[sw628]

I just found out that my old T( college T) will be giving a presentation to my colleagues and I this Sunday. We are all group exercise instructors and personal trainers. The topic that she is presenting on is the very reason that I went to see her in the first place! Old T took maternity leave and referred me to current T. AHH! it's just so weird my current T, ( STILL) works closely with old T. I'm sure they talk about me .... I wasn't ready for this to happen as we just got the meeting agenda at noon today. I want to talk with old T , but I am scared of the whole boundary issue, especially since we will be in a public setting. What should I do? Wev'e communicated via email once since Old T took maternity leave. ACK!! I can't cancel because I have to attend this meeting for employment. Any advice will help tremendously!

((((((((((((sw628))))))))))))

Could you call Old T and check in with her before Sunday? Maybe if you touch base, it will feel less awkward when you actually see her.

[SpottedOwl]

I see you completely professional and smiling as you confidently walk up to old T and shake her hand...'it is great to see you again, I look forward to your presentation.'

I totally get the 'yikes' factor but I also think that it is likely going to be harder on old T than it will be on you. First, this is your domain that she is coming into. It is with people you are comfortable with and an area you are the expert in. I wouldn't say that you are 'above' T, but you are definitely equal with her in this setting.

I ran into T outside of the office two weeks running. We were in the darn elevator heading up to the office, and he was talking to someone else. At first I was the one who was uncomfortable, but I busied myself with my phone and acted like a stranger. Later in talking with T about it, T emphasized that it was UP TO ME, whether we talked outside of the office or not. I also realized that it was likely uncomfortable for him as well, since he was trying to respect my privacy and figure out how to respond.

It is up to you how you encounter your old T. She is bound by confidentiality, and will have to follow your lead. That puts you in a very empowered position...so don't forget that!

How do you see yourself encountering old T?

[sunrise]

sw628, your old T is the one who must follow your boundary, not vice versa. If you welcome contact with her, greet her and she will respond. If you don't wish to acknowledge her, you don't have to--she will follow suit.

If it is a source of anxiety, I think ECHOES had a great suggestion--call your old T in advance and let her know you'll be there and what to expect.

It sounds like you left your old T on good terms, just because she was having a baby, not because you didn't like her. So do you know why you wouldn't want to see her at this meeting? Do you think it might make you wistful for the days when you were seeing her? If she is back from maternity leave, there might be the possibility to go back to having her be your regular T, if that is what you want.

I'm sure they talk about me ...

Ethically, they can't talk about you unless they ask your permission and you sign a release form.

[sw628]

Thanks all for the great advice! I'm just going to do something that will make it a lot easier. I'll talk to my current T about the situation Old T and I did leave on good terms however I won't be going back to her.
I like my current T so much. We've gotten pretty close over the last year. Sunrise and Spotted owl, you guys are right. She is coming into my environment so our meeting will be on my terms. TREE i like the idea of also emailing old T before hand to let her know what's going on. The only part that makes me uncomfortable with seeing Old T is the topic of her presentation and my issues. Oh well, it shouldn't be that bad. I'm excited to see old T