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skycastle
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Default Oct 03, 2011 at 08:19 PM
  #21
Hmm... I will look this over, thank you.
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Thumbs up Oct 23, 2011 at 05:09 AM
  #22
This certainly describes a lot of what I'm going through.
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Thumbs up Oct 23, 2011 at 03:32 PM
  #23
I hope it helps.

Since the information comes from the book by David Burns, just be sure to give him credit when you do copy it. And there's more good stuff in the book, should you wish to check it out from the library or buy it. TC

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Default Oct 23, 2011 at 04:10 PM
  #24
You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

This one is a lot how I get at times when depressed or overly critical. It can be confused with intuition which I try and listen to now. I see it can be definately colored. Sometimes I think my negative emotions are indeed the truth. I have to work on this!

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Default Nov 02, 2011 at 07:41 AM
  #25
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Originally Posted by missbelle View Post
You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

This one is a lot how I get at times when depressed or overly critical. It can be confused with intuition which I try and listen to now. I see it can be definately colored. Sometimes I think my negative emotions are indeed the truth. I have to work on this!

yeah, same here. I need to listen more to some of the negative feelings I have and not push them aside. Sometimes they are there to warn me.

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Default Jan 16, 2012 at 11:50 PM
  #26
[QUOTE=Shadowghost;1411294]ECHOES, apparently you didn't read my last post. At any rate, we'll just have to agree to disagree. Nothing you or anyone else say will convince me that my views need to change. As I told Perna, don't tell me my views are wrong. They work for me!!![/QUOTE

Nice answer, but be calm! With any problem, wrong or not is ours look and thinking
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Default Feb 09, 2012 at 04:47 PM
  #27
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Originally Posted by dandelionfalls View Post
Thanks for posting this. While reading it I was trying to pin point a distorted way of thinking that I get caught up in at times. It's like a "hang up" and is related to traumatic events that happened to me. So the issue is gender, like when women are objectified, I get very anxious. So I have this whole ideology built around defending the anxiety I feel about it. I think it may be related to my trauma, it's like that's how I defend myself against it.
I shared that so ask this:
What might be a distorted way of thinking be that is an ideological construct that works as a defense mechanism? (this is distressing for me because I don't want to think so rigidly and don't think rigidly in other areas or about other issues)
Since Burns there have been a few more added:

Reward Fallacy -You expect all your sacrifices and self-denial to be rewarded. You feel bitter if good deeds are not reciprocated. You may always be doing the right thing but your heart`s not in it. God/ the universe is not keeping score! And you are physically and emotionally draining yourself.

Being Right- . You feel the need to prove that your opinions /actions are correct. You can`t stand being wrong and you will go to any lengths to prove your `rightness`. This can make you hard of hearing as you are not interested in the possible truth of a different opinion. Your need to be right trumps your having an honest and caring relationship.

Global Labeling - You generalize one or two qualities in yourself and others into a sweeping negative global judgement despite evidence to the contrary. This makes for a one-dimensional world view.
Labeling yourself can injure your self esteem and stereo-typing others leads to snap-judgements, prejudice and relationship issues.

Fallacy of Change- You feel people will change to suit you, if you pressure or cajole them enough. Your need to change people is anchored in the mistaken belief that your happiness depends solely on them. The reality is that the only hope you have of changing anyone is you! Your happiness, you believe depends on the actions of others when in fact, it depends on the zillions of choices you make daily.

Fallacy of Fairness - According to our rules we have the expectation the world will play fair. And then disappointment sets in or deep resentment when others fail to live up to our expectations. While morality is based on ethical principles, for some people, it is situational.( ie Thou shalt not kill but it`s perfectly reasonable on a battle field...)
If you cannot let go of unfair situations, you may wind up consumed with resentment, leaving you very bitter. You may even believe that other people`s ignoring of `your rules`of fairness, is a personal affront to you. This stance will only leave you spinning your wheels for a long time.

I think many of us wrestle with that last one-I know I do!

