This isn't what i want to talk about.....my time is ticking

So, i saw my T today...and i had a friend come into town...however, i didnt wanna even mention it because it wasnt what i wanted to waste my 50 minutes talking about....How do u get off a subject that U dont feel is worth talking about once it starts? I usually do a "I dont know.." and i take my eyes off her and i look down at my keys....i look back up.. "I dont know..." but i dont think it works very well...anyone have a better way of dealing with it?

Sure... you say, "Actually I don't want to spend my time today talking about that." If you want to you can expand upon that and say something like "It's making me nervous that my time is ticking away while we are discussing something that isn't really relevant to here. I would much rather talk about _____."

You can use non-direct communication if you want to (the 'I don't know' stuff, and looking away etc) or you can simply say what you need and be direct. I guess one inherent danger in using non-direct communication is that it can be interpreted incorrectly. For instance, your T may have wondered if your body language etc meant there was something about your friend's visit that distressed you or you were avoiding.
On the other hand, if you laugh and say something like "let's move on, there are much more important things to talk about!" it is much easier for a T to figure out what you feel, want and need.

thank you Luce! ur absolutely right and i appreciate ur suggestion

free associate...

ugh!! i get stuck in the same position as you, sarah. usually i do the "i dont know" and kind of shut down, but i've found it works a lot better when i say "i actually really wanted to talk about xyz today". my problem is in figuring out why i do the latter only sometimes, especially when i know it works a lot better.

I agree with being direct and assertive....

Although, I recall a time when I told my T that I felt that the topic we were talking about was a waste of time and that I didn't want to spend the session talking about it, and he explained why he thought it wasn't a waste of time....

I then explained that sure, there were valuable lessons there - but I made the EMERGENCY APPT to talk about SOMETHING ELSE!

He got the point....and we moved on......but he then found some way to interconnect the two issues.

Mine does the same.... Sneeeeky therapists.

I think in addition to saying "I have other things I need to discuss today, and I prefer that we go on to this subject _x_" you might want to keep something as a backup. If your T continues to pursue the subject you don't want to discuss as that moment, I think an option is to suggest that you could discuss it at another session if your T still considers it important, but right now, you think it is very important to talk about the topic that is on your mind and heart today, and you want to focus on that for the session. (Sometimes I've had this happen, too, and I've had to come up with a gameplan for dealing with it!)

Wishing you well,
ErinBear

I am abrupt. I will say, "I don't want to talk about this anymore," or "I want to talk about X now." I don't think this is particularly natural-sounding, but it works for me. I think T doesn't mull on it since he's probably so glad that I'm actually asserting myself about something, lol.

Thanks guys, great suggestions! it is tough for me because...I have about -10% assertiveness....and my whole "if im assertive with her, she'll hate me and quit seeing me" thoughts start coming in...is there any ways you could think of without simply saying "i dont wanna talk about this anymore" ?

"I'm going to change the subject."
Or, have a discussion with T about changing the subject I'll bet you will get a positive response and encouragement to do so at any time.

I usually say something along the same lines when I want to change the subject. I've even done the, Soooo....... how bout that football game? or whatever. It usually makes us both kinda laugh and my T gets the hint. Doesn't matter if it's because it's too difficult at the moment or if I have something else that I need to talk about.

I have also used the little break in conversations to change the subject by asking my T a question that somehow relates to what I'd rather be talking about. For example: If I am having a hard time with my son. I'll ask, Have you ever been in this situation?

It's funny. I used to worry about saying "I want to change subjects and talk about this other thing instead - this is more important for me to talk about today." I was worried about the repercussions and as you mention, I have not been an assertive person. But my counselor knows this about me, and usually he surprises me and is actually happy about it and cheers me on when I do something like that and make such a forceful statement - he's usually excited about it. If he still thinks we need to talk about something, we talk through that. Either he explains why he thinks it's important and we talk about it for part of the time, or we agree to talk about it in a later session if he still thinks it is necessary. I think he realizes how hard it is for me to really say how much I need to talk about something, and if I make that sort of statement, he generally respects it. Your counselor could surprise you that way. :-)

Take care,
ErinBear