[sw628]

T and I had a phone session last night and she brought up something that i haven been able to really understand. T said that in session she can clearly tell that i am "overstimulated by her presence" and that she triggers very early 'stuff" for me. I use stuff because i'm trying to put words on what might be happening between T and I. I realize a portion of it might be be the mommy issues or lack there of. I guess i'm trying to figure the ways in which I show T that I'm overstimulated if I don't out right talk about it? What issues does T trigger in me? How can she tell when i'm stimulated? What does that look like? Has anyone else been told this by your T?

My T has told me that she knows I am anxious and often afraid in her presence, even thought I am often not aware of this. I guess that's a kind of over stimulation. She says she can tell because I seem timid, speak softly, sometimes I fidget and wring my hands, other times I am totally stiff and still, sometimes she says my face just looks scared all of a sudden.
My T and I both know that she triggers all of the stuff about my mother, of whom I was and remain terrified...
But I am sure if you ask your T, she will tell you what she sees.

[pinkcorr]

One of my T's pointed out to me this week that she's noticed I go very red in the face when I want to say something but can't say it.

x x x x

[sw628]

Thanks all for the help in processing.
Yeah, I'm SURE T was referring to mom issues, but it's so odd that she used the word "stuff" instead of just saying mother issues. I've had to deal with so much abandonment and not really having any of my needs met, so it's hard for me to identify what those needs are. I guess in a lot of ways, T triggers this in me and I don't know how to deal with that. I notice that I fidget a lot, and almost NEVER make eye contact with T. I'm also have periods of very long silence..with no words. Ripely I think you said in another post that this is the world you mother created for you and you got it right. However, this is not the world in which we have to live

Originally Posted by sw628

However, this is not the world in which we have to live

I can't help it...this just popped into my head..."Space, the final frontier...to boldly go where no one has gone before" *giggle* Off to find a new planet...bye mom!

[jexa]

I get scared with my T. I have worked on eye contact in there but I definitely fidget, wring hands, sometimes tremble. I don't know if it's "early stuff." I'm shy. Therapy makes me nervous. I guess I just consider it one of my many socially anxious reactions. Therapy puts all eyes on me.

Hi sw,

I am not sure if over the phone was the best time to tell you this. It seems like it would have been better if you were face to face so you can really discuss this. This comment would leave me thinking about a hundred different things, trying to figure out what she meant. It is pretty vague in a way.

I hope you can discuss this soon with your T.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by jexa

I get scared with my T. I have worked on eye contact in there but I definitely fidget, wring hands, sometimes tremble. I don't know if it's "early stuff." I'm shy. Therapy makes me nervous. I guess I just consider it one of my many socially anxious reactions. Therapy puts all eyes on me.

Wow, I really get this. Now in Year III and spent last session hiding behind a large leather tote. T didn't say anything about it at the time, but I know she sees all (yes - I know she sees all - that is just why I was wanting to hide. And realizing how hopeless "hiding" from her eyes is, is making me very anxious, so I will shut off that train of thought and sign off now.)