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Default Feb 20, 2012 at 07:51 AM
  #28
Thanks so much for this,
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Heart Apr 27, 2012 at 06:44 PM
  #29
Thank you for sharing these misconceptions and truths. They are very helpful. Now, hopefully I can start to incorporate these into my life.

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Default May 23, 2012 at 05:49 PM
  #30
thank you for posting this! As soon as I looked in at the list I zoomed in onto number 2. I thought that I was always just over sensitive because everything upsets me even though I'm very good at hiding it.
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Default Nov 06, 2012 at 10:08 PM
  #31
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Originally Posted by (JD) View Post
Here are the basic distortions. They aren't a "therapy" to use and then forget... but habits of thinking that we need to "check' ourselves on for "life." Following this is a list of how to "untwist" such thinking. Good wishes!

1) ALL OR NOTHING THINKING

2) OVER-GENERALIZATION

3) MENTAL FILTER

4) DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE

5) JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS:

6) MAGNIFICATION (CASTASTROPHIZING) OR MINIMIZATION

7) EMOTIONAL REASONING

8) SHOULD STATEMENTS

9) LABELING AND MISLABELING

10) PERSONALIZATION

Explanations:
1) You see things in black or white categories. If your effort or performance falls short of "perfect" you see yourself as a total failure. This "either-or" thinking habit may result in self-recrimination or anxiety.

2) You view a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. For example, you think that a friends' inconsiderate response means that there is no caring for you, even when there have been other examples of consideration.

3) You pick out single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your perception becomes distorted. For example, a person focuses on one negative comment and ignores any of more neutral or positive feedback.

4) You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or another. In this way, you maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences. For instance, you don't believe a compliment because you think it is said just to be nice.

5) You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts to support your conclusion.
a.) MIND READING You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and don't bother to check it out. "I just know he/she thought I was an idiot." even though he/she acted nicely.

b) THE FORTUNE TELLER ERROR: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel that, "I just know I am not going to get the job I want."

6) You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement) or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desireable qualities or the other person's imperfections.)

7) You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

8) You try to motivate yourself with "should" and "shouldn't" , as if you have to be whippped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also issues. The emotional result is feeling guilty.

9) This is an extreme example of over-generalization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser."

10.) You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event for which in fact you were not primarily responsible.

*adapted from Burns

HOW TO UNTWIST YOUR THINKING:

This comes from Dr David Burns and is in his book "The Feeling Good Handbook, revised edition."

1 IDENTIFY THE DISTORTION Write down your negative thoughts so you can see in which of the 10 cognitive distortions you're involved. This will make it easier to think about the problem in a more positive and realistic way.

2 EXAMINE THE EVIDENCE Instead of assuming that your negative thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it. For example, if you feel that you never do anything right, you could list several things you have done successfully.

3 THE DOUBLE-STANDARD METHOD Instead of putting yourself down in a harsh, condemning way, talk to yourself in the same
compassionate way you would talk to a friend with a similar problem.

4 THE EXPERIMENTAL TECHNIQUE Do an experiment to test the validity of your negative thought. For example, if, during an episode of panic, you become terrified that you're about to die of a heart attack, you could jog or run up and down several flights of stairs. This will prove that your heart is healthy and strong.

5 THINKING IN SHADES OF GRAY Although this method might sound drab, the effects can be illuminating. Instead of thinking about your problems in all-or-nothing extremes, reevaluate things on a range from 0 to 100. When things don't work out as well as you hoped, think about the experience as a partial success rather than a complete falure. See what you can learn from the situation.

6. THE SURVEY METHOD Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic. For example, if you believe that public speaking anxiety is abnormal and shameful, ask several friends if they ever felt nervous before they gave a talk.

7. DEFINE TERMS When you label yourself "inferior" or "a fool" or "a loser," ask, "What is the definition of 'a fool'?" You will feel better when you see that there is no such thing as "a fool" or "a loser."

8. THE SEMANTIC METHOD Simply substitute language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded. This method is helpful for "should statements." Instead of telling yourself "I shouldn't have made that mistake," you can say, "It would be better if I hadn't made that mistake."

