I'm reading some of your threads here...about sobbing in therapy or just going to a safe place and screaming/crying....and I have to admit I'm a little jealous.

I've never been able to completely let go like that and just sob. I really wish I could do that and let T be a witness to my pain in that way. It seems like for me the pain leaks out in small doses--I weep quietly.

I know there's nothing wrong with that, just weeping. But I crave that big emotional release. At the same time I fear it. I worry I'll end up in a puddle on T's floor.

For those who have had big emotional releases in therapy, did it just happen? How did you find the courage to let it out?

[jexa]

I don't cry in T, not even silent tears. I can't. But on my own, in a safe place, I will have big emotional releases. I guess they don't happen out of courage. They happen out of a feeling of being totally overwhelmed. It just comes from one thing piling on the next thing piling on the next, and all of the hurt and pain and especially rage fills me to the breaking point.. and then I can't take it anymore and it all comes rushing out and I'm banging on the doors in my house and screaming.

I wouldn't consider it a good thing that this happens.

[lilacbutterfly]

I just got to a point where there was no other options. Don't worry, it'll come. It took me almost a full year in therapy before I even cried. It took longer for a huge sob. For me it comes when we touch on something really sensitive or I'm really grieving.

I really never cried at all until I cried in therapy...and I don't think I cried in therapy until I had been in therapy for well over a year. And when I did cry, it was about someone who had died, which made me really really sad, not about past stuff.

I kind of think that my crying this week might be the first time I've ever cried about past stuff. I cried a couple of times about people dying, and a couple of times about my relationship with T, and a couple of times because I was just so overwhelmed by life and T was considering the hospital...but never never never about the things that sort of brought me to therapy in the first place.

You know...I think I pretty much did end up in a puddle on T's floor...and it was okay. I think that T is much more accepting of us than we are of ourselves.

to you...

[WePow]

For me, I did not cry at all in my first round of therapy in my 20's at college. I never let anyone see me cry if it could be helped. And I went for many years with this dry pain on the inside that was shut away and I could not reach it. I just had to live with knowing it was there. My T in college told me to not force it - just to allow whatever was real to be real. And usually, when there was emotional pain being expressed in session back then, I was laughing. That was my learned defense to watching my brother be abused. In fact, most of how my family handled anything emotional was to laugh about it.

With my current T, the tears came as a result of anger and frustration at work. That was why I decided to go back into therapy after about a 12 yr break. I was getting so angry and frustraged at work that I would find myself sitting in the car and crying from anger. When I started to see my T, those angry tears were to first ones to start comming up. And I really had no choice in the release because I was at the point of exploding or imploding ... so I actually did have a semi-controlled breakdown. In that time, I would e-mail T or see him in emergancy sessions and he would see it all come out. I just could not hold it in any longer. There was just too much I had held in for too many years - and I had no more room for anything else. So when the top blew off - it blew! I had to know how to reach my T and I had to let others around me know I was in serious trouble. Then when something hit me hard, I just had to go to a safe room and it would just come out. Kinda like a volcano really. In fact, at the start of therapy before I knew my T - I think it was after the 2nd session - I had to leave work and go to the park because I was feeling myself not be in a safe state. While there - in public - I was watching the kids play in the water fountain and it hit me full force - the knowing that my own childhood was stolen from me - my innocence and joy - and I dissociated and saw myself crying. I was wailing in public and no one came over to see if I was ok. I felt so totally alone and hopeless. It was one of the worst days of my life. But after that break down in public - well when the tears wanted to come, I had no strength to stop them.

The body sheds the tears the eyes refuse to weep.

[zooropa]

I very rarely cry in T. I think I might have teared up in there a couple of times, but I am still waiting for someday to have this big CRY that I feel like is coming. I've been going there almost a year and a half. I would love to have that big release. But I'm not a big cryer in general, I have learned to keep my emotions pretty much under control and it takes a lot for me to let go of that, so it doesn't surprise me. I think my T and I are both kind of waiting for the day when the dam breaks and I let go of those tears while we are doing this trauma processing stuff.

[tryingtobeme]

((((((((((((griffinp))))))))))
I've had those times where I just brokedown. I don't feel it as a emotional release. For me it is expressing the pain, hurt, sadness, and all the other feelings I feel about the subject we are on.

We all express our selves in different ways. Do you know what issues cause you to want this big emotional release?

