[LearningMe01]

I suppose the kind of therapy that T and I do would be considered "talk therapy". We really just ....chat. Chat about what's going on with me, general life stuff, how I'm feeling and so on. She's never been one to assign homework. I've heard a lot about other therapists doing this, but not my T. She's still a phd candidate (I see her through the university) and it seems she works a little differently than other T's, which I love, the way she "does" works out quite well for me. This week though, she asked me a pretty heavy question at the end of our session, and said "It's not something that can be answered right now, or quickly, just think about it for next time."

She wants me to define my self worth. And she want's examples of what my self worth means to me.

I seriously have no idea how to go about answering that question! Maybe that's an issue in itself? Can anyone recommend a good starting point for answering a question like this? It's just not something I've ever really looked in to that deeply.

[stopdog]

Could you start with a list of things you do well?
I don't think I would know how to respond if the question was put to me like stated above either.

[LearningMe01]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Could you start with a list of things you do well?
I don't think I would know how to respond if the question was put to me like stated above either.

I could start with that. Good idea. She tends to think outside the box, and while I can usually follow her quite well, sometimes I'm a little thrown by a question she asks.

[content30]

Gosh, I wouldn't know where to start either! Stopdog's suggestion is great, and maybe you could also say what it means to have self worth/why a good level of that is important or may be important to you?

This reminds me...I have T homework due Monday. My T loves giving homework...

[tinyrabbit]

I don't know how to answer that either. I would need more guidance.

[feralkittymom]

I wouldn't confine my answer to things I do, or talents I have. I'd include qualities of who I am, the values and beliefs I hold, and why I value them.

[Perna]

I would just start with what characteristics I have that I like about myself, that I consider assets to living with Me

Do you enjoy your intelligence? Your sense of humor? Do you like honesty? Are you friendly (or do you bite :-) Here's a good list to look at: Personal Attributes & Self-Improvement

I sometimes play a game where I think of 8-10 attributes I have that I enjoy (my imagination, honesty, intelligence, I'm whimsical, friendly, funny/good sense of humor, etc.) and then I pare it down to my favorite 5, then 3, then I rank order them :-)

I had a teeshirt made many years ago to remind me of what I wanted to be when I grew up (we're talking having it made in my 30's :-) and it says, "3W Woman" to remind me I'm striving to be "warm, wise, and whimsical". Who are you? Who do you want to be? That's what you are worth to yourself, why you are glad to hang around with you

[LearningMe01]

Originally Posted by Perna

I would just start with what characteristics I have that I like about myself, that I consider assets to living with Me

Do you enjoy your intelligence? Your sense of humor? Do you like honesty? Are you friendly (or do you bite :-) Here's a good list to look at: Personal Attributes & Self-Improvement

I sometimes play a game where I think of 8-10 attributes I have that I enjoy (my imagination, honesty, intelligence, I'm whimsical, friendly, funny/good sense of humor, etc.) and then I pare it down to my favorite 5, then 3, then I rank order them :-)

I had a teeshirt made many years ago to remind me of what I wanted to be when I grew up (we're talking having it made in my 30's :-) and it says, "3W Woman" to remind me I'm striving to be "warm, wise, and whimsical". Who are you? Who do you want to be? That's what you are worth to yourself, why you are glad to hang around with you

What an awesome, detailed response. This has helped me a whole lot, thank you!

[harrietm]

I went through this process in my therapy, from feeling like I was worthless, to now feeling like I have some value. My old therapist and I did not see eye to eye on what contributes to value - he says people have value for what they do, I say people have value for who they are.

So you can go at it from either of those angles and see if either one resonates with you. Think of things you are good at, and think of your beliefs, values and principles and if you feel that you live your life in accordance with those values.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by LearningMe01

I suppose the kind of therapy that T and I do would be considered "talk therapy". We really just ....chat. Chat about what's going on with me, general life stuff, how I'm feeling and so on. She's never been one to assign homework. I've heard a lot about other therapists doing this, but not my T. She's still a phd candidate (I see her through the university) and it seems she works a little differently than other T's, which I love, the way she "does" works out quite well for me. This week though, she asked me a pretty heavy question at the end of our session, and said "It's not something that can be answered right now, or quickly, just think about it for next time."

She wants me to define my self worth. And she want's examples of what my self worth means to me.