9. RE-ATTRIBUTION Instead of automatically assuming that you are "bad" and blaming yourself entirely for a problem, think about the many factors that may have contributed to it. Focus on solving the problem instead of using up all your energy blaming yourself and feeling guilty.

10. COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS List the advantages and disadvantages of a feeling (like becoming angry when your plane is late,) a negative thought (like "No matter how hard I try, I always mess up, ") or a behavior pattern (like overeating and lying around in bed when you're depressed.) You can also use the Cost-Benefit Analysis to modify a self-defeating belief such as, "I must always try to be perfect."

As I've stated before, these methods are not something to be tried once or twice and dispensed, but are good skills to be ongoing in your life with day to day checking and adjusting. Good wishes! drjean
Intellectually I know all of these things, I'm 58 and diagnosed @20 yrs old. I'm wasting away on my sofa, surrounded by things I love and things to do but still can't get up the sofa. Honestly, I don't feel there is any hope, felt that a long time.
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Default Dec 14, 2012 at 05:29 AM
  #32
simple and clear
i like how you numbered then and then referenced below. not overwhelming. thanks

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Default Mar 15, 2013 at 09:14 PM
  #33
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Originally Posted by ECHOES View Post
People who make poor choices are just people who make poor choices. All choice have consequences, and some of those consequences are unintended and unexpected.
Placing judgements like loser isn't helpful, and creates shame. Shame can be motivating, but it isn't necessary to create shame to be motivated. One can be motivated by wanting new and different experiences in life.
I agree 100%. I suppose it's all about how these terms motivate/cripple you though, so to each his own.

I'm starting to look at life like we're all just animals. As lazy, evil, heroic as rats, if you will. We just need to figure out how we can alter our environment to see results. I'm not sure looking at decisions in a moral sense is productive. At least for me.
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Default Sep 19, 2013 at 06:37 PM
  #34
confusion is setting in...
right now i'm in a state of confusion mostly, but i know my decisions have consequences. i wish i didn't. also i think in some way, wether intentional or not all decions are moral. it may not seem to be at the time, but...,
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Default Sep 26, 2013 at 01:49 PM
  #35
How would a decision, say, of what color shoes to wear be a moral choice? Not.

We do have choices to work on how we think, what we say, the way we behave, or not. Consequences, while sounding negative can also be positive...and some things are just inconsequential.

We can alter our environment, our behavior, our thinking with our attitude and will. We do it all the time, but we tend to believe the negative rather than anything positive; it works for either.

The more we counter the negative thinking, the more positive we become (okay, don't go well duh!)

Be well

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Default Jan 08, 2014 at 08:51 AM
  #36
Well said!
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Default Jan 09, 2014 at 09:01 AM
  #37
Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES View Post
People who make poor choices are just people who make poor choices. All choice have consequences, and some of those consequences are unintended and unexpected.
Placing judgements like loser isn't helpful, and creates shame. Shame can be motivating, but it isn't necessary to create shame to be motivated. One can be motivated by wanting new and different experiences in life.
What you''ve said really helped me. Just want to say thanks

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Default Jan 17, 2014 at 01:58 AM
  #38
I have learned that no one is always right. No one knows it all. Systems keep changing, we keep changing. Keeping an open mind, looking at others points of view is a good thing. It doesnt mean one person is right and the other wrong.
Loosing, or being a loser. Everyone has experience it at some time. When I use to play sports you have a winner and a looser. I had no problem loosing, being a looser if I did my best and we lost. It was a good competition and someone else won, I could feel good about being a looser. Or now I play a game with someone and you have a winner or a looser. If you do something and enjoy it, have fun doing it, you can be a looser and its not a bad thing.
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Default Jan 19, 2014 at 02:18 PM
  #39
wow...

i do pretty much all of the things on that list...ALL of them!

i'll read the rest and see what it has to say.
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Book Mar 22, 2014 at 08:55 AM
  #40
Quote:
Originally Posted by (JD) View Post
Here are the basic distortions. They aren't a "therapy" to use and then forget... but habits of thinking that we need to "check' ourselves on for "life." Following this is a list of how to "untwist" such thinking. Good wishes!

