[ECHOES]

In therapy, when you talk about people in your life, do you use their names or their relationship to you?

[Christina86]

I name names. I'm not sure I care if my therapist knows people's names, even though sometimes they can forget the names but remember the person's relationship to me. So I guess I use both, to make it easier for my therapist to follow what I'm saying

[Typo]

I do use actual names and tell what my relationship is with them, I often talk about friends or family at the beginning of therapy, if I tried to come up with codenames for everyone I would get highly confused probably I feel I should disclose things liek that with T, T already knows my darkest secrets, why shouldn't she know the postive people in my life...plus I'm a bad liar, T always knows when I'm trying to cover something up or beat around the bush.

[darkrunner]

I say relationships. I've only been seeing my T for about 6 months though, so she doesn't know all the names and I guess I think she wouldn't remember. My H came in for a session once and after that I kind of felt silly saying "my husband" instead of using his name, since she actually met him in person.

[MissCharlotte]

Yes! I name everyone and T repeats them back weeks later. For example, I talk about my yoga teacher, Cindy, and T goes one day, "yes Cindy has the best classes." LOL

ummmm...yeah....why wouldn't i?

i guess i'm confused about the question...i'm i'm sitting there spilling my guts about everything from childhood abuse of the rawest nature why wouldn't i name names?

putting a name on something is empowering especially to a person who was abused..i was told to keep a secret or die..so for me i proudly tell their names to anyone who will listen.

stumpy

[(JD)]

There's nothing wrong with naming people during the session. It actually helps your T keep track of who or what you're discussing as therapy progresses.
But you don't have to. If there are many "actors" in your life, you'll need some way to catalog them so the T can keep up.

[hangingon]

Yes, I name names and tell my relationships with the individuals ect..
I think it helps the therapist to keep things straight to. It's funny how much they can remember when you mention a name

I don't name names. My T does not even know my siblings' names. This is one of the many ways I seem to keep my life compartentalized and people at a distance...including my T But I seldom talk about here and now relationships with her anyhow...

[googley]

I use names and when I bring up someone who i think is new to my T I will say their relationship to me. (ie my friend jane. . .). Especially since many things come up for me about people in my life and the way they remind me of other people or situations I think it would be confusing for everyone to be "my friend" since there are a number of them. Since they are all different I think it would be more confusing to call them all by the same thing. The other thing is when I have multiple friends with the same name then I feel every time I talk about them I have to specify which one. I never use last names unless it is something like talking about my professors and then it is always Dr. So and So.

[jexa]

Yes, I name names. I also don't know why I wouldn't do that. My T is sworn to secrecy -- what's the harm in telling her people's names? I imagine trying to hide names from her would get very confusing for both of us.

I guess it is easy for me not to name names since I only have one brother, one sister and one friend! Oh. and one niece and one nephew. How tidy!

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

In therapy, when you talk about people in your life, do you use their names or their relationship to you?

for a long time i called my roommate..my roommate, but i talk about her often enough that i talk to her by her name in the room. But, my mom is "mom", dad "dad", and brother "brother". I don't talk about anyone else enough to think she would remember their names, so I just go by relationships.

[skeksi]

The only person I've named is the sibling who abused me. Other than him and my parents, other people have only come up tangentially, so I haven't needed to name anyone else. I'd be okay with it, though.

[BlueMoon6]

I name names and relationships. I have wondered if I should do that, though. But I do anyway. Ftt has known one or two of the people I refer to and dt knew quite a few people that I talked about. After thinking it over, I thought, why not, who am I protecting? Its therapy and the T isnt likely to do anything with the iinfo anyway.

[ECHOES]

Thanks everyone. I didn't mean to imply at all that names shouldn't be used.
I almost always refer to the person's relationship to me rather than the person's name because I thought it would be clearer, maybe simpler for T. I think she has used both also. I wonder if she takes my lead on that each session. I guess I don't trust her to or think she should have to remember and I don't want to have to say "my sister, X" each time.

I don't know why it struck me tonight that it might be an odd thing to do, refering to the relationship of the person to me.

[velcro003]

i also refer to the relationship as easier on my T as well.

[WePow]

Interesting question for sure... I name names and will tell the relationship once. Then I will use the name in future sessions and assume the T will know everything about the person because I mentioned them one. LOL at self! My T is very honest with me - thankfully! And he will stop me and make sure he understands what I am talking about or who I am referencing. Honestly, I don't see how he keeps up with me as I tend to ramble - a lot - when in session. My favorite thing is when I am referencing some part of my life thinking I already told him that part and he stops me and says "Hold on! I don't know about this! Did I miss this?" Chances are very good that I did not tell him but thought I did because I say so much.

Always names. If I don't he's going to ask for a name anyway.

[deliquesce]

names for people who come up often, relationships for those who don't.

but i'm careful to only use relationships when T/pdoc might know the person i'm speaking about (usually academics since everyone is attached to a university & so might know each other).

[fallenangel337]

I'm pretty sure my T knows all the names of my friends and family. It gets difficult to say "my friend" all the time, so it helps to match a name to a person, right? In fact, there have been a couple times where I've had friends, for one reason or another, accompany me to my appointments, so there are a couple people who have faces attached to their names.

I'm with what a couple other people have said--I'm sitting there for an hour a week spilling my deepest secrets to someone, so why wouldn't I use proper names with them as well?

[darkrunner]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Thanks everyone. I didn't mean to imply at all that names shouldn't be used.
I almost always refer to the person's relationship to me rather than the person's name because I thought it would be clearer, maybe simpler for T. I think she has used both also. I wonder if she takes my lead on that each session. I guess I don't trust her to or think she should have to remember and I don't want to have to say "my sister, X" each time.

I don't know why it struck me tonight that it might be an odd thing to do, refering to the relationship of the person to me.

Echoes, I know what you mean.

For me it's not really a matter of trusting T.
It is exactly what Echoes said above. T doesn't know the names so it is easier to just say my sister, my friend, my son, etc. But I can see what everyone else is saying about it being powerful to use names (esp. when talking about perps), and it is a way for T to get to know me and my life better.

I guess it is a bit odd....it has felt awkward at times but I never stopped to really think about.

[deliquesce]

pdoc/austin-t only know the names of my 2 sisters, and my ex (whom pdoc met). otherwise i go by 'mum', 'dad', 'lecturer', 'friend' etc.

but i dont typically talk about many people in depth. i guess if i was working on relationships more, i would be using names to identify them. but i don't think it's a big deal if you use relationships instead.

[polarsmom]

names for people who come up often, relationships for those who don't.

Yeah, me too. I hadn't given it much thought when I first started therapy. These are the people who are around me on a regular basis. It took a few sessions to get all the names and their relationship to me down. (husband, son, in-laws) I asked him about people in his life and what their names were too. (his wife, daughter and pets are the names I asked about) It was important to me in the beginning. I guess my way of building a relationship. Trusting and feeling comfortable. Now we both use the names of these people regularly. Just as I would talking with a friend.

[sittingatwatersedge]

For my DH and siblings I use names / relationships.

for others, I use relationships. or the person gets a nickname over time (that woman who ...)