[Thimble]

Hi all - I have a really hard time after therapy sessions (and they aren't difficult sessions - we are just talking about current events, etc. while trying to build "trust"). Actually, I start to crash right before the session even starts....the anticipation builds all week and I can't wait for the session to come...and then before I even go in, the sadness and "let down" feelings start.

I cry all the way home. I immediately take the dog out for a walk to release the anxiety, and end up crying while walking her. I spend some time on the treadmill after that, still trying to decrease the anxiety. I can't sleep and stay up until around 4 a.m. the night of the session...I don't even want to try to sleep though - which brings us to my self-destructive behaviours post-session (ie not sleeping even though I have to go to work, not taking my medication, engaging in eating disorder behaviours).

I have tried writing post-session to release all the feelings (of anxiety and sadness) but it doesn't help and makes me even more anxious so I have stopped doing that.

I just don't know how to cope afterwards and am looking for any suggestions on how to manage in the hours and days that follow a session when I continue to experience these feelings. I can't talk to my therapist about it because he will just say maybe I shouldn't come to sessions then, if it is so upsetting. And that is absolutely the last thing I want...ie to stop going, or to go less often.

I look forward to any comments or suggestions you might have...or to hear if anyone else feels this way post-session.

Thanks

(I have social anxiety issues - I am only ok around co-workers and family - any other "in person" interaction with people (including the therapist) causes me great distress and anxiety. I am sure that factors into all of this)

I doubt that your t would tell you not to come to sessions. He would help you work on the anxiety, help you develop some coping strategies, etc. Talk to him about it.

[Chronic]

(((((Thimble)))))

This is something I really struggle with too. I have yet to tell my T the full extent of how I feel when I leave him, but he does know that i find the end of sessions difficult. I am sure that when I do pluck up the courage to tell him that he wont tell me not to come- he will want to work out a way to make it easier for me.

I have major abandonment issues, so this is probably one cause of why I feel like I do, amongst a whole host of other things. I went to T with social anxiety too, but then other things came to the surface, so I do wonder if this is in the nature of someone with social anxiety- maybe the attachment you feel with T is something that you are not used to, and to suddenly go back to being isolated and alone is very upsetting.

So I say definitiely bring this up with T- tell him you are scared he will tell you not to come, but that you WANT to come- you just need some help in dealing with the aftermath. Im sure he will respond positively

[Fartraveler]

I had this problem in a major way for a long time. The only thing that really help was going to pottery class after. For a long time, I had T on Wed. afternoon, and did pottery Thurs night, and I was always a wreck until after Thurs night.

Not that I am suggesting you do pottery, but maybe something like a structured, obligatory, calming activity might help. Yoga class? I don't know, something like that.

Good luck, I really do sympathize, I suffered with that problem for a long time. I didn't start pottery until I had been doing therapy for about 3 years.

-Far

[3velniai]

Originally Posted by Thimble

I can't talk to my therapist about it because he will just say maybe I shouldn't come to sessions then, if it is so upsetting. And that is absolutely the last thing I want...ie to stop going, or to go less often.

A good T will never ever say this. Really You should try to talk about it with him/her, or at least briefly mention it, maybe T can help you come up with some ideas how to make you feel better. I used to struggle with this too after I just started therapy, it wasn't so hard as it is for you, but I used to spend evenings on the floor in the dark room because I was afraid of light, SIed and stuff like that. I used to write a lot, it helped me. Or draw. Or just look for distractions, e.g. watch a movie, read a book, play a computer game, chat with someone. My T allows me to email, so I emailed her, and she would respond the same evening or the next day. Also I discovered that certain smells help me relax, so I used that. After a few months it became a lot easier and I don't feel as bad I used to after sessions.
Your T has to know about it, otherwise he/she can't help you deal with it. If it is too scary to talk about it, you could print your post and show it to T.

[ECHOES]

Your T would understand that this is part of the process. Sometimes things like this happen and seem be impossible for us to understand. It is okay to just let it happen and notice all parts of it, without judging it. We can be deeply touched by a nice therapy session. It might be deep gratitude and disbelief that we have this wonderful gift of therapy, that we can be with someone who care about our emotional well being, who listens closely, who doesn't judge. It is beautiful and touching.

