So, I see T in an hour. He's been on vacation since our last session, which was a week ago (I usually see him twice a week)

I had a hard time while he was gone. Lots and lots of panic attacks, which I haven't had to deal with in a long time. In between the attacks I was fine - busy, being with friends, doing stuff with my boys, etc. - but whenever things slowed down, the panic attacks would begin. It was awful.

I was triggered by a few things. The anniversary of my rape is coming up -it happened in August. A few weeks before I was raped I went to Taste of Chicago, and someone posted pics of Taste of Chicago a few days ago on Facebook. The night I was raped I went to a movie - and I saw a movie this weekend (movies are my #1 trigger). I really thought I was "done" dealing with the rape, and the fact that it's haunting me again scares me...like, will I EVER heal? And thinking about going to T and telling him all of this makes my head hurt. And my head hurting is what keeps kicking off these panic attacks. So, I'm a nervous wreck.

I took the boys for a HUGE hike at a nearby mountain this afternoon just to be outside (being outside makes me feel better - I think I'd LIVE outside if it was a reasonable thing to do) and it helped. Right when we came home my 6 y/o's friend came over so I can't shower or anything - so I am going to therapy in dirty jeans and shirt with my hair in two (messy) BRAIDS Totally fine for hiking or going to the lake, but therapy?!?! Oy.

Anyhow, I hope I feel better instead of worse after my session. Right now I feel like I'm going to puke.

[Indie'sOK]

Hi Tree,
I'm sorry you've had such a hard time lately. I think that it will be worth telling him about it, even if it is extremely hard. I'm trying to convince myself to tell my counselor something that's hard for me to talk about, too. Do you think he could say anything to make you feel a bit better? I hope your session today goes well for you, and I hope you come out of his office feeling a bit better

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by treehouse

So, I see T in an hour. with my hair in two (messy) BRAIDS

but you look so cute in braids!

besides, what else would you expect to find in a treehouse?!

hope it goes well for you.

[skeksi]

Sending you positive, connecting-with-T vibes

(((Tree)))

Your week sounds very painful. I hope you can have T help you through this difficult time!

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I really thought I was "done" dealing with the rape, and the fact that it's haunting me again scares me...like, will I EVER heal? And thinking about going to T and telling him all of this makes my head hurt. And my head hurting is what keeps kicking off these panic attacks. So, I'm a nervous wreck.

Don't puke!

I had to comment, because I feel the same way... am I ever going to be "done" dealing with all of the bad stuff?

The answer is... well, maybe. Likely yes, but it takes a heckuva lot of work.

Not what you wanted to hear I'll bet. The memories and flashbacks and anxiety and stuff will go away - it's just right now that's really hard. You'll be okay. DO tell T it makes your head hurt. You're allowed to be a nervous wreck, any of us would likely be pretty much the same! "Thankfully" my brain doesn't localize my S.A (the first one) to a specific date when I was younger, so no "anniversary" to emotionally avoid... but still not fun...

ANYWAYS! (((((((((((treehouse))))))))))))))))) sending good thoughts. DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOU THIS WEEK. My orders. Something small even, like going for icecream. But try to ride the emotional wave and I know you'll get through it.