[lindee]

This must sound crazy but I'm not sure, even after six years of therapy, what I should expect from therapy.

I have had 3 therapists in the last six years. The first I really liked but she said that she didn't know what else to do with me so she sent me to another guy who she thought was more educated and could really help me. I hated him. He left me feeling so inferior every week. After a few months I couldn't take him anymore. Now I have a therapist who seems like a very nice lady but she spends most of our sessions shooting the breeze with my husband. What a waste of time and money.

I have depression and social anxiety. I'm thinking of trying another therapist.? But I realized that I'm not sure what I should be getting from a therapist.? I don't think anyone has really gotten deep inside of me enough to help me to find out what my problems stem from. But maybe thats not what they are supposed to be doing.? I just feel like such a misfit and so down.

Sorry, I am just rambling. But what do you expect to get from therapy? I feel like I am no better off today than I was 6 years ago. Why doesn't therapy work for me?

Thanks for reading my ramblings. I hope I haven't brought anyone down.

[SpottedOwl]

Hi Lindee!!

You ask some really important questions. I periodically get to a point in my therapy where I feel the need to stop and just re-asses what the heck I'm doing. The first few times I brought this up I felt really uncomfortable, but those awkward conversations have ended up being so positive in the long run.

IMHO, when you start to question what you need out of therapy, it is actually a positive step. It means that part of you is wanting to assert your own needs, which means you are a stronger person now. I would highly recommend taking the time to talk with T about your work together and assess what is and is not working for you.

Now I have a therapist who seems like a very nice lady but she spends most of our sessions shooting the breeze with my husband.

Are you in couples therapy? I'm a bit confused why your T would spend time talking with your husband, if it is your therapy hour.

Maybe you need to have a session where it is just you and T?

You have not brought anyone down...that's what we're here for! Thanks for posting!

[lindee]

It is my hour but my husband has always come to my sessions because I have such bad anxiety that I won't go without him. I would end up up telling him everything anyway. My therapists have always welcomed him. they like to hear his perspective I guess. By the way my psychiatrist won't allow my husband in to my appointments with her.
Thanks for your response. I guess I need to talk more in my sessions to my therapist about what I should expect?

Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

Hi Lindee!!

You ask some really important questions. I periodically get to a point in my therapy where I feel the need to stop and just re-asses what the heck I'm doing. The first few times I brought this up I felt really uncomfortable, but those awkward conversations have ended up being so positive in the long run.

IMHO, when you start to question what you need out of therapy, it is actually a positive step. It means that part of you is wanting to assert your own needs, which means you are a stronger person now. I would highly recommend taking the time to talk with T about your work together and assess what is and is not working for you.


Are you in couples therapy? I'm a bit confused why your T would spend time talking with your husband, if it is your therapy hour.

Maybe you need to have a session where it is just you and T?

You have not brought anyone down...that's what we're here for! Thanks for posting!

[SpottedOwl]

Maybe you could try having one session with T where H either agrees not to talk, or agrees to wait outside in case you need him. ??

You can still share everything that happened in the session with H, but it might be an interesting experiment to see if that would help. It is quite possible that you are stronger now, and are ready to have private sessions with T, and thats why you're feeling this way.

No matter what you decide, I would encourage you to talk with T about how you're feeling. Talk with H first, if you want, so that H can help create the space for you to express yourself.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by lindee

I don't think anyone has really gotten deep inside of me enough to help me to find out what my problems stem from.

I think going deep is very hard and it requires a lot of trust between you and the therapist. I think it would be hard to do this deep work and revealing if your husband is there. It's hard enough revealing to the T, you don't need to be thinking of how your husband will take it or react, etc. Once you can reveal to the T and get some deep work done, you could always reveal what you choose later to your H.

It is my hour but my husband has always come to my sessions because I have such bad anxiety that I won't go without him.

A possible goal in therapy might be to get to the point of managing your anxiety well enough to go on your own to therapy so you can do the deep work that you want. Can you use CBT methods to cope with your anxiety well enough to see your T alone? Can you ask your T for help on that? I understand you may not be able to solve the anxiety completely with these methods, but if you can manage it well enough to go alone, then perhaps you could explore the deep stuff.

I think all the questions you have raised are important to discuss with your therapist.