[Luce]

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Hunny]

Luce,

You are one of the most loving and caring people I have read here on PC. This truly is a gap for you. How can I help gird you up to call someone. My feelings are very heightened too, at times. It is partly who I am and I have a decent intellect. But you have the added features of a lovely child, school and work. Sometimes it is just overwhelming and you need a rest. Do you have family and friends nearby that can care for your child while you get some rest. When my children were younger, I used to sleep the weekends away when they went to their Dads and I worked and went to school. Also, school has that different kind of draining quality that I know you know is just like no other energy zapping time, good when all the other responsibilities are not too great.

You deserve to have all your needs met Luce and even some of your wants. You are trying your best. There are many who care for you here on PC. Please be strong and courageous for you are worth it!

Hunny

Originally Posted by Luce

I've been really struggling to write this. because i have no right to ask for help or support. inside of me is laughing at me and screaming "you %^$&£$ idiot! you think anyone would give a *&^% about YOU??"

I am contemplating finding a T. even though the inside of me believes i don't deserve any thing from anyone, intellectually i don't believe that. intellectually I firmly believe that every single person on this planet is worthy of love, respect, and intimacy. it is the emotions that rule my life tho.

i am an island. in the 'gaps' in my life, between the busyness of work and study and parenting, the uselessness of myself overwhelms me. I am in such a gap. I sleep while my child fends for herself.

but what is a good enough reason to go to a T? i can't stand the thought of inflicting myself on anyone. I can't stand the thought of being exposed.

Sometimes i hate myself so intensely.
just trying to get up the courage to call someone.

Luce, I'm sorry that you're struggling. Yes, in my totally non-professional opinion, you have plenty of reason enough to see a T if you want to. Sometimes it's nice to have another support structure in your life, sometimes it's nice to have a sounding board that can provide you with alternative ways of looking at things, sometimes it's nice to talk to someone who can possibly make the world/your options seem bigger than they are appearing to you in your time of struggle, sometimes it's nice to just try something new when you feel like you're out of options.

Maybe just try it as an experiment? Just find a few T options (from your health plan or whatever), give a few a call, set up appointments, and go...go even with low expectations, what does it hurt to give it a try?

[WePow]

(((((((((((( Luce )))))))))))) You deserve love and joy.

[deliquesce]

luce, i'm sorry i didn't respond last night. it was past midnight when i saw your post and i was too tired to type out something coherent.

your post made me sad because i truly, really really really truly do think you are one of the nicest people on PC i've had the pleasure to come across. i always get excited when you post because i know you don't post here often, and i always think what you have to say is valuable. i worry when i havent seen you around because i worry that things aren't going ok for you. i want things to be good, even great, for you because i think you deserve it. not in just an intellectual "everyone deserves a great life" but in a "i think Luce in particular deserves the bestest of best lives ".

i care so much about you and i only wish you would reach out more. i'm hopeful you'll pick up the phone and call a T. i really, really am. the amount of self hate you have tied yourself up in doesn't befit someone as wonderful as you. i think any therapist you exposed yourself to would see that you are beautiful and want to treat you with gentleness and care .

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i truly, really really really truly do think you are one of the nicest people on PC i've had the pleasure to come across. i always get excited when you post because i know you don't post here often, and i always think what you have to say is valuable.

Yes, this. Exactly.

Luce, you deserve support and peace and love and joy.

Something I have been practicing is "acting as if". It helps me take the actions I need to take. So, if I am struggling and want to call a friend for support but I'm scared, I "act as if" calling isn't scary to me. I pick up the phone and dial it. It's so hard, but being able to take the action usually moves me forward to a better place.

If you can't see the things we can see about you, can you "act as if"? Can you pick up the phone and call a T?

We ALL deserve gentleness and care, Luce. Please let yourself have that.

to you.

(((((((((luce))))))))

i always enjoy reading your posts because you are so insightful and caring. at first i thought maybe you were a T. it sounds like you are so hard on yourself though, and your struggles with self-hatred are a great reason to go to a T. i hope you can find someone to be really gentle and compassionate with you so you can see how much you are worth.

[Kiya]

You are suffering. Reason enough to get a t

"Sometimes i hate myself so intensely. "

((((((((((((Luce))))))))))) glad you spoke up, and glad someone else copied it in their reply so others can reach out to you