Yesterday was just an awful day at school. It seemed like everywhere I turned there was another student being enabled to be irresponsible by some adult: a parent, a counselor, a special ed teacher. I spent my whole day e-mailing these various enablers, explaining what I was doing for their student and what that student needed to do for themselves. By the end of the day, I was really frazzled and keyed up.

It just so happened that I was scheduled to see my t yesterday after school. I walked in telling him that I was in a crabby mood. So, of course, he let me vent away. He got to the crux of the matter pretty quickly. I was taking on the responsibility for what was going on, when the responsibility fully should be on those students. I knew that, but with it all hitting at once, I wasn't using my skills to cope very well.

He told me, the bottom line Chris, is that when I'm feeling "blamed" for something, I need to make myself slow down long enough, respect myself enough, to think it through and put the responsibility fully on the shoulders of the ones ultimately responsible for the problem. (i.e. the students who don't come to school, don't come to tutorials, don't want to stay awake in class, etc.) I need to set my boundaries with those people who would try to somehow make it my responsibility for things that are clearly only under the control of the students themselves.

Normally, I have no problem with this. I am NOT an enabler of my students. But when I have other adults, who are not in the classroom working with those kids, start implying that somehow I am not doing my job, it triggers all sorts of old crap in me. I have spent my life taking on responsibility for things that were not my fault, not my responsibility. I fell back into that trap yesterday. It WON'T happen again today.

Sure enough, the student who needed to be here for tutorials this morning has not shown up yet. I came in early, and I have been waiting, as always. He will probably end up failing my class due to his excessive absences and lack of initiative. That will be his responsibility, his choice (no matter what someone else will try to tell me when they try to get me to "adjust" his average -- grr!!)

Is IS a matter of self respect. It IS a matter of personal boundaries.

Ahh . . . I'm back in my happy place.

[rainbow8]

Chris, I'm impressed with your T and with you for working this out.

Yeah for you, Chris!

Thanks. Yesterday was more of the same coming at me. They put a student in my class from another teacher's class. She's not managing discipline very well and this student was causing "bad chemistry" in her room. GRR!! No asked me if he was going to cause "bad chemistry" in mine! Anyway, now my class is overloaded, I've aquired a student who is failing 3 of his 4 classes, and he's a discipline issue to boot. Oh well, give him to Chris. She can handle him. (Reminds me of "Give to Mikey; he'll eat anything.) This is the second student I have acquired from this teacher because she's not handling things well. She's older and it really is time for her to retire.

So, I did go to my department head and at least let her know that I wasn't appreciating having to take up the slack for a teacher who's not doing her job. Nothing will change, but at least I let my feelings known.

It's Friday. Thank you, God!

[darkrunner]

It really sounds like you have a difficult job. Good for you for making your feelings known!
I like how you said you told them what you thought, even though you knew it wouldn't change anything. Sometimes that makes such a different in what seems like an impossible situation. Just using your VOICE is very empowering, even if it doesn't immediately change things.