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#26
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[QUOTE=Shadowghost;1411294]ECHOES, apparently you didn't read my last post. At any rate, we'll just have to agree to disagree. Nothing you or anyone else say will convince me that my views need to change. As I told Perna, don't tell me my views are wrong. They work for me!!![/QUOTE
Nice answer, but be calm! With any problem, wrong or not is ours look and thinking |
#27
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Reward Fallacy -You expect all your sacrifices and self-denial to be rewarded. You feel bitter if good deeds are not reciprocated. You may always be doing the right thing but your heart`s not in it. God/ the universe is not keeping score! And you are physically and emotionally draining yourself. Being Right- . You feel the need to prove that your opinions /actions are correct. You can`t stand being wrong and you will go to any lengths to prove your `rightness`. This can make you hard of hearing as you are not interested in the possible truth of a different opinion. Your need to be right trumps your having an honest and caring relationship. Global Labeling - You generalize one or two qualities in yourself and others into a sweeping negative global judgement despite evidence to the contrary. This makes for a one-dimensional world view. Labeling yourself can injure your self esteem and stereo-typing others leads to snap-judgements, prejudice and relationship issues. Fallacy of Change- You feel people will change to suit you, if you pressure or cajole them enough. Your need to change people is anchored in the mistaken belief that your happiness depends solely on them. The reality is that the only hope you have of changing anyone is you! Your happiness, you believe depends on the actions of others when in fact, it depends on the zillions of choices you make daily. Fallacy of Fairness - According to our rules we have the expectation the world will play fair. And then disappointment sets in or deep resentment when others fail to live up to our expectations. While morality is based on ethical principles, for some people, it is situational.( ie Thou shalt not kill but it`s perfectly reasonable on a battle field...) If you cannot let go of unfair situations, you may wind up consumed with resentment, leaving you very bitter. You may even believe that other people`s ignoring of `your rules`of fairness, is a personal affront to you. This stance will only leave you spinning your wheels for a long time. I think many of us wrestle with that last one-I know I do!
__________________
"And Oz never gave a thing to the Tin Man, that he didn't, didn't already have." America's Tin Man (1974) "Find happiness-then catch & release!" |
Lilly2
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Lilly2, nushi, pbutton, rainbow8, SamboJenkins, tranquility84
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#28
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Thanks so much for this,
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#29
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Thank you for sharing these misconceptions and truths. They are very helpful. Now, hopefully I can start to incorporate these into my life.
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~~Kolob Princess Brenda~~ |
#30
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thank you for posting this! As soon as I looked in at the list I zoomed in onto number 2. I thought that I was always just over sensitive because everything upsets me even though I'm very good at hiding it.
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#31
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Anonymous32765, Anonymous35535, BonnieJean, ECHOES, eggplantlife, nushi
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Aloneandafraid, eggplantlife, ShrinkPatient
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#32
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simple and clear
i like how you numbered then and then referenced below. not overwhelming. thanks
__________________
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(JD)
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(JD)
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#33
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I'm starting to look at life like we're all just animals. As lazy, evil, heroic as rats, if you will. We just need to figure out how we can alter our environment to see results. I'm not sure looking at decisions in a moral sense is productive. At least for me. |
ECHOES, pachyderm
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#34
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confusion is setting in...
right now i'm in a state of confusion mostly, but i know my decisions have consequences. i wish i didn't. also i think in some way, wether intentional or not all decions are moral. it may not seem to be at the time, but..., |
#35
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How would a decision, say, of what color shoes to wear be a moral choice? Not.
We do have choices to work on how we think, what we say, the way we behave, or not. Consequences, while sounding negative can also be positive...and some things are just inconsequential. We can alter our environment, our behavior, our thinking with our attitude and will. We do it all the time, but we tend to believe the negative rather than anything positive; it works for either. The more we counter the negative thinking, the more positive we become (okay, don't go well duh!) Be well
__________________
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Lamia_13, nushi
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#36
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Well said!
