[Confused_1982]

Not sure if this wil trig, but just in case.

Seeing T for the first time in 3 weeks tomorrow, but I dont know what to say to him. From reading other posts it seems everyone has loads to talk to their Ts about after a break and I feel like I should too, but I dont. Honestly, when he asks me what I want to talk about, I DONT KNOW!!

I feel so confused and numb- I have been trying to resist SIing but I just couldnt do it today. I feel completely stuck- I dont know what I want, what I want to work on with T, I dont know how I am feeling or WHY I am feeling like it. I'm thinking about not going to see him, although he is the only person in my life who understands or seems like he cares. I really feel like I dont want to be here right now.

I dont want to be this difficult when he has just come back from hols. But, if I dont know what I want from therapy, then what is the point in going to T??

Sorry to ramble

[peaches100]

Confused 1982,

It sounds like you're really stressing about this. Is it important that you decide ahead of time what you'll talk about? How about just going to the session and seeing how it goes? There are times when i go to a session not knowing what i want to discuss or work on, but things always come up to talk about. It is a bit uncomfortable re-establishing connection after a break, but your t is used to it and will probably help you ease back into the work.

[Perna]

Presumably you want to feel better and not SI?

My T eventually took away the response, "I don't know". You do know but often it's pretty buried and you have to go inside yourself and "find" it.

Maybe if you think of the session as an experiment and try a few things? When he asks what you want to talk about, ask him how his hols went? LOL. Tell him about SI'ing because of the stress of not having a ready answer for him about what to talk about and how that really gets you down (both not knowing what to discuss and the SIing). That should get a little discussion going?

[3velniai]

Peaches is right, sometimes it good to just show up and see where it leads. On the other hand, you mention several things in your post that you could bring up: about feeling numb and confused or about SI

[Melbadaze]

yup think Peaches has it about right.

[sunrise]

One idea: How about discussing why you felt you needed to SI? Seems like there's something important behind that.

I think when we are stuck, that is telling us something, and it's usually pretty deep. It may be hard to figure out, but I agree with what Perna said: "You do know but often it's pretty buried and you have to go inside yourself and "find" it." Sometimes to get to the answer inside, we have to listen to ourselves really closely, and follow clues to get to the reasons or to be able to articulate them. Any little ruffle of anxiety caused by a situation or what someone says--listen to that and follow it, and see if you can figure out why it makes you anxious. If you can't follow it on your own, talk about it with T. For example, "I felt anxious when _______ happened yesterday, but I don't know why. What do you think?"

[Confused_1982]

Thanks everyone. I will try not to think about what to say too much between now and tomorrow, but I do worry about turning up with nothing prepared and then going completely blank (which happens most of the time), and T sitting there saying " Well, if you dont know what you want to talk about or whats wrong, then what is the point in you coming to therapy?"

Sunrise- I have been SIing for a while, and T lets me do it because he feels that I need to do it when things get on top of me (BPD), but we are working on this.