[skyliner]

I've been talking to my t about my daughter's trauma and how difficult it has been for me to find a good t for my daughter (a minor; not in her teens)

T said she knows of an excellent t who is semi-retired, and she will ask this t if she'd be willing to work with my daughter.

So I met with this t today and told her about my daughter's trauma and other difficult life circumstances that she's been through. I was pretty pleased with this t, some postive things about her.

And some negative things as well. One of them being:

She asked me to sign a 'release' so that she can talk to 'my' t. I asked her why she'd need to speak with 'my' t. She said that because my t made the referral she would like to talk to her to get more info about my daughter.

I said to her that I'm uncomfortable signing a release, and that she's intelligent enough to get all info about my daughter when she meets with her!

If my daughter and her develop a good trusting alliance my daughter will inform this t of all her 'issues' via talking or art or whatever method she chooses to communicate.

Her request triggered a considerable amount of anger/rage in me. Often, if not always, my anger is an indication that something is not all right here.

I have a lot of resentment around the idea of 2 figures in positions of 'authority' talking about me, as though they are a step above me and they can talk about me as though I am an object, a case, a 'patient' who is 'sicker' than them, etc.

If the two of them want to talk, let them talk in conference with myself! What have they got to hide anyway?!

I was so pleased at the end of the session but then when she called me back to sign the release it stirred up my anger and I now have such anger at her. (To be discussed with my own t, of course)

Anyone else have this gut sense that something is off about her wanting to talk to 'my' t? I mean, if she wants to find out more about this child, she will find out when she starts working with her! My child will play out all her issues with the toys and games and dolls and the whole play-therapy thing!

And I sensed she was upset when I refused to sign it. I respectfully told her that I am uncomofortable signing under pressure and that I will think it over.

I can't imagine taking my daugher to her with all this anger I have. I feel like I have picked up on her countertransference anger and it is fueling my own anger. I'm not so sure I was so angry when she asked me to sign the release. i think I became real angry when I sensed her own anger at my refusal to sign.

Aargh, this is confusing me....my anger, her anger????

[ahc82]

I know this will sound pretty bad (maybe) - but I know from experience as the child in this situation that maybe it would be best not to let your own feelings get in the way. Im guessing it would be pretty hard, but if your T recommended this T, maybe you should give her a go. Theres a chance she could be THE one for your daughter. I just think it could be a mistake to walk away now.

But in regards to wanting to talk to your T - I dont see why she would have to. She can surely get info from your daughter and yourself?

[sunrise]

I think you could offer to speak to her yourself so you can convey information about your daughter. But it seems like you did speak to her, so the new T did have an opportunity to speak with you. So it is kind of puzzling, almost like the new T doesn't believe what you said or something, and is going to ask your T questions not about your daughter but about you. Because your T knows about you, not your daughter, right? So it does seem a bit strange. I guess I would expect the new T to meet with your daughter for a few sessions, and if she still had further questions, to then ask if she could contact your T.

My daughter is in therapy and I have signed a release form a couple of times for her therapist to speak with my therapist, who is a family therapist, has met with my whole family including my daughter once, and who has a very good grasp of the dynamics in our family. Each time the request was made, there was a specific reason why, and the reason was told to me. It all made sense and I had no problem signing. Maybe if you asked this new T why she needed to speak with your T and she gave a good reason, you would feel more comfortable with this.

If this T seems good in other regards, I hope you will give her a second chance, for your daughter's sake, and work out how you feel about what happened with your own T.

Good luck.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by skyliner

I respectfully told her that I am uncomofortable signing under pressure and that I will think it over.

It sounds to me as though you did a good job setting your boundaries.

[peaches100]

This t's request to speak to your t may be something she does routinely when a fellow t has referred a patient to her. This new t doesn't even know you, so there is probably no hidden agendas or malintent.

However, when reading your post, i found myself also feeling uncomfortable with the idea. The thought that would come to my mind is, "Maybe the real reason this t wants to talk to my t is because she wants to know if my daughter's problems are my fault because of something I'm doing wrong as a parent."

Having said that, i also realize that I have a bad habit of "mind reading" and jumping to conclusions. Because I'm so insecure, my mind tends to go in that direction. Like i said earlier, most likely, this new t's intent is good.

Would you feel more comfortable if the three of you could meet and talk together (both t's and you)? That way, you know what's being said?

My t and my son's doctor conferred with each other when they started working with my son. It was a way for them to kind of cut to the chase I think. Be on the same page. I'm sure they talked about me since I did sign a release for myself and also for my son. That was okay. I trust both of these men as professionals and I know they have my son's best interests in mind. I also know that I, as his parent, certainly play into my son's personality and overall needs. I don't think of it as them talking about me (and even if they did, they wouldn't really bother me). I take as them trying to gather as much knowledge as they can about my son in order to help him. It can take a very long time for a t to enter into a child's world therapeudically. Whatever they need to get that process rolling is okay by me.

[skeksi]

When I agreed for my T to talk to my pdoc, I had to sign releases for both of them. I was uncomfortable with this and so T helped me write a list of what he COULD share. He could only share the information I listed, nothing else. This way I am controlling the flow of information.

Maybe you could do this with your T?

[skyliner]

You are all a great support! I did discuss with my t that I would consent to them talking provided I was on conference with them.

I am not dropping this new child therapist as I think she is really wonderful. We had one session with my daughter and it went really well in my opinion, compared to other not-as-experienced therapists I had taken my daughter to.

It is true that the fact that she wants to talk to my t has a whiff and a flavor of her desire to find out about what kind of person/mother I am. Well, we had a joint session, myself and my daughter and I gotta tell ya she saw what a good (or shall we say good enough) mother I am. Folks mostly comment on what a great mom I am. I am warm and caring and considerate and set appropriate boundaries with my kids. For the most part. (good enough is good enough, lol)
I think the therapist can gather plenty of info when she sees how my daughter and I interact;
So I have not signed a release and don't intend to ever do so.
I have had a past experience where I signed a very specific release and the therapist did not keep to the boundaries and the limits of the specific release. So I am particularly on guard since that incident and my gut instincts are my self-preservers. Don't ever go against your gut instincts. Gut instincts guide you and direct you. Just listen and pay attention to them.