[Melbadaze]

I went to session feeling so disjointed and frustrated and just blurted it all out just as it came, struggling to form some cohesion in the words and T's interpretation fed me on every single level!

The best way I can explain it is that I was disintegrating and desperately looking to be "held", and the repetitive pattern of this behavior has been a constant in my life.

for some reason, well the unconscious has its reasons, I even told T about the car crashes I had when I use to drink and the always running out of the house drunk, getting in the car and just driving and T said, "yes looking to be held" I said, yeah thats it, I even once turned myself into the police drunk and car all smashed up and they couldn't do anything because they didn't catch me in the car, T said, yes you wanted to be caught/taken care off.

Thats it, thats what I had been doing all my life, I said yeah and the care out there is so inadequate, T nodded. I feel all at peace and renewed again.

I did mention how lately I keep finding myself talking, talking and T said it may not seem like it, but thats a positive step, your feeling yourself falling apart and instead of spending all day just staring at something to hold you together, your actually talking as a way of showing how your feeling and looking for something real other than an object to help hold you together! unlike the baby in the cot who never cried, never showed what she needed, you are now. At that I begun to cry and said but I don't like it, to show it, to show people I'm falling apart, T said no, because there was never anyone there for you then.

This feeling of being vulnerable is so weird, so scary, but will have its way in the end.

[BlueMoon6]

Melba- It takes a lot of courage and trust to be able to fall apart and trust that T will be there and YOU will be there to hold yourself. That is what it looks like to me. That you trust yourself enough and have healed a part of you that knows Melba will be there for Melba. I have always felt that being vulnerable is being my true self. And trusting that it is OK as it is. There is a level of acceptance and trust and love for myself in being able to do that. I am so glad and proud of you for being able to go there. I see you healing and going places you could not before. What a beautiful thing that is.

Can I give you a hug?

[WePow]

Way to go!!! Getting it out of your heart and into the open with T !!!!!!
Yes - that is a HUGE step in healing! Keep up the very awesome work.

[kitten16]

Amazing, inspiring post...I needed that