[BlueMoon6]

((((((Thimble))))) Im so glad you posted about this. Maybe its the beginning of saying it out loud (well, in writing) and then moving forward to understand it.

I had the SAME thing with dt. I dont know if this is what it is for you, but this is what I think it was for me with her. I would build up to SEEING her. I wanted something from the session, something from her. It was something that I didnt even understand or know that I wanted. Whatever it was I wanted it so badly that even knowing that I wasnt going to get it made me sad and hurt even before the session began. It was something old, from childhood that I was really needing from her and craving. And I couldnt even put my finger on it (at that time).

If only I could have talked to her about it (and known then what I know now) I might have not learned A LOT more than I did about why I felt the way the way I did about her and who I made her into for me. I wanted to be taken care of and "mothered" in a way that I had absolutely NO IDEA I wanted from her. It is still hard for me to wrap my mind around it, but it fits and I really think that is why I was so sad. Maybe because I did at moments get this from her and the moments (which was most of the time) when I didnt I craved it. Its as if those moments of feeling that way with her made me want to try and try to get that feeling from her every session.

Why do you think he will tell you not to come back if therapy makes you so upset??? Did he ever say anything like that to you- that you should come in less often or do therapy a different way if it is so hard for you? If not, I def think you should bring it up, even if you do while staring at the floor.....

[jexa]

I have had a similar problem, too, Thimble, at the beginning of my current T relationship. I would get stuck in therapy ruminations so badly and it was hard to cope. I had nightmares about therapy and I couldn't sleep. And I was afraid of the same thing as you - that telling T would make her think therapy was bad for me, and that she would tell me it is best to stop coming.

This is how I broached the subject with her.

I cautiously told her that sometimes I couldn't stop thinking about therapy after our sessions and that it bothered me. Her response to this (interest, concern, not suggesting that therapy was harmful to me, no inkling of the threat of termination) made me feel safe in telling her more. I still proceeded cautiously.. told her sometimes I feel very badly after sessions but therapy is the only way I know how to fix my problems. That I wish therapy didn't make me feel this way but coming to therapy was the only thing I could do about the problems in my life. She accepted this as well. She asked if I wasn't going to therapy, would something else be bothering me as much? This question scared me. But I told her it'd be just as bad, in a different way. She never threatened to kick me out.

I think telling your T will be very helpful to you. A good T will take this as an opportunity to provide you with coping skills that work for you, and then after talking about the feelings, you will have an immediate opportunity to use these skills since these feelings happen just after session.

As far as coping? When I am distressed because of a session, I resolve my intense post-therapy feelings partially by accepting them, not fighting.. partially by journaling and thinking, partially by posting here and getting lovely responses from this great board.. sometimes going over to my brother's house.. and breathing. Letting it ride..

((((Thimble)))))

[Thimble]

Thank you all for your responses. It really means a lot to hear back from everyone.

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

I had the SAME thing with dt. I dont know if this is what it is for you, but this is what I think it was for me with her. I would build up to SEEING her. I wanted something from the session, something from her. It was something that I didnt even understand or know that I wanted. Whatever it was I wanted it so badly that even knowing that I wasnt going to get it made me sad and hurt even before the session began. It was something old, from childhood that I was really needing from her and craving. And I couldnt even put my finger on it (at that time).

Blue...bang on (and you made me cry - d'oh!!!)

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

Why do you think he will tell you not to come back if therapy makes you so upset??? Did he ever say anything like that to you- that you should come in less often or do therapy a different way if it is so hard for you?

He knew I was afraid before I even started therapy with him so he told me we could have sessions that lasted only 1/2 hour instead of an hour (so I wouldn't be so stressed or feel trapped there for so long)....I almost lost out on full sessions with him by letting him know my fear - and it took everything in me to protest against that option and keep the sessions at the full hour..... I don't want to give him any opening to cut down the time I get for sessions.

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

If not, I def think you should bring it up, even if you do while staring at the floor.....

The floor? Looking at the floor? I know not of what you speaketh! Just because I wouldn't know him to bump into him on the street because I have never looked at him....that is irrelevant.

[Thimble]

Originally Posted by Chronic

I have major abandonment issues, so this is probably one cause of why I feel like I do, amongst a whole host of other things. .

