. I'm not expecting perfection, but it just felt disrespectful to be routinely 10 minutes late.
*That doesn't spend a big part of the session talking small talk about her own life. I know all about the classes she teaches, that her passion is a different type of therapy, that she struggles with depression/anxiety, that she's having financial problems, that she has 5 siblings and thinks her niece is anorexic, etc. etc....
*That doesn't offer advice on medicine that contradicts my pdoc.
*I also am looking for a t. who will field (occasional) emergency calls. She would only field an out-of-session call if I was suicidal, and if that was the case, would immediately call an ambulance. When I WAS suicidal of course I didn't call because I knew she would just immediately call an ambulance! It seems like some t.s out there must have a better phone policy so that in a crisis you can come in for an extra session or field a short crisis phone call BEFORE you get to the call-the-ambulance stage.
*Lastly, I guess I want a more clear understanding of what the therapy's goals are, and I hope the t. would listen to me if I thought therapy wasn't going anywhere.

I think this list is pretty reasonable, though not sure about the phone/emergency thing.

[TrespassersWill]

TH, I just don't trust T's that much though. My first T used to discuss her other clients sometimes by name and make fun of them. She was also bad because she wasted most of my time discussing her husband. She also said a lot of things that hurt me namely getting angry with me because I was insistant that I be treated for Aspergers too. I've had 5 diagnosis of Aspergers but she refused to believe I had it so I just suffered with continued lack of social skill issues that I lost my job over it and she would do nothing to help. Because of all of THAT I don't trust my new T either because a couple times she's called one of my other drs without my permission and I thought even that was wrong though I guess maybe she was trying to help. And she does talk about other clients too though not by name. But also several friends have come up in our discussions people I dated, etc that were kinda prominent in community and she would be like "oh yeah I know that person". Which makes me thing oh so that person is a client too which kinda in a way makes her have divulged something so then I think yeah other people know I'm going there.

Geez I know probably reading too much into everything. I think I'm also still jaded because a T in highschool over 20 yrs ago told me I was going to hell so that kinda ruined my trust in therapy at that point because I had gone to that jerk because I was being severely abused and that is what I got from him!