Cant relax

I am having home day today. My kids are here, everyone is playing with the new puppy, I am doing this or that and I really could relax and do nothing. I even took a short nap. But when I relax or just hang out with my kids I have this uncomfortable feeling. Like I am not "doing" something, I am not taking care of something, there is something else I can do, I am having difficulty just "being."

I sit, I enjoy them, but I feel almost uncomfortable in my skin. I have brought this up with ftt before and it is something I have felt for a long, long time. Its as if I dont know what to do with my brain during relaxing moments. In the past this would have been a binge time because I would have to sit with myself. I drank waaay too much decaf today. And all of the salad in my house. Im okay with that. But I feel restless and "bad" for doing nothing. Like I have to "hide" that I am doing nothing and I could get caught

Ughh I know how this feels. It is awful! I don't have any words of advice.. but here are some

I can SO relate to this, and I hate it. Why, WHY is it so hard to just "be"?

That is why I love knitting. It's the first time I can just sit and hang out. I love to knit AND it feels like I am "doing something". It's kind of a middle ground for me, which is the best I can do right now.

Thanks Jexa, Thanks Tree- I dont know what it is so hard to just "be." I cant even say in words how much I want to be able to do that. To just have an afternoon and evening when I just am me, doing nothing, relaxing and enjoying the gifts I have been given. Maybe it is related to not feeling I am worthy enough to just "be" that at any minute I will be criticized for doing nothing. Or I keep myself busy enough so I dont have to feel or think. No matter how much work I do on myself, I am still a feeling-phobe.

I struggle with this, too. It is so hard for me now that I live alone, there is never enough to do to keep the hours filled and yet I can't just BE. I have to be busy, busy, busy. I drive myself in circles just finding things to do in the apartment, because my anxiety keeps me from going out most of the time.

I know partly it's from being called "lazy" as a child, and mostly it's from being afraid of feeling if I let myself be still too long, and a little bit is probably AD/HD. It's no fun. Especially when I'm tired, physcially and mentally and deep down in my soul like I am now but I still can't just BE. At times like this even sleep is elusive.

BlueMoon6,

Growing up, we were taught to always be doing something, that we should not be wasting time. Reading was an accepted activity in my house and brought me many hours of enjoyment and escape. It might be nice to have a good book around for afternoons that you get a little "down time". Just a suggestion.

Hi bluemoon. I'm sorry that I can't relate but I hear you. Hugs if you want them. I hope you can come to a point where you can enjoy the relaxation time you do get.

((((Zoo)))) I can relate to that so much. Having to be busy all the time. But it isnt that I dont have enough to do. I have SO much to do and I just dont put it aside to relax even when I can put it aside.

Slowin- I LOVE to read. I have a book that I love that I am reading now (Yoga Body, Buddah Mind...or as my son says, Yogurt Body, Butter Mind) but I cant relax enough to focus on a book unless I am alone in a waiting room or its 1 am and everyone is asleep. And even then I think of a million things to do before I pass out. Its a good suggesiton, I wonder if I could sit and read and put everything aside. Maybe next saturday which is the only time I can slow it down at all.

Trying- Thanks for the hugs and support. I love hugs and it makes me feel so much better when people post to me even if they dont relate.

Maybe when you are "doing nothing" your subconscious is very busy "doing something" that will come out later!

I was never taught how to just "be". I'm begining to feel ok about just sitting and enjoying the moment, but still takes lots of practise.

enjoy the puppy..play with her..don't think about it just play..play as a kid would..enjoy the joy of being with her..let the big goofy grin come out and laugh at her and you..sit on the floor, let her climb on you, and do stupid things..and you do them back.

be a kid, let the mind relax..the body will follow.

walk her..watch her...see what she does..how she sees things, what intrests her..not you..its a fun way to look at the world...

sometimes the way to settle is to misdirect.

and the best way way to relax is to laugh like a child at pure goofiness & happiness..& nothing better than a puppy...so waht if she pees...ya clean it, its not the end of the world, really, its not.

stumpy

Blue, I remember this. I had to always be busy. That's just it, it is being uncomfortable in your skin. That's why you have to stay busy so that you can distract yourself from "being in your skin". I'm trying to remember how I worked through this. I think it involved working through my issues. Your issues give you all sorts of thoughts about yourself and these thoughts are what make you uncomfortable. (Or your thoughts give you your issues??? It probably goes both ways........). Self worth, unexpressed and stashed away feelings, not meeting your needs, I think these all had something to do with it. Good insight that you can identify this..........

BlueMoon6,

How about meditation? I haven't been successful at it myself (my mind is too busy) but I surely would like to be good at it someday. I try it sometimes, but I obviously need more practise. It might be something that would work for you.

This is a typical day in my life. Can't relax can't engage can't enjoy. I am paralyzed by all the thoughts of what I could be doing but cannot, do not do anything. I avoid phone calls and get frustrated when people drop by. I have no social skills. It is so hard. I am weighing the pros and cons of getting on medication. I feel like I am letting my husband down. I would completely understand if he left me and the truth is I think I would be relieved. Which is how I feel about all my relationships even family. I think I want them to leave me alone.

I know I am pulling up this old thread, but I want to respond to everyone who posted to me

Pachy- its true- these things can come up later- I always seem to process while *I* am away.

I just want to relax and just "be" and play with the puppy (she's doing great btw and sorta house traiining....sorta...). It does take practice. And the ability to compartmentalize as Sunny once put it. I would like to practice that. I am not sure HOW to do it, unless I already do it

Sannah- There were two things ftt told me this week about keeping "busy" and one reason was to keep my mind from thinking too much and the other was to feel "productive" and I do it I think for both reasons. I also do it for this fear reason, I think. I find it so difficult to just "be." I even wonder who I am when I am just "me." If Im not "doing" then who am I???

Slowinmi- I am really LOOKING DESPERSATELY for a good mediation CD. Id love to do something like that. I mediate on my breath. I need more practice with that. I can meditate and slow down when I do yoga, but I am moving so maybe it is differerent?

(((Romijo))) I can understand those feelings. It is a painful place to be in. And so difficult because the connection that could help us and support us the thing we are afraid of. Do you ever talk about it with your husband?

Bingo! And it is scary to find out, huh?