T Troubles

This morning I was supposed to have an 8 am meeting with my T.
It was the ONLY slot available this week, she refused to work with me because I didn't even know my work schedule yet but she said that's all she could do! I really hard stuff I wanted to start talking to her about so I agreed on the early time, as even in the next weeks the ONLY thing she'd have available is 8am.

I had an alarm set for 7:15 which I slept through and jolted awake at 8 - I knew her rules were that I couldn't show up any more than 15 minutes late so I tried walking out the door asap but knew I was going to be too late for her. I started crying and freaking out and tried calling her, but she wouldn't pick up I finally got in contact at 8:40 or so. By this time I was FREAKING out for fear of the insurance not covering anything and just generally REALLY upset with myself for failing at getting there.

All she would talk about was the payment for the appointment, I was bawling for the first time to her ever and that's all she would say, and if I wanted to make an appointment. This was during what would have been my session time, and when I expressed that I didn't know what to do about the rest of the day because I was so upset she refused to go into and said we needed to hang up *still during the time I'm paying for WITHOUT INSURANCE because I wasn't there*. There was NOTHING in her words, tone of voice, or anything else to say she cared.

I feel betrayed, and I JUST started trusting her as of last week.

I don't want any more appointments with her - she has totally lost my trust and I can't understand how she could do that.

I don't know what to do now, I guess try to find another T but how can I trust one after this? With this T, I have found NOTHING she has helped me with. PC has helped tons more - the only thing I noticed with the sessions was that I was starting to open up to her last week, but I guess that was a huge mistake.


I feel like a failure, I've got a big bill to pay to her, and now I"ve gotta find another T ASAP because I need a letter explaining my mental health to get back into school within the next month.

I needed to vent this, any suggestions/ideas/ just plain hugs are welcome, I'm just very upset and confused and betrayed.

(((((turquoisesea))))) I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I had a similar experience last week. My session time got confused because she had to reschedule me, and my parents didn't know that my appointment was at 5 pm - they thought it was at 6. The receptionist called at about quarter after 5, telling my parents that T thought I was supposed to see her that day. I started freaking out and crying at the thought of not seeing her, it's like this signified losing her to me.

Can you perhaps make an appointment with T and explain to her how she made you feel? If you do decide to find a new T, I hope you get one who is much more caring and supportive

Only you can prevent neurotypical jerkiness!

(((((((turquoisesea)))))))
How the pain I hear in your writing. I don't feel that was approite for your T to treat you like that and you have every right to feel the way you do. I personally would never go back. I'm not sure how long you have been seeing her so that could be an issue if you leave, but I would find another T right away. This is just my opinion.

You are not a failure. What she did is wrong in my book and she failed you. A good T should not treat you like this. And yes it will be hard to trust again, but you started to trust this T so you know you can build that trust again with someone else. It will take time but I believe you can do this. Please try and take good care of yourself.

Post here if it helps.

Out of curiosity, have you missed appointments before? The reason I ask is that my husband has a habit of cancelling his appointments at the last minute or not showing at all. Our tdoc gets completely frustrated with him, rightfully so. And yes, we get charged full price for the missed visit.

That said, if that's not the case, then your tdoc was pretty abrasive. I'd go to the next appointment and talk it out. Sorry you are so upset. Makes for sucky day, doesn't it?

Sounds like you need to look for another T in our opinion. The reason I say this is because it sounds like your T is not into doing much therapy.
I would forget about this one and go look for another.

We are also looking for another T as well, so lean on me and PC while we both go looking for another T? Maybe?

Were so sorry your in pain no, I"m sure it doesn't completely help but knowing you have tons of support here should ThaCrew

turquoisesea i hear you. I think you should make your escape!! I get that some things need to be handled on a more professional level but i know if any of the ppl i work with come late to an appt although i get irritated if they're apologetic i do become a lot more sympathetic and give them the benefit of the doubt. Afterall we're human and we all make mistakes once in awhile! There is a difference between perpertual late attenders and those that make a mistake...and it is stark! She should treat you with some respect, you aren't just a $$££ sign!

((((((((((((((Turquoise)))))))))))))))))

That really stinks....I'm so sorry your T did that.
Please don't think you're a failure - everyone oversleeps sometimes....I'm sure even your T has done so.
It's hurts so much to be treated like that, and especially after you just started opening up to her and trusting her.....

Farmergirl - This is the first appointment I have EVER missed with her, I was late to one but within her "acceptable amount of time to be seen" (my bus ran really late).

Everyone thank you SO much for you replies, I was so surprised to see so many responses so quickly and it means alot to me.

*hugs* to all, my battery is dying will reply later!

That's really rough, I don't like that your T spoke to you that way! Maybe you should see T again to talk it through before you make a decision. It depends on how long you've been with this T, and how much you really want to stay with this T.

((((((((turquoisesea)))))))

I would truly be devastated if I were treated that way! I hope you are able to work it out, or, better yet, find a new t. Best of luck to you and I hope you feel better soon. Lean on us here at PC!

Turquoise, I wouldn't like that at all .....

((((((Turquoisesea))))))
I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with your T. I did that once where I slept through the appointment. While I had to pay (and knew so) my Pdoc was very polite and worked with me to reschedule. I think it is rediculous that your T was not willing to talk to you on the phone until you were calm or your time was up for your scheduled appointment.

