I'm supposed to see my therapist in half an hour and I just can't get myself going. We meet every Sunday at 10:30 am.

This is the third week in a row that I'm cancelling. 2 weeks ago, my friend was sick and needed me. Last week I was sick. In about 45 minutes, I'm going to run down to the subway and call him blaming a Muni breakdown for making me so late, so I may as well just not even come today.

Do I feel bad for lying 3 times in a row? Hmmm. Kinda. But I am more concerned about what this means for my therapy.

I've been seeing him for about 4 years. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but it's true: he's creeping me out lately. He'll say, "I was thinking about you the other day . . ." or "I was driving home yesterday and thought about something you said . . ." or "I was reading this book and a character reminded me of you . . .", etc.

Ecch. The thought of him thinking about me so much makes me shudder. It isn't sexual (he's into his new wife), or romantic; but it's, well, uncomfortable to me.

I guess I should feel complimented, but I don't and I wish he'd stop!

He hugged me a few weeks ago and I didn't like that either. Now I dart out of the room when we say goodbye.

Oh, almost time for me to go have my subway problem (I'm calling from there for sound ambiance).

Anyone else ever deal with this?

Mike

I'm quite sure you'll get a lot of positive responses - But
This NOT one of them.

I saw the same therapist for 7 years.

He seemed to test my comfort zone all the time.

This was my first dealing with thearpy I was 25. So I thought, maybe it's just me.... cuz I did'nt trust anyone... The base of my life started out with crossing the boarders on both (yuck these words) mom and dad side.
blah blah

I'd told him about being sexually abused. His exact statement was "at least one out of ever 5 have been. you just acknowledge it and get on with life".

So that was that - (Cuz this is all I knew - SO it just had to be ME, right!)

WRONG

Again knowing only what others had 'always' told me - I guess he was right. Growing up and all my husband all told me I was crazy. They didn't need marriage counseling - It was my problem, etc etc SO it HAD to just be ME

Well in the end of 7 years, I had a primary doctor who referred me to a female therapist.

IMMEDIATLEY, she told me that I should have him reported -
BECAUSE also at the end of EVERY session, he said some sexually comment.

Again, I thought it was just me, cuz everyone around me didn't have this weird feeling about comfort zones, words etc etc, blah blah

I didn't report him - But I truly wasted 7 years of my life.... still being victimized

So go on you're FIRST Feeling - that is what i say - the first feeling is usually right. Don't second guess.... FIRST feeling

[MickG]

“I'm calling from there for sound ambiance”

LMAO…that is brilliant!

Anyway, I do think you have a right to feel a bit uncomfortable especially with the hugging. Perhaps you could discuss this with him or jot some thoughts down regarding this and pass the note to him. He will likely understand.

Have an awesome day!

Starlite, that's intense.

I (fortunately!) don't get a sexual vibe off the comments and the hug. And -- very fortunately -- I was not sexually abused as a child (only beatings, emotional abuse).
I am very sorry you went through that and know that it is depressingly common in this country.

So my situation isn't so bad. I'm just uncomfortable with all the extracurricular intimacy he seems to have with me. Know what I mean?

Mike

[Indie'sOK]

anything he does that makes you uncomfortable or seems weird to you is relevant and should be brought up with him. The only thing with continually cancelling appointments is that, sooner or later, he might catch on. Do you feel ok with talking about this in T? Good luck (((cypher))), I hope talking about it here helps as well

Thanks MickG. For some reason there isn't a THANKS button in you posting box (why does that happen sometimes?).

So I have to says thanks manually Mike

Will someone PM me and tell me where the THANKS buttons have suddenly gone?

Thanks IndieSoul! Talking about it here does help; gets it off my chest and I get good feedback.

In fact, I hadn't even put it together consciously that he was making me uncomfortable, and why, until I was writing that post! Duh!

Thanks for being here, guys. Mike

Originally Posted by cypher

Starlite, that's intense.

I (fortunately!) don't get a sexual vibe off the comments and the hug. And -- very fortunately -- I was not sexually abused as a child (only beatings, emotional abuse).
I am very sorry you went through that and know that it is depressingly common in this country.

