[DivideByZero]

Hello.

I am currently in DBT. These are my major "issues" at the moment:

-Sensation of black inside sometimes. (no feelings, no imagination, no dreams, difficulty thinking, no strong sense of ID)
-Feeling very very sad inside sometimes.
-Feeling relatively severe pain, migraines, abdominal, joint pain. (Sometimes it is about as severe as the feeling of breaking a bone.)
-Problem with taking substances to help me feel things (opiates, alcohol, gravol, mersyndol, whatever I can get my hands on). Also problem with SI to help me feel things. When I feel I have hope that I am not completely dead inside.
-Intrusive memories and "visions" of horrible things happening.
-Very suicidal.

I asked to see my Pdoc for the program and she just says there is nothing I can do but DBT. Is this correct? Should I be looking for other help? I don't feel like the people in this program listen to me. I have a dx of BPD so I think (dont know) that they think I am acting out or something. I don't act out, I just want to feel something again. I want to get better so that I can get on with my life.

Any suggestions? Anyone experience anything like what I describe?

[Fartraveler]

I have had all these issues (except for the substance abuse) (but including the SI.) (But I have never had a BPD diagnosis, as my T doesn't believe in labels.)

DBT is I think considered the standard BPD treatment. I never did that, though. However, my T is actually the 12th T that I tried with, and I am just lucky that she has the experience and skills to help me (because I think I am probably the type of client that is hard on a therapist.)

So, to answer your question, there may be other things you can do. However, it is very hard to find a T who is able to treat BPD successfully. And I think it is the sort of issue that inept T's make worse.

DBT is a standard, tested treatment, and the T's get lots of supervison, so why not stick with that? How long have you been in this program? If you think they don't listen to you, have you tried to talk to them about that? If yes, how have they reacted?

Good luck.
Take care,
-Far

Abusing chemicals and self injury are ways of acting out. Be sure you are really working the whole program and not fighting it, and that you are not using negative self-coping strategies. DBT is supposed to be the standard for working with BPD although I don't have any personal experience with it. I hope you can be honest with your t and let her/him know about everything you listed in your post.

[zooropa]

I have also been told that there is nothing else that can help me, that is proven to help people like me, other than DBT. That was also my experience, that nothing else helped. I've been in DBT for a year and a half now and it DID save my life. It works, it CAN work, you just have to stick with it.

I struggle with it sometimes, too. It can feel so regimented and rigid. It feels invalidating sometimes, I hear you saying that and I have felt that, too. My best advice is to keep talking to your T about how you feel about the therapy. Tell him/her that you feel like they aren't listening to you, and that you want to get better.

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad! I hope hugs are okay. I was diagnosed with BPD but did or don't have it so severely. I never used DBT formally, though I read a lot of the hand-outs from an online course.

I disagree that nothing else can help. I used to post on a BPD recovery board and not everyone was in DBT, though the focus was on CBT (which DBT is based on). There are many roads to health and recovery. My new T uses Internal Family Systems therapy and doesn't believe in diagnoses. It's your life, and if you think a different type of therapy can help you, you can interview other Ts and see if they have had success using methods to treat BPD other than DBT.

I had a T who used CBT with me but I didn't like it because I needed to talk to her. I needed her to listen to my problems and validate me as a person. I just don't think anyone can say "DBT is the only way". But, I'm not a good role model since I'm still struggling with my issues.

If you are very suicidal, does a DBT T just ignore that? I hope you get a chance to talk about those feelings. Please take care of yourself.

[Sannah]

Do I hear you asking if there is a painless way to heal? If this is what you are asking there isn't. The only way out is through.

[DivideByZero]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Abusing chemicals and self injury are ways of acting out. Be sure you are really working the whole program and not fighting it, and that you are not using negative self-coping strategies. DBT is supposed to be the standard for working with BPD although I don't have any personal experience with it. I hope you can be honest with your t and let her/him know about everything you listed in your post.

It would be acting out if I told anyone else. These are private things that I am doing because I dont have the skills to make myself feel anything.

Do I hear you asking if there is a painless way to heal? If this is what you are asking there isn't. The only way out is through.

No, I want to feel things. Pain would be nice anything would be nice.

Thanks for all of the help. I will just keep it to myself and continue with the program. I think once I get all the tools I will be in a better place.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by DivideByZero

It would be acting out if I told anyone else.

