[polarsmom]

So, while I was talking with my T today he mentioned that it really sounds like I need to just hang out with a girlfriend. Just go grab coffee or whatever. And this isn't the first time it's come up. See, the problem with that is I don't have any friends. Sure, there are people I know through so and so. And wifes of my husbands friends. (which I have tried to develop a friendship with but really didn't have anything to bond over) Plus, I have really withdrawn over the years. I am self-employed, work alone and have done so for several years. So I don't know where or how to start talking to people. And to be honest I am not sure I even know how to BE a friend to anyone anymore.

So my question is this: Anyone know where the local friendship store is? Cuz I can't seem to find it.

And once I locate it, how do I go about making friends? How do I become interesting, fun or even enjoyable to be around?

[NuckingFutz]

The volunteer store is also sometimes the frienship store. I have met some really cool people.

[deliquesce]

i'm 25 and still at uni, so i meet people all the time. but i'm like you - going about making friends is something i find really difficult to do. my only group of friends are those i have from primary school (and they're great, but i can't rely on them only).

i just finished up a photography course on sunday, and i met some pretty cool people. it was nice, because even if i didnt meet anyone i still would have had a good time learning different techniques and stuff.

volunteering, like NF said, is great also. usually when you have shared interests you don't have to "become" interesting, because you just talk about what it is you have in common and slowly start talking about other things also. no need to perform .

[Fartraveler]

I used to work at home, too, and I found it isolating, also.

I always tried to have some scheduled thing to do that would be outside the house once a week. Volunteering and stuff is definitely good. I volunteered in town stuff (I lived in a very small town at the time -- about 5,000 people), so they always needed people to be on boards and stuff.

Also, I found a great place to do pottery, where you took one class a week, but could go in to practice basically any time. And usually people were around.

So I did that, too.

For me, it generally takes a fairly long time (6 months) to feel comfortable about calling people up or whatever. But even the casual social interaction was good, just to keep me from isolating myself even more.

-Far

[googley]

I second getting involved with volunteering as a good way to meet friends. Also if there is a community center near you or a YMCA/YWCA then you could take classes you are interested in and meet people (you could also take classes at a local community college- often they have low cost classes for nonmatriculating adults). If you have a local library they might have activities for adults like book groups or you could volunteer there (they usually all like people to help out.) I'm assuming you are a mom, so there is the possibility of getting involved with your children's school as part of the PTA/PTSA to meet other parents. This is what comes to mind quickly. If you need more ideas just ask.

the dog park...i have met some incredible people at my dog park...in fact thats where most of my friends are from now...

or volunteer at an animals rescue or shelter..you'll be doing some very needed work saving animals and meeting some incredible people too (and i gotta tell you basset rescues have some really cool and fun rescue social events...a parade in nj each spring with 600+ bassets...on the boardwalk where thousands come out to see and be seen...and that's just the start of the social season)

stumpy

[mixedup_emotions]

Try meetup.com, if it's available in your area. You can sign up for groups with common interests. My T actually suggested this to me when he was encouraging me to become more social - outside of my existing network - when I was in a long, low point with my depression.

I followed through with joining a few groups, but I've only gone to two events which happened to be quite rewarding...

Worth a try!

[chaotic13]

You can take some kind of class at a local community college, university,or arts and crafts store. Start attending some casual community activities, maybe look for a community organization like the Rotary Club, Kwianis, Lions, Knights of columbus group. Not sure if your into it but my experience is just do to a church service of your choosing. Occasionally I decide I want to formally touch base with God and it doesn't matter where I end up going... SOMEONE always approaches and engages with me. It maybe a church elder or the church busy body but...this person is your doorway to the group. Just be nice, indicate an interest and other relationships will follow. This just isn't true of church people, I think it is true of most groups. When in a group you need to look around and see who seems to play the roll of initial greeter/new member recuiter.

[polarsmom]

Originally Posted by stumpy

the dog park...i have met some incredible people at my dog park...in fact thats where most of my friends are from now...

or volunteer at an animals rescue or shelter..you'll be doing some very needed work saving animals and meeting some incredible people too (and i gotta tell you basset rescues have some really cool and fun rescue social events...a parade in nj each spring with 600+ bassets...on the boardwalk where thousands come out to see and be seen...and that's just the start of the social season)

stumpy

The dog park is someplace I go to on a regular basis. At least 4 times a week. Its winter now and we still go as long as the temps. are above 15 degrees. At times I don't know who has more fun, me or my dogs! LOL

I do talk to people while I'm there and I do see the same people on a regular basis that I chat with. But its not much more than small talk. Hi, how's it going today? or we chat about the crazy stuff our dogs are doing. I enjoy it. And I usually leave the park feeling much better than when I arrived. I am thinking that I should look into helping out at a shelter like you suggested. It's something I've been saying for a long time. Working with animals is something I've always wanted to do. They always put a smile on my face. Maybe it will help find someone I can become friends with.

[lifelesstraveled]

Hi!

I have this same problem.

My T also suggested meetup.com to meet people with similar interests. They have all sorts of meet up groups: Photography, book clubs, exercise clubs, support groups of all types...the list goes on....I have signed up, but have not had the courage to actually attend a meet up IRL..


good luck!

see after you have frozen your patootie off and the dogs are tired from the park then you go off to a dunkin for some coffee or hot chocolate....or you make arrangements for someone to bring it into the park on a revolving basis. (providing someone can drive and keep it safe from their dogs...demon beast LOVES coffee and donuts so i cannot do that!)

also during the winter there are usually pet expo shows and dog dhows around...try to round up a few brave souls to go with you...the pet expos are nice becaus eyou can bring your dogs and they have great deals..also agility demo's and stuff

try to see if others want to sign up for agility classes, tracking classes, obediance etc...check your county park offerings, spca or shelters to see what they offer... classes for canine good citizen pet therapy etc are fun and good ways to meet others and help people too

[polarsmom]

Great ideas Stumpy. I will definately look into signing up to do something with my dogs. I don't know why I didn't think of that to begin with. I mean, already you have something in common with the people there right? And I know I am usually pretty talkative when I am talking to other 'dog people'.

I'm also going to look into that meetup.com in the near future as well. (as soon as I have a decent amount of time in front of the computer to look into it)