[peaches100]

I have a really serious issue that i need help with. I've been in therapy 10 years with my t, and she may retire in the next year or so. I've gotten very attached with her, and every time i think about ending therapy with her (or she mentions it as being "down the road), i feel a great deal of panic and need to cry. The idea of being separated from her that way feels unbearable. Because my reactions to quitting therapy are so strong, i feel like i need to do something way early, to start preparing myself for termination. For those who have terminated successfully, how did you prepare for it? What can i do now so it won't hurt so much later? My initial reaction is to pull away some -- stretch sessions out -- stop emailing her between sessions. But it's not what i want to do. I just don't know how else to prepare, except to start drawing back from the relationship now -- kind of draw out the pain over time so it won't come in one fell swoop.

Please help!

[rainbow8]

I've probably told you this before, but I am sure that your T will have a plan for how to go about ending your therapy. If not, I'd suggest tapering off slowly (I think that is what she will suggest). I think I saw my T every 2 weeks for almost a year. Then we went to every 3 weeks, then once a month. When your T knows when she will retire, that's the time to start tapering off. Not before. Assuming she knows months in advance. You can ask her what she plans to do, how she plans to handle termination with you.

I know she has told you not to worry about it yet, but you could ask her about when to start tapering off sessions. You can still cover a lot of therapy during this tapering off process, but you will discuss how to deal with termination also. I'm sure your T will help you as much as she can, Peaches.

One of my past Ts had us go through past sessions, week by week, comparing notes. I found that to be very helpful. It was like a summary of my work with her. I only saw her for a couple of years, though.

With my current T, I wrote up a list of my problems and my accomplishments, and what I still needed to work on by myself. I liked doing that too.

I know that it's hard to end therapy with someone you've been seeing for 10 years. But remember that you will always have your T with you in your heart, and you will be in her heart too. Maybe she will allow emails or phone calls after you finish therapy. It's not a complete ending; it's more like a moving on.

Termination does have its isues; that's why I feel the need for a separate group to discuss it. I wish there was more help for those ending therapy, but unfortunately there isn't. Like all endings, it's part of life, though. Try not to worry about it so much now, Peaches, but if you can't help it, it's time to bring it up with your T again.

[Kiya]

I think rainbow8 covered everthing! lots of good advice there =) if it is causing you that much stress, it is a good convo to have soon.
be well =)

[phoenix7]

agree with others - get matters out into open and let your T help you

[Melbadaze]

Peaches,