So my situation isn't so bad. I'm just uncomfortable with all the extracurricular intimacy he seems to have with me. Know what I mean?

Mike

******
NOT TRUE - Everything is AS bad as everyone elses messed up stuff - Because it all comes from the same BASE = Feeling Shame (that we not do) BUT that's coming from my..........

[darkrunner]

If it's making you feel so uncomfortable that you can't go to therapy with him, then it is a big big issue.
I think you should trust your instincts.

I've never been with a T for 4 years. That seems like a long time.
Do you talk about your relationship with him at all?

It seems strange that after 4 years, he hugged you out of the blue. Was there any conversation about the hug - either before or afterwards?

You said you 'should' feel complimented.....but I don't think so.
If it were me, I would feel creeped out too.

I think you're doing yourself and your T a disservice by canceling your sessions. Either have the courage to talk about what is going on.....or stop scheduling appointments with him.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by ktgirl

I think you're doing yourself and your T a disservice by canceling your sessions. Either have the courage to talk about what is going on.....or stop scheduling appointments with him.

I agree. Plus, if you cancel on such short notice, don't you have to pay full fee? This could get expensive for you....

[sidony]

Wow, did you really bail on the session?

I personally like it when my therapist makes a comment about having thought of me for some reason (he does that occasionally). I like the idea that I'm not immediately out of his mind the moment I leave the room. Maybe your therapist is trying to make you feel more connected to him by saying things like that often (?). It's possible he senses a disconnect (and it does sound like you're disconnected from him). But I'd agree with everyone else that you should talk about it with him if it makes you uncomfortable. See what he says and work through it.

I definitely think cancelling and lying about it will just waste your money. And it'd be nice to give him the opportunity to do something else that day if you're not going to show up. Go & talk about it! If nothing else, that's bound to be interesting.

Sidony

Confession: I don't have to pay for it. My T is covered by SSD.

I agree with the feedback (it needs to be explored between us), and will bring it to therapy. Thanks everyone! Mike

You really need attend your sessions or cancel them in time for them not to be charged to your account. Someone is paying for them.

Sounds like it is time to work through whatever's bothering you about your therapist. I wouldn't really be creeped out by the comments, but if they are bothering you, you need to bring it up to him.

[chaotic13]

Sounds to me like you need to either talk about why you are bailing or take a break. Maybe the fact that you don't want to go and the guy is creeping you out is your inner wisdom's way of telling you... its time to quit or maybe try someone new.

Mike,

Did your T ask you for a hug or just try to do it? That is weird all of a sudden in 4 years.

Usually it is a positive thing a T wants you to feel if they tell you that they thought about you. Was it the hug or the comments of him thinking of you that gives you the most creeped out feeling?

I am glad you said it wasn't sexual thing, because that is what I was thinking because I had a T become unethical and that is how things can start.

Are you going to your next session to talk about this? If this has been mostly a positive relationship for you for this long, I would hate for it to end this way by just not talking to him about it over recent feelings. Good luck in whatever you choice to do.

Originally Posted by exoticflower

Mike,

Did your T ask you for a hug or just try to do it? That is weird all of a sudden in 4 years.

.

Hi Exoflower! The hug was ... impulsive, I guess. I have a Schizoid personality, so sudden, non-mutual hugs are a bit much for me, even though I am a ridiculously warm and mushy guy on the inside.

But this happens! I've actually trained myself over the years to not stiffen up so much when I'm impulsively hugged. Just crazy; hard on the outside, soft in the middle-- Mike

Well I like crazy, at least you are not boring like a lot of people. I think it would freak me out if my T were to hug me on impulse because normally this is something that most T's don't take lightly and just do without asking. And after 4 years I am sure you didn't see it coming, unless you won the lottery and he was really pick pocketing you instead! lol Sorry it is getting too late for me to be on here!
I am no expert, but I think you should talk to your T about this and tell him it is YOUR boundary- NO HUGS- Thank you very much! He should respect that request, he might want to talk about it, but he should do what you ask.