Whatever you decide I hope you feel better.

I'm sorry your T was so awful to you, turquoisesea. All the Ts I have seen have a 24 hour cancellation policy. Once we had to cancel my daughter's appointment with only 22 hours and she made us pay full fee. However, what really bothered me about your T is that she only allows you to be 15 minutes late. So what is you're 20 minutes late? It's your time you've wasted and T still gets paid, even if your appointment is 20 minutes shorter. That policy seems excessively punitive to me. Same as refusing to talk to you on the phone during the time you are paying for. You have a right to that time if she is charging you, in fact, I think she is being unethical to charge you but refuse to talk during that time (except about rescheduling). If she's going to charge you, that time is yours.

I wouldn't go back.

I am sorry to hear about your day starting like that. Have you been seeing this T for a long time?

I can't believe she treated you crummy on the phone like that. I can understand her being upset that you didn't make your appointment. She got up early to be in the office for your appointment. But that doesn't excuse her behavior on the phone. Why didn't someone call sometime between 8:15 and 8:30 to see if you were going to make it? And why was she so hard to get in touch with? What was she so busy doing that she couldn't answer the phone??? Considering the fact that she was scheduled to be in a session with you!! And then why couldn't she take the time to talk to you about something other than her payment? That ticks ME off and she's not my T!!

As much as it sucks, I understand the whole payment thing. I just wish it worked the other way around too!

But still.... her behaviour would be deal breaker for me.

((((((((((((turquoisesea))))))))))))

That is SO frustrating! I am sorry to hear that your T wasn't more sensitive to your needs ... it is hard to believe that she did and said what she did


Jacq

OK, so it was upsetting but it was your mistake and it's annoying you have to pay but that is a standard policy of most professionals as they have to earn an income and if they have no shows, they aren't earning money to even pay their overheads at their office.

There is a lot of talk around here about boundaries set by both T's and clients. Her expectations were clearly explained to you, and the consequences were clearly outlined beforehand. You did not meet your end of the bargain and in my opinion sleeping in doesn't cut it as an excuse and 8am is not that early for an appointment, if she arrived late to an appointment because she slept in how would you feel?? you would be complaining that you felt abandoned, don't trust her etc etc.
If she can only offer a 8am appointment she must be busy and may even have many patients trying to see her and has to say no to people, so if she agrees to see you, you have to turn up otherwise there are other people who are looking for T's and would turn up on time.

If you got hold of her on the phone with 15min left of your session I think it was right that she did not start talking T things in such a short time when other practical issues like rescheduling and payment issues needed to be discussed.

Just think of it as a life lesson, there are consequences to your actions, even sleeping in and you will learn from your mistake and maybe set 2 alarms or some other tactic to enable you to arrive on time to things in the future.

It's a very reasonable policy to expect the client to pay with less than 24 hours notice, especially when this rule is made clear at the outset of therapy, and many Ts (and physicians) do this. However, if you are going to pay, that time is yours, and you should be able to talk by phone during it, or come 20 minutes late if you want. This T has unreasonably punitive boundaries. JMO. I consider it unethical to charge for a session but not be available to the person during the time they have paid for. If you pay from 8-8:50 am, you get access to T during that time. If the T won't grant you access, I believe you shouldn't have to pay. Especially if I wasn't going back to this T, I would not pay her the last bill for that reason and I would make sure she knew why.

I set multiple alarms. 8 am is very early for me. I have trouble getting to work at 10am. If she no showed on me I would be ok with that, minorly annoyed but ok. I called her 10-15 minutes after session started, but she only got back to me 45 minutes after it started. I was trying to contact her to see if I should get there 15 minutes late or not, because she said before if I came that late than I might as well not come.

I guess I don't deserve a T. If she only has 8 am's then I can't see her anymore.

I'm useless
I barely make 60 dollars in a day and I can't even have a T anymore

HEY! You are NOT useless! Stuff happens. So maybe you're not a morning person. I don't know many people who are! And the amount of money you make does not define who you are. You just had a bad day. Who doesn't have days like that?! I think that you just need to talk to your T and try to figure out a better time for you to come in. Even if you have to schedule something a couple weeks from now to get started in a new time slot. It seems that the T you have now has a really full schedule. So maybe you can also discuss with her the option of a phone session the next time a situation like this morning arises. Let her know that you are aware of the fact that you will be charged anyway. And that you need to set up another appointment for another day. Explain your side to her. And maybe she'll be easier to work with in the future.

I can relate a bit to where your tdoc's mind may have been. As a teacher, I often arrange to come early to school or stay late to tutor students. They make an appointment with me, they had better show up on time. Otherwise, I'm going to move on to other things I need to do. If they come late, I'm probably not in my room because I've headed to the faculty center to do other work or I've left to go home. They've lost their chance that day for my tutoring. I've moved on to other things. They'll just need to arrange another time to get with me. It may sound cold-hearted, but I can use that time constructively to do other things. She probably didn't get back to you right away for the same reason, she had moved on to other work she had to do.

If 8:00 AM is the only time you can get there, you are going to have to find a way to get up on time. That's just the reality. Those are her rules. That doesn't mean you don't deserve a therapist at all. You do. We all do. But they are running a business. We have to remember that.