[Karen15]

I had my last session last night with my therapist of 2 1/2 years because of transferance issues. I can't believe I could have such strong feelings for someone and for such a long time. I did leave him a couple of times before, but always with the understanding I could come back, this time he won't let me come back which I guess is for the best, but today I feel like my heart has been ripped out, I am in such pain I could barely get out of bed, I had no idea it would be this difficult. If I could cry, maybe I would feel better, but I hardly ever cry. I know this kind of loss takes time to get over, but what do I do now?

[turquoisesea]

((((((((Karen)))))))))

no words right now but sending 's

[tryingtobeme]

Originally Posted by Karen15

I had my last session last night with my therapist of 2 1/2 years because of transferance issues. I can't believe I could have such strong feelings for someone and for such a long time. I did leave him a couple of times before, but always with the understanding I could come back, this time he won't let me come back which I guess is for the best, but today I feel like my heart has been ripped out, I am in such pain I could barely get out of bed, I had no idea it would be this difficult. If I could cry, maybe I would feel better, but I hardly ever cry. I know this kind of loss takes time to get over, but what do I do now?

(((((((((((((Karen)))))))))))))))

My heart just sank reading this. I wanted to cry for you. I wish I could take all that pain and hurt away from you. I have dreaded the time when I have to leave my T for the same reasons that you have left your T. Every time, I feel what you are feeling now. I hope you can find some relief through the grieving process. I think you have to go through the grieveing steps and then it won't feel so bad. But that can be a long road. I wish you the best and please do keep up posted on how you are feeling.

[Indie'sOK]

((((((((karen)))))))) Sending you many hugs I wish I knew what to say, but we are listening and I'm sure someone will offer you better support. I know a girl online that went through this same thing, and I hear the same pain and hurt in your post that I heard in her's. I know for her, just going through the grief process and letting time heal helped a lot. Does writing about it help at all? I hope some of the pain goes away soon.

[ECHOES]

I hope you will consider finding another T who can help you with this and who welcomes transference for the opportunity that it is. Some T's do not encourage or welcome transference, or even acknowledge it for what it is.

[chaotic13]

I'm sorry this had to happen. Maybe you can just see it as your T doing his best to keep you safe and help you move to possibly another T that might be better.

[rainbow8]

Karen, I understand your pain. I quit my first T years ago and I too felt like my heart was being ripped out. The transference was terrible for me all during my therapy; I wanted to be with her all of the time; I was just plain miserable! I'm not exactly clear why I quit, but I know I cried the whole night. I never cried so hard in my whole life. I hardly ever cry either, but I did then. If you could cry, I agree it would help, but if you feel so bad, you're grieving without crying.

I saw another T immediately and for a few months, all we talked about was my grief for the other T. It took me a few years to "get over" her. I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you it was a quick process but it wasn't. It's like any other grieving; there's no time-table, but it will get better. Are you going to see someone else? I hope so.

You may be interested in knowing that I saw 3 more Ts and I didn't have problems leaving 2 of them. I did have similar problems with my most current T, but she didn't cut me off completely. My first T said it wouldn't be good to see her again, so I know what you are going through. If you want to talk more about it, you can PM me.

[Brightheart]

It amazes me that some therapists do this. In my opinion the only time a T should end therapy with a client who is having a transference reaction to them is when he/she feels threatened or in danger of harm. Analyzing your feelings within this reaction can be the most vital part of your therapy. Your behaviors and motivations behind these feelings are full of information about you, Karen. They tell your story...what you want, need and why...

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Did your therapist at least try analyzing the feelings? I also understand what this grief feels like. Hang in there. You could join or social group about termination. Also, you can PM me as well.

[peaches100]

((((((((Karen))))))))

I am so sorry you had to stop seeing your t because of transference issues! Terminating therapy while you still have transference feelings is bound to hurt like crazy. I wish you and your t could have found a way to work through the transference together, rather than ending the relationship. But, as painful as this is for you, consider that perhaps this may help you in the long run. It's possible that this t was not the right fit for you. Perhaps he was not comfortable with transference, or was not well trained in how to handle it. It's possible that in ending this therapeutic relationship, it may open up an opportunity to find a therapist who understands transference and has the capability and willingness to process it with you.

Still, I can just imagine how painful this must be for you! I felt sick at heart reading your post. I wish i could take away some of the pain you're experiencing. Please know that we're all here to support you. And, as the others have mentioned, feel free to PM me if you'd like to.

[Karen15]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Karen, I understand your pain. I quit my first T years ago and I too felt like my heart was being ripped out. The transference was terrible for me all during my therapy; I wanted to be with her all of the time; I was just plain miserable! I'm not exactly clear why I quit, but I know I cried the whole night. I never cried so hard in my whole life. I hardly ever cry either, but I did then. If you could cry, I agree it would help, but if you feel so bad, you're grieving without crying.

I saw another T immediately and for a few months, all we talked about was my grief for the other T. It took me a few years to "get over" her. I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you it was a quick process but it wasn't. It's like any other grieving; there's no time-table, but it will get better. Are you going to see someone else? I hope so.

You may be interested in knowing that I saw 3 more Ts and I didn't have problems leaving 2 of them. I did have similar problems with my most current T, but she didn't cut me off completely. My first T said it wouldn't be good to see her again, so I know what you are going through. If you want to talk more about it, you can PM me.

Thanks for your hugs, it really helps to know I'm not alone in this, I am going to wait and sort of catch my breath before I see another therapist. I am going to keep busy, throw myself into volunteering, work on a project I putting off and generally be good to myself.