Can you explain this more please so that I can understand?

[zooropa]

If you are very suicidal, does a DBT T just ignore that?

in my experience, yes.

Originally Posted by DivideByZero

It would be acting out if I told anyone else. These are private things that I am doing because I dont have the skills to make myself feel anything.

I think you are fooling yourself a bit there. Just because you don't tell someone you are doing it doesn't mean you aren't acting out. In fact, do these things, hurting yourself, and keeping it secret is speaking loud and clear. These are things that DBT has or probably will tell you are poor coping mechanisms. Doing them anyway is a bit rebellious toward the rules of the program I would think.

[Elysium]

Remember...DBT is about learning the POSITIVE coping skills you will need when your "feeling" comes back.

You say you want to feel, yet you self medicate which does not allow you to feel. It only keeps you numb and then you medicate more for the numbness.

It has to hurt if it is to heal, but before the big hurt comes, you owe it to yourself to learn the POSITIVE coping skills that will help you cope in a healthy manner.

If you don't want to cope in a healthy manner, than why are you spending your money on DBT when you could just continue self medicating.

Work the program and give yourself permission to learn the skills. Take a hiatus from your issues and educate your mind, body, and spirit, and give them the skills they need to succeed.

Or don't....But that would be your choice.

[DivideByZero]

Thanks for the advice, it was very helpful. Goodbye.

[Elysium]

Originally Posted by DivideByZero

Thanks for the advice, it was very helpful. Goodbye.

Bye.

Take care.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

[quote=DivideByZero;1368736]Hello.

I asked to see my Pdoc for the program and she just says there is nothing I can do but DBT. Is this correct?

Hi, I'm Billi and i have BPD.

Yes, I have been thru this, too.

Yes.

I went to a program and they dx'd me with BPD and said also to me that DBT was the only thing that worked.

I don't agree.

DBT has helped me, but that's not the only thing that has helped.

Talking and processing feelings and issues and, yes, BEING HEARD is also very important in my view.

i have told them this.

They didn't listen and that's essentially why I left.

Also meds help.

I have started massage therapy as well, although I can barely afford it.

so I think it's okay to use many other tools and solutions as well as, or instead of DBT.

Just my thoughts.

ty for sharing your story.

Billi

[little*rhino]

sweet mother of god....

cozzy... don't lock yourself in like this, none of these people know you like i do. They are answering superficially as they can't know, you know? i do wish people would be careful when dropping answers into a thread where someone mentions suicidal struggles.

dont you dare say goodbye

cozzy, i've never once known you to exhibit bpd traits, ever. My guess is that dx came from someone finding out you SI... yes? That is unfortunate if the case.

you do feel... but you shut it off... if you felt nothing then you wouldn't struggle so much with hurting others...

i wonder if maybe the key is outside instead of inside. Do you live cozzy? Do you do things that you would classify as actually living? If yes, what? what things do you do outside of what is needed to survive?

sometimes the way to feel is to make connections externally and stop the internal spiral by directing it positively outward.

if you don't think you do such things, find one... anything that puts you in real world contact with people, preferrably something that evokes empathy and humility. Find a way to volunteer at something meaningful... let your heart do what it was born to do and see connection

i know how you fall into the existential musings, but be real cozzy, be right here, right now... whether those abstract ideas are true or not doesn't really affect the day to day unless you fall into it and drown.

remember the story i told you that night about my boy dog? holding him till he calmed? remember how you felt?

remember what i explained to you about being empathic? or how that monster you fear you have inside is more about feeling afraid?

i've missed you my dear friend... ... would love to chat with you (i go for surgery next week)

[pachyderm]

"Acting Out" -- I have never liked that phrase. To me, it means inescapably: BAD. Or perhaps more correctly, the person who tells you that is uncomfortable, but hides his/her discomfort by putting the blame on you...

And no, that is not a phrase which has been used about me, particularly.

[little*rhino]

it's no fair to pm me and not allow return messages cozzy

but what you said made my day I am so glad to hear from you. I was very concerned.

Cozzy... idk if you'll do it or not, but... trust me on one thing... go out and find just one thing that you can do for others. It would be best to be some sort of regular thing... like volunteer in a soup kitchen. ANything that allows you to give of yourself to others. An animal shelter is also good... just find a very real way to give of yourself.

just trust me on that

i've been working hard on learning how to live... not just exist, but really live. Some days i have hope.

be well