I know I posted about this last week...but today I had my first session since I started having this feeling of "hey, I don't NEED T in the same way". It was soooooooooo strange. He kind of just seemed like a person - not "T", all larger than life. I've had SO much support outside of therapy that I really didn't have anything to talk about, other than reporting how this big shift has taken place. I actually said something OUT LOUD to T about ending therapy someday.

Who knows, the "newness" of the support outside of therapy might fade and the need for T might come back full force. Or not.

It felt weird while I was there, but now it feels a little sad. I'm not going to change anything yet, but I can feel it ahead, you know?

I don't know whether to feel like or . Maybe both.

Originally Posted by treehouse

It felt weird while I was there, but now it feels a little sad. I'm not going to change anything yet, but I can feel it ahead, you know?

TH, I know what you mean. When I first started having similar feelings, I didn't want to act on them at all. In fact, I thought of them but wasn't ready to deal, and so just put them away for a while. But lately they've been coming up more and more, to the point that I have also initiated discussions with my T about them.

Interestingly, I found that doing so actually brought up some big concerns for me -- after mentioning potentially cutting back my sessions (which I feel ready for) I started feeling really unsure about the relationship (always a trigger), like she would think I was pushing her away and that she'd stop being interested in me and move on. This made me anxious. We worked through that and she promises that she won't, even if I come only once a month or less. I am planning to try out every other week in the near future, and see how that goes. I will definitely not be stopping completely anytime soon because I like having that support structure in my life, even if I don't need so much of it right now.

Oh, yes, I also know what you mean about suddenly seeing T as just another human, and not as the "powerful relational figure" anymore. It's a weird shift. I found that my sessions got less intense/less drama filled after I was able to start seeing things that way (though I think seeing things the other way was a necessary trigger for some of the earlier work we did).

I would agree with you, keep considering it at your own pace and don't do anything suddenly. You can always increase or decrease frequency as needed, without ending your therapy relationship altogether.

[jexa]

I don't think I would know what to feel either. I think you can feel and at once. And I think that's about how I would feel. Right now the thought of that happening is more like to me, but that is just where I am at in my therapy. Once it happens I guess it just happens. And isn't there anymore then.

Remember this ebbs and flows.. I think you are right not to make decisions right now. Changing things is hard. It's okay to go less often, and then change your mind and go back to twice a week. It's okay not to need T right now, and then to need him more later. Everything you feel is okay.. I am glad you are getting support outside of T, I am glad your needs are being met. I am glad you are doing okay, tree.

Originally Posted by treehouse

I know I posted about this last week...but today I had my first session since I started having this feeling of "hey, I don't NEED T in the same way". It was soooooooooo strange. He kind of just seemed like a person - not "T", all larger than life. I've had SO much support outside of therapy that I really didn't have anything to talk about, other than reporting how this big shift has taken place. I actually said something OUT LOUD to T about ending therapy someday.

Who knows, the "newness" of the support outside of therapy might fade and the need for T might come back full force. Or not.

It felt weird while I was there, but now it feels a little sad. I'm not going to change anything yet, but I can feel it ahead, you know?

I don't know whether to feel like or . Maybe both.

I think it's both. Just because you are starting to feel like you *could* end therapy someday, doesn't mean that you have to cut back now or anytime soon.

I can relate to that feeling of T is just human and not larger-than-life. I think it's a really healing realization. It means that I can get some of my needs met by normal, regular people. I can connect and feel warmth with other ordinary people. I don't have to keep hoping or holding out for the perfect mother fantasy that will never come.

Just on a logistical note...In two years I have gone from seeing T once a week to once every 2 weeks, then once every 3 weeks and then back to once a week, and now I see her 2x a week. It all depends on what's going on with me and how much support I need at the moment.

Thanks, you guys

notme - I SO get what you mean about talking about cutting back bringing up some old abandonment fears. That started coming up for me this afternoon, and I left T a message about it. I need to know he'll be there as long as I need him.

jexa - you're right about not changing anything right now. I'm just going to sit in this middle place for as long as I need to.

griffin - thanks for sharing how your appointment schedule has changed over time. That was really reassuring to me.

[ECHOES]

tree, it sounds like a really comfortable place you are in right now. Good to celebrate!

Are you thinking possibly medication is contributing?

[darkrunner]

Treehouse,
Thank you for sharing this....I had been thinking about you so much yesterday and wondering how you were doing.
It makes me feel so good and.....safe?.....knowing you are finding support outside of therapy.

Originally Posted by treehouse

Who knows, the "newness" of the support outside of therapy might fade and the need for T might come back full force. Or not.

If it does come back - that's ok. Maybe a silly analogy, but I thought of when my kids 'gave up' naps.
It didn't happen like turning off a light switch - one day they needed a nap, and one day the didn't.
It was gradual, and intermittent.
And as slowly as they needed to 'grow out' of it....that was ok.
It can take as long as you need Treehouse.

Originally Posted by treehouse

I don't know whether to feel like or . Maybe both.

Both.

Echoes - I've wondered if the medication might have anything to do with it. I keep thinking I'm "cheating"...but on the other hand, if feeling a little better helps me learn how to reach out to people outside of therapy, etc. then it's worth it.

darkrunner - I love the nap analogy.

[ECHOES]

tree, you aren't cheating, you are working hard and doing what's helpful to you.
It feels so good to enjoy peacefulness and success at the same time.

Medication isn't cheating. It's just doing for yourself what you need to do.

[Chronic]

He kind of just seemed like a person - not "T", all larger than life.

Wow, that is such progress! I cant imagine thinking of T as a normal person.

I can imagine you do have mixed feelings about this. Of course you want to be independent of T and to be supported by your friends and family, but not to need T as much as you have must feel very strange and sad. Did you tell T how you were feeling about this? I think it is a great step in healing.