I went to a class in my community that my T also attended...we both knew ahead of time that we would both be there. It was a therapy-related class (taught by a different T) and it deals directly with issues I'm working on in session with my T.

We talked ahead of time and agreed it would likely be intense but also very useful...and we agreed to check in afterward. I've seen T in my community in a professional setting before, so I wasn't at all worried about it actually...seeing her out of session, I mean. She has great boundaries that way.

Yet, something unexpected happened and during the class. The teacher asked my T a very direct, very personal question related to the topic. She put my T on the spot and pressed her and pressed her repeatedly in order to prove a point to the class as a whole.

My T, quite understandably, was really flustered and stammered for several minutes while the teacher drilled her. It was so painful to watch. My T handled it well, I think, but it was clear to me (and to everyone) she was extremely, extremely uncomfortable.

After the class, my T asked me how I was (I was a bit shaken) and we agreed on a time to talk more about it. I said something briefly about the teacher's style being harsh and T just nodded and held her hand up and said "say no more...." like she agreed with me, but knew it wasn't the appropriate time or place to vent about it with me.

It was just a really weird, really interesting experience. In a way, I felt really connected to my T in all her humanness. I felt the strong urge to take care of her, but I also knew that she would never let me or expect me to take care of her. She maintained her boundaries well, while still connecting with me on a very personal level. There was a lot of unspoken understanding there. If that makes sense...

But a part of me is sad too because I hate to see T hurting. I know she'll be fine...and it's not my job to take care of her. But it was jarring.

Has anyone else ever seen their T like this?

Wow. that must have been hard.

i would have gotten up and slugged the guy...alright, not really, but you get the idea.

im sorry that happened. woa.
i hope you and your T can talk about it, because i am sure you both have feelings relating to the experience.
i dont understand what you were learning that would need to make someone so uncomfortable...

sorry that happened.

Sorry to be vague....I just don't want to go into specifics that might be triggering to people. I'll say it was a class related to protecting kids in our community.

The teacher was trying to illustrate the right way vs. wrong way to handle a particular situation, and used my T in the demonstration. But it got personal.

I didn't have the urge to slug the teacher, but I did want to yell "STFU and leave her alone!" Instead, I fidgeted and stared at my shoes.

[jexa]

OH my GOSH! I am imagining my T in that situation and it would be.. wow. You described the reactions I would have really, really well!

In one sense, it would be really really difficult to see T struggling in that way. I would be angry at the lecturer for being so harsh! And I'd feel embarrassed for T, too! In another sense though, like you said, it would be a way to connect with T and see her humanity.

I've never seen my T in this kind of situation, but T has said things to me about how nervous she gets sometimes (she was trying to normalize my social anxiety) and that she blushes and gets blotches all over when she is feeling very shy. Sometimes I can tell in session if she's not sure what is the right thing to say because she stammers a little. It is sweet though and knowing about her anxiety makes me want to keep her safe somehow.. I bet she would blush and stammer in that situation pretty badly. If I were in your situation I would have had such a hard time NOT standing up for T, even though it's not really appropriate. That lecturer sounds pretty insensitive! Plus how awkward for your T, knowing she had a client in the audience too!

You sound like you are handling it well, though, griffin. When are you going to see your T next?

[WePow]

MAN! That must have been intense for you to sit through. I am not sure what I would have done because I hate confrentation anyway! And if I thought my T was being picked on, wow. Yeah I would have prob done just what you did and ended up needing to write about it here on PC!

The closest I have come to seeing T being like that was once when I had to make an emergancy apt with T. He didn't want me to come in but I was in such a bad shape that he went ahead and told me to come in. He was very late comming out to get me and when he did, he did not look well at all. Some big burly man had been in there and I could not hear exactly what was said, but he was not talking like a client. And from the way he was dressed and how he acted when he left, I think it was my T's supervisor maybe or someone like that. Might have been his father because I don't think he has a supervisor since he is independent now. Ugggggs if it was his dad! All I know is T did great trying to yank himself together to handle me. And I had to bring my friend with me to drive and she even noticed he did not look so well.
I remember I made the fatal mistake of saying something along the lines of "Thank you for seeing me even though you are busy. I know this is an inconvienence to you." And he shook his head yes at the last part. UGGGGG! It took me a lot of thought to realize that he was just being honest and there was a reason he had said earlier he did not want to see me that day. But on the inside of me, I just wanted to find that man who had just left and go kick him in his shins about a zillion times!!!

