[Xtree]

All she did was ask for her co pay. It is very very little money but I have forgotten to give it to her for a many weeks now. Certainly not her fault but I spiraled into that place of devastation (rejections etc), reminding me this is just a business etc. She specializes in Family and marriage so just before that I asked her why she treats me? Maybe I was just looking for a compliment but I am just setting myself up to fail.

These feelings linger with me for days, it is just easier to avoid the whole thing!

Thanks
Xtree

[rainbow8]

Hi, Xtree! I haven't seen you here for a while. It's nice to "see" you again. I understand your struggles with the T relationship. It's my theme too, or at least it always was until I started with my new T. I'm not sure now how it will play out, but I know I'm starting to feel close to her, and that always brings up the "it's your job; I'm paying you; you have a family and I'm not part of it" feelings. They're hard!

Have you discussed your feelings about her with her, like what you posted here? Has that helped at all? I'm sorry I don't remember from your past posts. I sort of recall that you have discussed all that, but I could be wrong.

Why have you "forgotten" to give T your copay? Are you really forgetting, you don't have the money, or is it that you're angry with her? She must be a nice T if she hasn't insisted on the money up until now.

Does she know your feelings linger for days? If not, do you think you could share it with her? I do hope you don't feel miserable all of the time about your therapy. Can I send you hugs?

I think that money issues in therapy are sooooo difficult to cope with. Although I know that my t must earn money, it still feels hard that really, its all about money at the end of the day!!

Originally Posted by kindergirl

I think that money issues in therapy are sooooo difficult to cope with. Although I know that my t must earn money, it still feels hard that really, its all about money at the end of the day!!

Oh, I would have to disagree. I teach. That's my job. Yes, I take home a paycheck for it. But for me, really, it's about those kids in the long run. Helping professions are draining and stressful at times. People don't stay in those professions JUST for the paycheck. Not for very long anyway.

I imagine therapists are pretty much the same way. There is an intrinsic reward for helping and supporting individuals day after day.

[dfh932]

Xtree,
That is a bummer. I can see how you would feel that way, and like others have said I hope the feelings aren't unbearable until you see her again ? Sometimes I know I feel the same way about T having an outside life. Like, she's so nice to me and this is like the first time i've ever ever felt close and trusting and good in a relationship, and all the time I feel like, wow...if only this were in REAL life. So it is just an important relationship to me, even though i know its maybe more significant for me than for her, or I might think/worry about it more...

I also agree about telling your T about this...For me, for some reason one of the hardest things to talk about in T is T, or T and me. I have had feelings and thoughts about our particular T/me relationship and other things that have happened...but it is like I'd almost rather talk about anything, even scary or gross things, than to actually talk about "us" in the room.
I don't know how others do this; maybe its a maturity thing. Maybe not being able to talk to T about T has something to do with the root of a person's "issues"....but it drives me crazy.
But I bet it would give her a lot of good information if you could muster up a way to talk to her about it...I'm not sure how you could start it off but I bet there's a way to bring it up without feeling too self-conscious or worried how she will react.

[dfh932]

also just as a technical thing if you are able to discuss these feelings with her, maybe you could find another way to pay without having the direct face-to-face conversation about it? This might be too much but maybe you could mail your check in before you even have T every week? Like, if your appointment is on Thursday you could mail it in monday and just talk to your T about this and work on your emotions and the relationship...but for the future you could think of it as a self-care thing...like you know this is a triggery interaction and could avoid it by doing some mailing and writing a check beforehand? just a thought!

[Snakebit]

Originally Posted by Xtree

All she did was ask for her co pay. It is very very little money but I have forgotten to give it to her for a many weeks now. Certainly not her fault but I spiraled into that place of devastation (rejections etc), reminding me this is just a business etc. She specializes in Family and marriage so just before that I asked her why she treats me? Maybe I was just looking for a compliment but I am just setting myself up to fail.

These feelings linger with me for days, it is just easier to avoid the whole thing!

Thanks
Xtree

Xtree,

My therapist and I have a system for this. He feels out my next appointment card while I fish in my purse for the money. We then do the exchange.

I know what you mean about sometimes it hurts that it's a business. My T told me once that he cared about me and my first thought was "I bet if I couldn't afford you, you wouldn't care that much". I think it is not just a coincidence that Drs. build in the separate money paying personnel. It separates the two businesses - caring for the patient and getting paid.

[sittingatwatersedge]

I hand over the $$ the minute T is seated. Then I can forget about it & focus elsewhere.

At end of session she fills out my appointment card for next time; I don;t know, it seems to end us up on a hopeful note, a look toward the future. Maybe this would work for you?

[Xtree]

Thanks! I usually pay 4 weeks in advance, I just forgot. Mailing it is a great idea.

The truth is it isn't about the money. The truth is she is in a position to make me feel like that. The truth is she can make me feel like that over something as small as five dollars. It is the rejection and the vulnerability I felt. It just isn't right.

My instincts tell me that I need to take that power away from her.

Xtree

[dipintalreja]

true very true indeed