Yeah...me too

Originally Posted by Chronic

I went to T with social anxiety too, but then other things came to the surface, so I do wonder if this is in the nature of someone with social anxiety- maybe the attachment you feel with T is something that you are not used to, and to suddenly go back to being isolated and alone is very upsetting.

I think you are right...

[Thimble]

Originally Posted by Fartraveler

I had this problem in a major way for a long time. The only thing that really help was going to pottery class after. For a long time, I had T on Wed. afternoon, and did pottery Thurs night, and I was always a wreck until after Thurs night.

Not that I am suggesting you do pottery, but maybe something like a structured, obligatory, calming activity might help. Yoga class? I don't know, something like that.

I agree - that I need something distracting to do. My poor dog says please don't let it be more walks with her though - I already drag her out far too much and she says if I want her to come on any more walks, she gets to ride in a wagon.

[Thimble]

Originally Posted by 3velniai

My T allows me to email, so I emailed her, and she would respond the same evening or the next day.

My t lets me email too (and he responds really quickly) - I am really lucky that way. I just get too afraid to email him, thinking what I have to say is stupid. And I worry he will think "well why didn't she just say it during the session an hour ago, when she sat there the whole time saying nothing?? if she wanted to talk, she should have done it then - I have had enough of her for today/this week - she had her chance in session, she blew it - why do I now have to respond on my personal time?"...I know he doesn't really think that (probably....), but I feel that way

[Thimble]

Originally Posted by jexa

.. told her sometimes I feel very badly after sessions but therapy is the only way I know how to fix my problems. That I wish therapy didn't make me feel this way but coming to therapy was the only thing I could do about the problems in my life.

This is exactly how it is for me too... and why I still want to go despite how upsetting it is.

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by Thimble

He knew I was afraid before I even started therapy with him so he told me we could have sessions that lasted only 1/2 hour instead of an hour (so I wouldn't be so stressed or feel trapped there for so long)....I almost lost out on full sessions with him by letting him know my fear - and it took everything in me to protest against that option and keep the sessions at the full hour..... I don't want to give him any opening to cut down the time I get for sessions.

Do you think maybe you could tell him right away that you want to tell him seomething but you dont want to cut the sessions back or have shorter sessions? That you are afraid he will do this if you tell him this? (All the while looking at the floor, of course). You could even say that you know somehow that this is imortant and that you want to work on it. That it may be because of a deeper issue that really doesnt have anything to do with him.

He's a smart guy, I think he'll get it

[Thimble]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

That it may be because of a deeper issue that really doesnt have anything to do with him.

I think with me, it isn't so much of an issue of getting "parental" support from him. It is about wishing he could "fix things"/make things "different" and hoping the session will do that in some way...ie change something in some part of my life...and yet knowing, even before the session starts, that this won't happen...and being sad having to face/accept that fact. It was like that with every therapist I have seen - being sad before the session even started, knowing it won't make anything "better" in my life.....because changes have to come from me, not the therapist and I can't fix anything in my life as history has shown, only make it worse. And another week has passed with nothing getting better or having any hope of getting better.

Anyway, thank you all for letting me vent/whine about this. I'll think about talking to him about it.

[looking4polaris]

It looks like you've gotten lots of great responses, so I'm not sure I have anything helpful to add, but I'll try. It sounds like your "post session anxiety" starts before the session, so why don't you try to start writing about it before your session instead of saving the writing until after - if you find that writing helps.

This next idea will probably sound really stupid and it may not work for you at all. It is totally a 'take your mind off it' idea and not a 'deal with it' idea. The last time I went through a really, really bad depression (I'm bipolar) my Dad, bless the poor helpless guy, said "why don't you watch a funny movie." I thought it was possibly the most unhelpful thing anyone had ever said to me. Then one night my husband stuck some stupid 80s comedy in the player and I actually got distracted from my misery for a couple of hours. So, that's my unhelpful advice...watch something funny and try not to think about it for a couple of hours. Please don't hate me for this stupid advice.

Definitely bring up the whole ball of wax with T. I feel confident that T won't dump you over it...and my great-great uncle was a fortune teller, so I have a really strong feeling about it. That's the truth!

[Thimble]

Looking4polaris - that is great advice! Thank you

Now...about this fortune teller thing...I was just wondering about some upcoming lottery numbers......