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#1
Dec 20, 2009, 03:58 AM
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Theres T, theres the memorys I can think about of our interactiions when I'm not there, but I dont, I act out with people I know will hit back and thaat causes that familiar feeling inside, of being the blacksheep...why, why, why!! Its almost like I'm afriad to believe in T because she will go away so I might as well stay with whats familiar...logically I can see this but the compulsion inside to act out and be rejected is so great...someone rip my eyes out of my head, rip my heart out...listen to your voices T says, listen to the parts inside...theres too many all demanding, wanting, I can't deal with themall!
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#2
Dec 20, 2009, 05:20 AM
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((((((Melbadaze))))))
Please be gentle with yourself. 
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#3
Dec 20, 2009, 09:12 AM
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Safe hugs. It is so hard for those of us abused to ever trust anywone - even T. We have a need to stay "safe" - which often means pushing away the medicine because we are afraid that the bottle will be empty on the day we need it the most. So why take it at all?
All I can say is I do understand this concept and experience it deeply myself. It is not fun at all. And it hurts. Safe hugs to you. Just remember that seeing T is infact worth the risk you are taking.
__________________
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 skeksi
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