1) ALL OR NOTHING THINKING

2) OVER-GENERALIZATION

3) MENTAL FILTER

4) DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE

5) JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS:

6) MAGNIFICATION (CASTASTROPHIZING) OR MINIMIZATION

7) EMOTIONAL REASONING

8) SHOULD STATEMENTS

9) LABELING AND MISLABELING

10) PERSONALIZATION


Explanations:
1) You see things in black or white categories. If your effort or performance falls short of "perfect" you see yourself as a total failure. This "either-or" thinking habit may result in self-recrimination or anxiety.

2) You view a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. For example, you think that a friends' inconsiderate response means that there is no caring for you, even when there have been other examples of consideration.

3) You pick out single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your perception becomes distorted. For example, a person focuses on one negative comment and ignores any of more neutral or positive feedback.

4) You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or another. In this way, you maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences. For instance, you don't believe a compliment because you think it is said just to be nice.

5) You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts to support your conclusion.
a.) MIND READING You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and don't bother to check it out. "I just know he/she thought I was an idiot." even though he/she acted nicely.

b) THE FORTUNE TELLER ERROR: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel that, "I just know I am not going to get the job I want."

6) You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement) or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desireable qualities or the other person's imperfections.)

7) You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

8) You try to motivate yourself with "should" and "shouldn't" , as if you have to be whippped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also issues. The emotional result is feeling guilty.

9) This is an extreme example of over-generalization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser."

10.) You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event for which in fact you were not primarily responsible.

*adapted from Burns


HOW TO UNTWIST YOUR THINKING:

This comes from Dr David Burns and is in his book "The Feeling Good Handbook, revised edition."

1
IDENTIFY THE DISTORTION
Write down your negative thoughts so you can see in which of the 10 cognitive distortions you're involved. This will make it easier to think about the problem in a more positive and realistic way.

2 EXAMINE THE EVIDENCE Instead of assuming that your negative thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it. For example, if you feel that you never do anything right, you could list several things you have done successfully.

3 THE DOUBLE-STANDARD METHOD Instead of putting yourself down in a harsh, condemning way, talk to yourself in the same
compassionate way you would talk to a friend with a similar problem.

4 THE EXPERIMENTAL TECHNIQUE Do an experiment to test the validity of your negative thought. For example, if, during an episode of panic, you become terrified that you're about to die of a heart attack, you could jog or run up and down several flights of stairs. This will prove that your heart is healthy and strong.

5 THINKING IN SHADES OF GRAY Although this method might sound drab, the effects can be illuminating. Instead of thinking about your problems in all-or-nothing extremes, reevaluate things on a range from 0 to 100. When things don't work out as well as you hoped, think about the experience as a partial success rather than a complete falure. See what you can learn from the situation.

6. THE SURVEY METHOD
Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic. For example, if you believe that public speaking anxiety is abnormal and shameful, ask several friends if they ever felt nervous before they gave a talk.

7. DEFINE TERMS When you label yourself "inferior" or "a fool" or "a loser," ask, "What is the definition of 'a fool'?" You will feel better when you see that there is no such thing as "a fool" or "a loser."

8. THE SEMANTIC METHOD Simply substitute language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded. This method is helpful for "should statements." Instead of telling yourself "I shouldn't have made that mistake," you can say, "It would be better if I hadn't made that mistake."

9. RE-ATTRIBUTION Instead of automatically assuming that you are "bad" and blaming yourself entirely for a problem, think about the many factors that may have contributed to it. Focus on solving the problem instead of using up all your energy blaming yourself and feeling guilty.

10. COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS List the advantages and disadvantages of a feeling (like becoming angry when your plane is late,) a negative thought (like "No matter how hard I try, I always mess up, ") or a behavior pattern (like overeating and lying around in bed when you're depressed.) You can also use the Cost-Benefit Analysis to modify a self-defeating belief such as, "I must always try to be perfect."

As I've stated before, these methods are not something to be tried once or twice and dispensed, but are good skills to be ongoing in your life with day to day checking and adjusting. Good wishes! drjean
Thanks, for posting this to reflect and act
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