[mixedup_emotions]

Today's session started out very tense, when I addressed the guy that called me a "drama queen", etc. about the latest member that left group....He was defensive at first....and there was a lot of communication between us.

I was stuck a few times and backed off at times as well....T interjected to give some feedback.

Then, I addressed each of the members of group, telling them each how I experience them....and that I am unsure of what my needs are out of group with this dynamic....and it seemed to be taken well by all except the "drama queen" guy....

Then, things changed....

I was very honest with him....and he then became more honest with me...and less defensive....and ultimately said he didn't want to be hurt...which I didn't understand, really....

At the end of the session, he expressed genuine sadness - one of the rare times I've ever felt that he was being authentic and in touch with his feelings.

The session was coming to a close, and he said, "I have one more thing"....He looked very anxious, stood up, came over to me and gave me a very long, intense hug....and said, "I'm sorry".....

WOW. I was shocked and very, very touched....I accepted his hug, hugging him back...and thanked him.

I am hoping this will be a turning point for us. He has major trust issues, and I don't think those are going to go away....but I am hoping to be able to not let it be a roadblock in my growth in group. Ultimately, his lack of trust in me needs to be explored so that his growth can occur. He "needs me" in order to do his work. I get that. I just need to be prepared to accept the let-downs that his feelings evoke in me....I am hoping to be strong enough to be able to face this challenge and understand not to take his feedback too personally, but instead as a learning opportunity for both of us - and an opportunity for him to understand himself better and grow.

I have a lot to digest about this session.

[rainbow8]

I am so happy for you! Sometimes things turn out much better than we expect. It sounds like you have a really good attitude about this guy in your group. I hope the group continues to go better for you.

(Okay. That's weird. I swear I posted to you, but it's not here. Let's try again.)

Great work. Great communication. Way to go!!

[googley]

That is great!

[peaches100]

What a good example of what honest communication can accomplish. That's wonderful!

[WePow]

MU !!!!!!!!! WOW!!!! You accepted the hug and I think THAT is the most important thing you shared in the post !!!! :-) That is so awesome!!!!!!

[Sannah]

Wow! Great work! I am so glad that you opened up and addressed these people in group!!!! Yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[laura2]

you should be proud of yourself!, you took a risk by being so open & honest, & look what it achieved, your bravery payed off, i do hope one day your group realise they are lucky to have you, i do hope the great work continues.

[zooropa]

wow, that is powerful! I really get a sense of how hard you were working in there, and how hard the drama-queen guy worked, too. You were able to really express your feelings, not just to him but to the whole group. That is HARD, but it will pay off! I really do think this will be a turning point for you and for the group.

Just think about how your work is helping drama-queen in his recovery, too. That is the great thing about group T I guess. I wish I had the opportunity to be in a process group like that.

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks, everyone!

I really do hope that this is a breakthrough for us, and that I can continue to build the courage to open up more in group. It's scary and it's hard. I don't even open up with T a lot of times, and that's someone who does care about me, isn't going to judge me, etc. So, we'll see. But I want to at least know that this barrier will dissipate and not be a roadblock to my growth in group.

Keeping my fingers crossed....