[Mouse_]

Talking and talking yesterday but felt there were to many fishing rods and was desperately trying to find the one with the right catch on the end.

Suddenly I felt it happen, I mean I know it happens, I confuse T and most people with my adoptive mother, but yesterday I felt it happen as clear as day in my head and as it happened I grabbed my head and bent over and said "oh god, I remember" with that I could have sworn my adoptive mother was T sitting in the chair and I remembered as clear as day the feelings and awfulness of the times my adoptive mother would begin to degrade me.

The tears came hard as i held my head in my hands and suddenly I was transported back to the wardrobe I use to hide in, mentally, I lifted up my head and smiled and said "its still there", T said what is?, I said "My wardrobe"

After a short while I looked up again but the room was much to bright, I think that feeling memory had come up for the first time in yrs and yrs.

I was then and am now left with a feeling of not worrying any longer about incoming verbal attacks, I realise this has been playing like a shadow in my mind and causing anxiety.

Now that feeling and memory has been re-remembered its lost its strenght, I think now I can stop obsessing and replaying this situation with T. I'm left with a feeling of "so what, if someone decides they want to verbally attack me", thats such a freeing feeling to have.

But the memory of where I use to go emotionally into my secret world in the wardrobe was amazing yesterday, I was back there, I could see myself, remember the feelings and fears I was experiencing then, it was mixture of great saddness but joy too! I feel I've escaped that dreadful memory thats been dogging me around for yrs!!

wow! awesome!

Originally Posted by Mouse_

Now that feeling and memory has been re-remembered its lost its strenght, I think now I can stop obsessing and replaying this situation with T. I'm left with a feeling of "so what, if someone decides they want to verbally attack me", thats such a freeing feeling to have.

WOW, Mouse. This is such a great example of what my T is always trying to tell me...that by remembering and FEELING and sharing, we can gain power over the things in our past, instead of those things having power over us. It's so painful to get there, but there is freedom on the other side.

Thank you for sharing that. I need to be reminded OFTEN why it's worth it to look at the painful, scary stuff....because there is freedom and joy on the other side.

[peaches100]

Mouse,

I'm glad you've shared this because my t also is trying to steer me in the direction of facing my traumas and feeling my feelings. I think my fear is that i'll get locked into the horrible remembering/fear/pain and won't be able to get out or something. But hearing about your experiencing the pain and then being able to release and let go of it is really inspiring!

[Sannah]

Wow Mouse, this is awesome, you are awesome. Good Work!!!!!!

And Peaches, as I was reading this I thought of you and I told myself "Peaches needs to read this" and then I looked down and saw your post and you saw it..............