I seriously have no idea how to go about answering that question! Maybe that's an issue in itself? Can anyone recommend a good starting point for answering a question like this? It's just not something I've ever really looked in to that deeply.

here in New York (which is in the USA) self worth means do you have respect for your self, if how? how do you show you have respect in your self. do you have a sense of dignity. do you take/have a sense of pride in yourself, if so how? do you like, love or hate yourself and why. some locations set monetary value on a person (dowry, bride price, ...) if you were in a location that had to place a price on you, what would your "price" be based on how much self respect, love, dignity, and pride in yourself.

exampbles
I have MS. I have a sense of dignity and pride...meaning I dont like people to see me fall, see me shake, see me stumble, when I do those things I try to appear like nothing is wrong,

I have a sense of self respect...I make sure I appear the way in which says I care about my appearance by taking care of hygiene clothing and hair. I feel better about myself when I look good. you can always tell when Im depressed because my self respect goes down.. I slump around in raggety clothes, unless I have to work I make no efforts to look appealing, just who cares I dont feel like getting dressed, bathing or combing my hair today.

when I have a sense of love for myself, I dont place myself in danger zones where I may become hurt on purpose, dont self injure, do loving caring things for myself like eating right, getting enough sleep, exercising, following my treatment plans/my treatment providers advice, buying using hand lotion when my hands are rough and chapped, treating myself like I deserve the best because I believe/respect in myself...

[Perna]

Originally Posted by harrietm

My old therapist and I did not see eye to eye on what contributes to value - he says people have value for what they do, I say people have value for who they are.

I think that can be two sides of the same thing. We all decide we're idiots for some of the things we do/say but we forget to do the opposite too, give ourselves credit for the brilliant things we do/say.

I can decide my sense of humor is worthy but if I scowl all the time and snap at people and don't enjoy my own company, how useful is it having that sense of self worth? We do need what we "see" in ourselves (or what others see in us) to be projected into the world in some way as well as valuing it in ourselves. Valuing honesty and being a pretty habitual liar, that will just get us confused?

However, self worth can come from the outside, if we agree with what those we trust tell us and look for it inside until we see it too. My husband told me one evening while laughing at my mixed-up speech that he wasn't laughing "at me" or "with me", he was "enjoying me!" I'm a bit like Yogi Berra to my family, 25 Funny Quotes of Yogi Berra - Listverse, and it is funny! It's endearing to others and why they love me. So, I might as well love myself for unconsciously giving us all a good laugh? Who doesn't love to make others happy?

[LearningMe01]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

here in New York (which is in the USA) self worth means do you have respect for your self, if how? how do you show you have respect in your self. do you have a sense of dignity. do you take/have a sense of pride in yourself, if so how? do you like, love or hate yourself and why. some locations set monetary value on a person (dowry, bride price, ...) if you were in a location that had to place a price on you, what would your "price" be based on how much self respect, love, dignity, and pride in yourself.

exampbles
I have MS. I have a sense of dignity and pride...meaning I dont like people to see me fall, see me shake, see me stumble, when I do those things I try to appear like nothing is wrong,

I have a sense of self respect...I make sure I appear the way in which says I care about my appearance by taking care of hygiene clothing and hair. I feel better about myself when I look good. you can always tell when Im depressed because my self respect goes down.. I slump around in raggety clothes, unless I have to work I make no efforts to look appealing, just who cares I dont feel like getting dressed, bathing or combing my hair today.

when I have a sense of love for myself, I dont place myself in danger zones where I may become hurt on purpose, dont self injure, do loving caring things for myself like eating right, getting enough sleep, exercising, following my treatment plans/my treatment providers advice, buying using hand lotion when my hands are rough and chapped, treating myself like I deserve the best because I believe/respect in myself...

Great answer!!! And btw, I know NY is in the US....I live in the US...hehehe

Some of your response really, really resonates with me. When I'm depressed I don't care how i look either, I also don't do the small things (you mentioned lotion, for instance) I also struggle with eating right, getting enough sleep...all those things.

I think a BIG part of the reason I'm having trouble answering her question is because I'm going through a depression "spell". I've had my meds. changed and am trying to get enough sleep, but still. It's hard to define your self worth when you feel depressed.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by LearningMe01

Great answer!!! And btw, I know NY is in the US....I live in the US...hehehe

Some of your response really, really resonates with me. When I'm depressed I don't care how i look either, I also don't do the small things (you mentioned lotion, for instance) I also struggle with eating right, getting enough sleep...all those things.

I think a BIG part of the reason I'm having trouble answering her question is because I'm going through a depression "spell". I've had my meds. changed and am trying to get enough sleep, but still. It's hard to define your self worth when you feel depressed.

Yea I know many people here know New York is in the USA but I have discovered there are other countries with a city or town or hamlet named New York also like England has three town named New York....

New York, lincolnshire England,
New York, North Yorkshire, England
New York, Tyne and wear, England

there are others too that have come to my attention. so now I add which New York I am talking about so that those in other countries will understand I'm talking about the one in New York State, USA.

[LearningMe01]

Hey everyone, just a little update on this. We actually never even discussed this "homework" today lol. For some reason I was feeling brave today and decided to reveal some feelings I've been harboring for her (for over a year) and we spent most of the session talking about that. I got the response I knew I would, but she was gentle with me (as I also knew she would be) but it feels good to get it off my chest none the less

And now I have a whole nother week to think about this homework