[rainbow8]

Someone on another board asked me what I will do if I repeat my pattern of obsessing about my new "kind-T". I said if she can't help me with it I'll quit and just live with this problem. But now I'm depressed thinking about that happening.

It's too soon to tell, but I feel that I'm "at risk." My new T knows my pattern, and wants to help, but if I have those feelings again like I had for bt and my first T, I don't think I can handle them. It's too painful and makes me crazy. It's like being in love with someone who doesn't return the feelings. My session is tomorrow and I'm going to tell T more about my feelings for bt. I hope IFS will work for those feelings.

The problem is that rationally, I don't want to feel the way I did, but part of me wants to. That part is what I have to address. I'm scared!!

[jacq10]

((((rainbow))))
Honestly, I thought similar things when I started seeing my new T. She knew of my past history of attachment gone awry (with a former T, and another woman) and so she knew that she had to set really firm boundaries with me so that she doesn't put herself in the same position that my other attachment figure had. It was (and is) still at times REALLY hard to not fall back into that pattern of thinking that this new T of mine will "save the day" so to speak... but now I know that this same thing will not happen to me... this is a new relationship.. with a different person.. and I know and trust that she won't hurt me, and that she is there to help me with these former "obsessive thoughts." Honesty really is the best policy in this case (as in many others i'm sure), but if you think you can express these concerns to your new T, I'm positive that she will do her best to take the necessary steps to help you from going down a similar road again.

Jacq

[hangingon]

Rainbow those are some good thoughts and I think it would be great to share them with your new T.

Sometimes I wonder if having a T that will actually hug or hold you when you need will help relieve some of the "fantasies" for you.
I know that sometimes in life we want or desire something really badly but then after we get it we realize it wasn't all that we imagined it would be. Maybe having a T like that will actually help you over come some of the anxiety you have around the issue. Just some thoughts

(((((((((((rainbow)))))))))))))

I think sometimes the only way to unlearn old patterns is to repeat them and try for a different outcome (subconsciously). SO. Maybe you WILL repeat an old pattern with this T...but hopefully, she will have the tools to help you have the insight you need to heal from a pattern that is painful for you.

[sunrise]

rainbow, I hope you won't think the attachment pattern from before is repeating itself if you attach strongly, and yes, even a bit obsessively to your new T. This is not unusual in a new T relationship. I think that if your new T can handle that and not withdraw and hold herself aloof, like your last T did, that the attachment could very well settle down into a nice strong and secure one. But it could take a little while, so don't be alarmed if you start attaching strongly. It's OK! It is also very much up to your new T to not repeat the pattern. Hopefully, since she knows the behavior of the former T, she will not repeat it and withdraw like that, but instead will be warm and nurturing. So please don't quit if you start attaching. All your thoughts on this are good ones to share with your T.

[BlueMoon6]

I love that you will be bringing this up with new T. It seems to me that you might learn a lot about your very young feelings from your feelings toward her and talking about bt. Unfortunately, bt was not going to go there with you, Im glad new T will.

Hugs and hugs

[emilyjeanne]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Someone on another board asked me what I will do if I repeat my pattern of obsessing about my new "kind-T". I said if she can't help me with it I'll quit and just live with this problem. But now I'm depressed thinking about that happening.

It's too soon to tell, but I feel that I'm "at risk." My new T knows my pattern, and wants to help, but if I have those feelings again like I had for bt and my first T, I don't think I can handle them. It's too painful and makes me crazy. It's like being in love with someone who doesn't return the feelings. My session is tomorrow and I'm going to tell T more about my feelings for bt. I hope IFS will work for those feelings.

The problem is that rationally, I don't want to feel the way I did, but part of me wants to. That part is what I have to address. I'm scared!!

I think you have taken the first step in preventing those feelings. You are talking about them with your T. My T has told me if those feelings pop up then we will talk about them. It seems like your T is willing to do that.

[Melbadaze]

I think if the T is worth her sorts...with time and genuine care toward you, your fantasy feelings will begin to be replaced with a real warmth and the need to fill our wound with obsession goes away..well thats been my experience...I use to obsess over women either a teacher when I was at sch or work collegues...that doesn't happen now...

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I don't want to feel the way I did, but part of me wants to.

Can you imagine all of the useful, fascinating, wonderful things there are to this that you and T will discover!