[polarsmom]

But I'm not a big cryer in general, I have learned to keep my emotions pretty much under control and it takes a lot for me to let go of that, so it doesn't surprise me

My T gave me a hard time about this because I was putting so much effort into holding onto all this "stuff". All these "emotions". I'd avoid certain subjects, or change the subject when we'd get to something that mattered to me. I would answer him, but I was brief. I didn't want to say stuff out loud. Actually saying it made it real and I didn't want to feel it. My T just kept telling me that if I just let myself be free enough to it let go I won't feel so trapped, heavy and worn down. And we've been steadily working on me just letting go of all the hurt. Sometimes I can, most times I can't. I may get choked up. And that's usually when I say I don't wanna talk about it right now.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by polarsmom

My T gave me a hard time about this because I was putting so much effort into holding onto all this "stuff". All these "emotions". I'd avoid certain subjects, or change the subject when we'd get to something that mattered to me. I would answer him, but I was brief. I didn't want to say stuff out loud. Actually saying it made it real and I didn't want to feel it. My T just kept telling me that if I just let myself be free enough to it let go I won't feel so trapped, heavy and worn down. And we've been steadily working on me just letting go of all the hurt. Sometimes I can, most times I can't. I may get choked up. And that's usually when I say I don't wanna talk about it right now.

This is my problem too. The whole therapy process is hard because being there makes everything so REAL. I have almost got teary a few times in therapy in the 2+ years I've been going, but thats it. It is too scary.

[gravyyy]

Thanks for this post griffin.... I haven't had a release in years. Like 6 years or 5 years. The last time I cried was at my grandma's death and that was 5 or 6 years ago. I have been in T for over 2 years and I think I would be comfortable crying in front of this new T and certainly I would have been with my old T but I can't do it. I can't get that release. I would love to but I can't. So I get what you're saying in your post. I don't think it's something you can force, but for me I know it's something I don't have to try to resist. My automatic reaction to the feeling of any emotion is to stuff it and I need to learn that it's okay to experience emotions, even if it means crying. I envy those of you who are able to have that safety and release with T. I imagine it to be very tiring and draining but very relieving. I don't know though!! Thanks again for this post.

[Melbadaze]

I cry in therapy now as I talk. Before I use to bend over and hide my face, now I cry and talk together. Its in free association that it happens to me. I go, I talk, I heal.

[sunrise]

When I cry in therapy, it is pretty quiet, the tears just come down my face. There are times when I am OK with crying and let it happen. There are other times when despite not wanting to, I cry, and sometimes I will hide my face at those times, behind a hand--like I'm frustrated with myself, and I may say at those times to T, "I didn't come here to cry!" But sometimes I do come there to cry and I am more comfortable then. I have sobbed a couple of times, just one sob, a deep to the soul sob. It felt cleansing. I've never sobbed anywhere else in my life. Sometimes it just takes so much energy to hold at all in, that it is a relief to just allow myself to cry. Then I can use the energy for something else, something positive and productive.

Originally Posted by tryingtobeme

((((((((((((griffinp))))))))))
I've had those times where I just brokedown. I don't feel it as a emotional release. For me it is expressing the pain, hurt, sadness, and all the other feelings I feel about the subject we are on.

We all express our selves in different ways. Do you know what issues cause you to want this big emotional release?

I learned not to cry as a child to protect my M. and also to prevent further abuse.

***warning might trigger****


There were times my M tried to make me cry, and if I did, she would slap me and tell me to stop that. "you're fine" she'd say. But then, she also got angry if I refused to cry, so it was a lose-lose.

I want to really feel the safety and freedom to cry without fear. As a kid I just wanted to crawl into a safe adult's lap and just sob and be held. I think that's what I'm craving with my t.

Originally Posted by griffinp

I

There were times my M tried to make me cry, and if I did, she would slap me and tell me to stop that. "you're fine" she'd say. But then, she also got angry if I refused to cry, so it was a lose-lose.

I want to really feel the safety and freedom to cry without fear. As a kid I just wanted to crawl into a safe adult's lap and just sob and be held. I think that's what I'm craving with my t.

((((((((((((griffin))))))))))))))) My mom would do the. exact. same. thing. WTH? How do they come up with that crap? She would also stand in a doorway and make me walk by her through the door...if I flinched, she would hit me and make me do it again...over and over until I could do it without flinching.

I am so so so so sorry you had a mom like that too

And yeah, to crawl into a safe adult's lap and just sob and be held...it hurts to not be able to get that, doesn't it?

Lots and lots of hugs to you.

hugs to everyone here... damn i just don't like how we can understand the post here so much and the cruelty that was done to us. my little sister asked me once, what we had done that momma had to hurt so bad... and i couldn't get her an answer and to this day. i don't have an answer

[rainbow8]

I never cried in therapy--not ever. Not in about 15 years of therapy. I wish I could. Maybe I don't have anything to cry about. My parents were nice to me, not mean--ever. I am so sorry for those of you who had parents who treated you so badly. But I still feel pain and wish I could cry in therapy. I wish I knew how to let it out, but it never happens. Maybe it will when I do EMDR.