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#37
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Sent from my GT-P3100 using Tapatalk |
#38
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I have learned that no one is always right. No one knows it all. Systems keep changing, we keep changing. Keeping an open mind, looking at others points of view is a good thing. It doesnt mean one person is right and the other wrong.
Loosing, or being a loser. Everyone has experience it at some time. When I use to play sports you have a winner and a looser. I had no problem loosing, being a looser if I did my best and we lost. It was a good competition and someone else won, I could feel good about being a looser. Or now I play a game with someone and you have a winner or a looser. If you do something and enjoy it, have fun doing it, you can be a looser and its not a bad thing. |
tranquility84
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#39
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wow...
i do pretty much all of the things on that list...ALL of them! i'll read the rest and see what it has to say. |
#40
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Takeshi
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(JD), Takeshi
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#41
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Are there work sheets so we can practice memorizing that.
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nushi
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#42
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__________________
Winter is coming. |
betweenarock
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#43
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Some of that stuff makes sense to me, but then there is a lot that just doesn't really describe my issues. Like I don't really think in black and white, shades of grey are my style...I do try to see the bright side of things(much of the time without success). I realize I have not failed at every single thing and obviously do some things right since some people care and will spend time with me but I still feel like crap about myself. I guess for me the depression is more of a feeling than a flawed thought process...I mean don't get me wrong sometimes my thinking does resemble some of what was described, though its not always a distortion...without any distortions my life isn't to great and doesn't seem likely to improve I don't think that is me being negative I think its realistic. But it feels like no matter how much I might try to view a situation differently, look at the brightside and all that stuff the painful depressed feeling is still there. Sort of difficult to explain.
__________________
Winter is coming. |
#44
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Good idea. Those are overwhelming in volume and complexity to me and I think to people like me who need time and practice activities to understand them and work with them effectively. Worksheets, games, quizzes, etc., based on the concepts and details would be so valuably helpful!!!
Synthia |
#45
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Any of these books by Dr. David Burns, M.D., can be helpful and they're full of work sheets, quizzes and exercises.
Books | Feeling Good I've personally used Feeling Good and Intimate Connections and highly recommend them. Feeling Good is especially helpful for depression and anxiety and Intimate Connection is great for shyness, meeting people, making friends and dating. The information is laid out in a way that assists progress. I copied some of the worksheets and used them on a regular basis and somesychtimes I wrote directly in the book in pencil. If I begin to feel low or shy again, I pick up these books and starting reading and doing the worksheets. It really helps. |
#46
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#47
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I have a hardback copy of Feeling Good and paperback copy of Intimate Connections. Whatever book type you enjoy most would work.
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#48
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I got the ebook version. Problem was when I used a Sharpie to fill in the worksheets...
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SnakeCharmer
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unaluna
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#49
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I have to mention that I've sort of always known of such "distortion" types and when I met with Burns' book I hem-hawed it.
That was until I was able to separate myself from these distortions. My issue was that I was so consumed with one or more of these 10 at any given time that I couldn't "back up" and see it. I separated myself using meds...I had never used meds before and considered them as crutches for the "weak". Well, meds in my case simply help my brain take a pause. Before I react to things now I take a pause think about it and then decide what to do. Now, this distortions list is near me always and as I prepare to act or react to things I skim the list and look for pitfalls. One more trick, as if you asked me: I've been journaling for three years now and I use that many times to write into my journal my immediate reactions or thoughts to something and then its "out of me". After that I seem to decide a little better. I would suggest that this list stays in your purse, planner, wallet, whatever. and before or as these feelings come, grab that list. At least you'll pause to read it. |
nushi
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#50
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GAD/OCD/SAD sufferer my whole life. This must go hand in hand with these disorders - Which I believe all stem from a low self esteem. I've been tortured by this brain of mine for 30 something years now and am out of ideas of what to do. |
nushi
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