This week I was put to the test! Normally when I receive negativity from others, I dish it right out back to them. Then I feel embarrassed for my reactivity in the situation. Over the course of therapy, I have learned to recognize when others are projecting their hurts or anger onto me, or when I was doing it myself.

This week in my poetry class, my instructor said something to the effect of that a certain disturbing poem was fiction and I simply asked how do you know? Well he leased this rant on our class's blog about how poets should have the same license as others in other creative arts. I never implied any of the stuff he was ranting about, he completely took my question wrong. He got personal with it by talking about "the students that had him more than once" and how they could think such things... He got rather pissy.

Now normally this would have sent me sending him bombs of comments back. At first I just laughed because he so misunderstood me and really went on a rampage. But I value this relationship with him, he has taught me so much about writing and how to be a better writer. So this time, I responded back as an adult explaining what my question meant. I was simply asking how do we really know whether an author is using a persona or writing in non-fiction. Then I said it really doesn't matter anyway, it is the poem in the end that counts. So in a sense, he made a fool out of himself, instead of me stooping to his level.

I showed this communication to my T and she said he was clearly overly emotional about this topic and totally projected his anger towards me. She said as a student I had every right to question things in class to help with my learning. I am not sure if any student will ever feel comfortable with saying anything in class after what he did, and I am one who has no problem with asking questions normally.

Then another awesome thing happened this week, I found out that I am going to be published in a literary journal. The poem that is getting published is about how my mom killed my brother due to child abuse. A good modern poem isn't overly sentimental (like greeting cards) even in emotional topics. Well it has been three years since my brother has died, so with distance and a lot of therapy over this issue, I was able to write a good poem about it.

So I am seeing how my life is changing due to good therapy that is ethical and centered on my issue's and not my T's. I am changing old unhealthy habits and my life is getting better now. I still have a long ways to go, but for me at this point, it gives me hope and sense of control over myself and my emotions.

[WePow]

Exotic! WOW! That is so cool to read about how you responded back without stooping to the level being displayed by the teacher :-) Sometimes I wonder if a teacher responds that way in order to force us to articulate our own position. I had one in college who did that and he drove me nuts until I caught onto his "game" :-) LOL. Anyway - good for you!

Sorry to hear about your brother and mom that way. I did not know that about you. To share in poetry is brave. I am happy you are getting published. :-)

[ECHOES]

Congratulations on being able to write a poem about something so painful and for being chosen to be included in the literary journal.

It is so relieving to be able to see when something like your instructor's rant is all about him! I can see why your first reaction was to feel like laughing. The misattunement between your question and his response is funny in it's absurdity!

I admire how you came back with a clarification of your question~~you stood up for yourself, for your original thought, and you didn't take any of his 'stuff' on at all !!

Originally Posted by wpowers

Exotic! WOW! That is so cool to read about how you responded back without stooping to the level being displayed by the teacher :-) Sometimes I wonder if a teacher responds that way in order to force us to articulate our own position. I had one in college who did that and he drove me nuts until I caught onto his "game" :-) LOL. Anyway - good for you!

Sorry to hear about your brother and mom that way. I did not know that about you. To share in poetry is brave. I am happy you are getting published. :-)

Hi WPowers,

Thanks! I am not sure if my prof is playing games or not, but I told my T that I am going to pretend I am his T and keep the boundaries from going too personal with him. It is hard because poetry prof do get closer to students than some other areas of teaching. All I know is that I need to hold back with him, he got pissy with me before, but this time it was very public (on the class blog that is search able by the whole world web)
****This part could be triggery for you and others, so don't read if you are not feeling safe******


My brother was found dead about 3 years ago due to complications from prior child abuse (brain injuries). I had him see a neurologist when he lived with my family and the they said his damage wasn't from a problem at birth. They said either he had a very serious head injury from a car accident or something else. My brother told me that she used to hit him when I was gone from the house till he blacked out. Well since my brother was not married, the next of kin that was notified of his death was my mom. But neither him or me had any contact for her for years, so they had a hard time finding her. I didn't find out till a week later. He was basically a drifter, he took a different path from the suffering than I did, (my T says my path is rather rare in this level of abuse we suffered). Because of his brain damage, he couldn't read or write about a 2nd grade level, but yet he was able to fix TV's, radio's, cars, etc. He was very smart, but in a non-academic way. Nobody suspected anything about my mom since they, including us, was told he had damage from birth and my mom was VERY good at concealing the abuse and her personality from others. It is hard to still be without him, somehow I wished I could have done more for him. But at least he is not suffering anymore, physically and emotionally.

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Congratulations on being able to write a poem about something so painful and for being chosen to be included in the literary journal.

It is so relieving to be able to see when something like your instructor's rant is all about him! I can see why your first reaction was to feel like laughing. The misattunement between your question and his response is funny in it's absurdity!

I admire how you came back with a clarification of your question~~you stood up for yourself, for your original thought, and you didn't take any of his 'stuff' on at all !!

Hey thanks Echoes,

It was funny and he didn't say much from my response. But he made a later compliment from something else in class. I am thinking, "give me a break." Love me than hate me....than love me again.... make up your mind! lol

[Sannah]

Very good work EF!! Congrats on your publishing!

I am sorry about your brother...........

[TayQuincy]

Congratulations exoticflower!

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by exoticflower

But he made a later compliment from something else in class.

Hey, maybe his therapy was working on him and he wanted to make amends