Pdoc appointment

I saw my pdoc today for the first time since my suicide attempt about 10 days ago. He really wanted to know why my husband didn't take me to the hospital and he called that negligent. He called my husband while I was in his office to get the whole story. I have absolutely no memory for that day, so I wasn't much help.

After talking to my husband, he felt that my husband had taken slight steps to take care of me, but he still felt it was pretty neglectful for him not to take me to the ER. With the amount of meds I took, he is really relieved I didn't go into respiratory failure.

I'm sad tonight. I know my husband was disgusted with me. Was that his reason for letting it go? I don't know. I was completely out of my mind that weekend. I don't know.

Oh, the verdicts in. I'm only a half match for my sister's bone marrow. I won't be able to be her donor. Very sad about that.

Just bummed I guess.

Only your husband can say what his reasons were. But I think it is fairly common for family members to be desensitized and it's easy for them to minimize and hard to tell when it's really serious. Maybe he didn't understand the danger you were in. Anger can play a part too. Mine has not been into getting treatment or dealing with a crisis either - but I also wouldn't admit when I was suicidal. He doesn't understand what I experienced, and at the time I wasn't able to tell him. Once I was advised to go to the ER for self-inflicted injuries, and I said I didn't want to because I was too tired. He responded by yelling, "You're tired! I'm the one who is tired with everything you put me through!" (don't remember exact words now, but something like that). There were other times he went out of town and left me when I was suicidal, but I had told him to go and that he didn't need to stay. I wasn't going to tell him what my plans were, because I didn't want him around to stop me, but I thought it was fairly obvious. Maybe it wasn't as obvious as I thought, though.

Sometimes they do just get tired of it. But whatever the reason, it is still negligent not to get treatment to someone who is in a life or death situation.

I am sorry you tried to hurt yourself. I think sometimes people close to us don't know how to deal with the illness and sometimes they don't take our hurt serious. They are unable to know how dangerous a unhealthy mind can truly be. We here value your feelings, care about you and hope you can find someone to validate that you truly are hurting and at times it can be so daunting you don't know how to go about telling others let alone how to fix it. I hope maybe you can get some practice here where you can talk to people who do know to some degree and can empathize. Please be safe and take care of yourself.

About 10 years ago my twin sister called me and told me she had taken an overdose of pills. I'm ashamed to say I was annoyed with her. This was not her first suicide attempt and I didn't really take it seriously. I had just had my first baby, and I actually took the time to feed him before I went to her house. I didn't call 911 or anything.
I arrived at her house at the same time her husband did. He was the one who wanted to take her to the hospital (and I'm grateful he did).
I remember how I felt that day, and part of it was denial (she'll be ok, she just needs to sleep it off), part of it was embarassment (I was much younger and not very smart, I guess), and part of it was fear.

I don't know if that helps you at all. I love my sister dearly and in retrospect I can clearly see how wrong I was in the situation. I didn't act properly and let my feelings get in the way of helping her, but it wasn't because I didn't love her.
Maybe your husband will feel the same way.

My husband also has bipolar disorder, and we are both well aware of how serious things can get. I've had to call 911 for him in the past. In therapy, we had both discussed what needed to be done in an emergency. He didn't follow through. I don't know why except he was angry. Maybe a death wish. I don't know.

I'm back. I was in a rush this morning when I wrote my last post.

I'm letting this bother me. I'll see t on Monday. We can talk about it then. I need to just not worry about it right now. No big deal. Old news.

I'm glad you're seeing T on Monday so your feelings don't have to fester any longer and you can work through them.

I'm sorry that you're going through so much.

Thanks MUE. It's nice to know someone's listening.

You're welcome.

I know it's a comfort for me too to know that I'm being heard. Know that you are cared for here, my friend....