:-)

I see T in a few days....we emailed yesterday about the class. But only about the content and how it affected me. Not about that incident...

The other thing I noticed is that after the class was over, T seemed really relaxed around me....I may be reading way too much into it, but it felt sort of like she was glad I was there and glad to have someone she knows to touch base with...

Maybe it is really possible that when she says she feels a deep connection with me, that she actually means it?

WePow...How difficult to have heard T say he was inconvenienced. But how great that you realized that he was not upset with you and that his frenzied state had nothing to do with you. That's awesome.

When I first saw my T after she was abruptly placed on leave last year (because of a disagreement with management, not because of any inappropriateness on her part) she made no secret of the fact that it was painful for her to have her relationships with all of her clients terminated so brutally. Like your T, griffin, she was very professional about it and maintained her boundaries as flawlessly as ever, but as you mentioned, it was a very human side of her that I experienced that day. I also felt very protective of her, and I still do when she talks about perhaps returning to work there later this year. The whole experience was traumatic at the time, but I am one of only a very few of her clients who managed to reconnect with her at her new job. The whole experience, being something we in some way went through together, has changed our relationship, very much for the better.

[Mike_J]

NO I never have

If we were in that situation she would want me to keep out of it and let her handle it on her own (she is extremely capable).

But there is no way I could just sit there and watch someone/anyone make her upset.

I guess it's the protector in me, but I would have stood up and told him in no uncertain terms to "knock it off" I'm a very non-violent person, but when it comes to protecting someone I care about the look in my eyes has made grown men cry (fear).

She would be upset with me for interfering in something that wasn't my business, might even terminate our therapy sessions over it. But it wouldn't matter. She is one of the few people I would protect however I could no matter the situation, no matter the cost.

But that is just me.

I've seen my t go through losing a son and his father. He kept working through both crises. He was okay, but I knew he was going through really tough personal stuff. But he knows how to take care of himself, and he knows how to do that and take care of his patients at the same time. He's a strong man.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I've seen my t go through losing a son and his father. He kept working through both crises. He was okay, but I knew he was going through really tough personal stuff. But he knows how to take care of himself, and he knows how to do that and take care of his patients at the same time. He's a strong man.

wow! He worked through losing his son? Ugh. Thats horrible. (and the father too...but your own child is something else)

Originally Posted by velcro003

wow! He worked through losing his son? Ugh. Thats horrible. (and the father too...but your own child is something else)

His son had cancer. It wasn't sudden or unexpected, but he was distraught. He talks about it sometimes and the grief has gone through. He took maybe a week or so if I remember right, but came back to work pretty quickly. With his father he was gone maybe a week, again not unexpected.

The hard thing about cancer is that it goes on for awhile, and all that while you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. We've experienced a lot of that in my family over the years and are going through it yet again with my sister. I teach with a woman whose child was born with leukemia. She comes to work each day for the most part. Not much choice sometimes. You do what you have to do.

[velcro003]

true so sad! poor T.

I'm still struggling with this. I wish I could see T today and be reassured that she is fine. I know she is fine, but I feel anxious. I'm worried that she is burning out on all the trauma stuff... I'm worried I overwhelmed her further by emailing her this weekend.

I know this is my clouded perception. But still I worry.

[purple_fins]

I can sure understand your worry griffinp

I'm pretty sure this kind of thing would result in me fleeing..... from T.

thinking of you

fins

[kitten16]

That must have been exquisitely awful to go through!

I would have been paralyzed too. Don't feel guilty or anything for not standing up. It wasn't on you to do that.

How sad though. God, I hate educators who humiliate their students. I think some of them make mistakes around that -- it's a confrontational style, not hostility. But I've seen enough of them to know that some are simply sadistic.

And what does that do to you, to see this person you depend on and admire, maybe even love -- to see them ambushed like that?

It was nice that you got a good vibe from her after the experience. How amazing to think that your presence might have comforted her. What a lovely thing, actually, to have come out of that!