What does this mean? Trust what?

Is it individual -- for example I might need to trust that my T won't hit me whereas someone else might need to trust that their T won't dump them?
Or is it a "bigger" thing?

Why does my T say I don't trust her? I don't even know what that means?

What are some signs that you trust or don't trust your T?

How do you know when you trust your T?

Why does it matter?... so you tell them stuff?

[gravyyy]

I fully trusted my last T and it was really from day 1. I just had that connection with her. I told her the deepest things I have never and would never trust anyone else with. My new T is different. I don't fully trust her but I tell her semi-deep things so I can see her reaction to it and perhaps in the future it will be a total trust situation. I look at it this way, eventually it's a good idea to trust T b/c if you can't then you're wasting time and money. It's definitely a process. I also figure T is the one person you can pour out your deepest darkest secrets and if you don't like his reaction then you can fire him, never see him again and you can move along to someone else (I get it that it's more complicated than that). I hope evetually you can fully trust T but if it's been a while with T and you/re still not being able to trust T, maybe it's time to move on. Just my thought on this. Good luck

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Solarwind

Why does my T say I don't trust her?

Can you ask her?

What are some signs that you trust or don't trust your T?

If you have been seeing a T quite a long time and still can't ever open up and share important things with her, then that can be a sign you don't trust your T. When it is early in the relationship, I don't think not being able to open up means a lack of trust. In that case, the relationship is still developing, and the T is still working on establishing herself as trustworthy.

There are also other reasons a person might not want to share something with their T. For example, I am kind of shy, so sometimes I have difficulty sharing because of that, especially when we haven't seen each other for a few weeks.

If you question many things your T does, as if believing they are not in your best interest, then I think this can mean a lack of trust. I don't mean to suggest that clients should not question their Ts. But its the T's intent, rather, that is being doubted by the client--like questioning that your T says or does something as if with an ulterior motive to do you harm in some way, instead of for your benefit.

Why does it matter?

So you can form a strong working alliance and work on things together and figuratively "go places together" in that room. So you will view the T as an ally who wants to help instead of an enemy who is out to get you. It is difficult to do the hard work of therapy with someone who you think doesn't have your best interests at heart or doesn't want to help you.

Trusting your T allows you to take shortcuts, so therapy is able to move more quickly. For example, there are times T suggested something to me, and instead of needing to talk in detail about it to find out exactly why and how, I was able to just rely on the trust I have that T always has my best interests at heart, and just do the thing he suggested. It's like a fallback and is especially great to have during really intense times in one's life.

[Perna]

Whatever it is for you to feel vulnerable/genuine. There are lots of things we learned to keep to ourselves as children because the significant adults in our lives didn't help us with them and/or we felt bad in certain situations. What we "learned' was that we weren't (at that time) able to cope with the thought, feeling, situation so we stuffed it. Now, we're not with those people who couldn't help us or who hurt us before but we learned our lesson too well and are still stuffing.

My T likened me to a child at a picnic with her and I wouldn't eat the food while she was watching, instead I'd sneak it when she wasn't :-) I was like a black hole absorbing what she said and gave to me but not giving or even reflecting anything back.

The best way I know to learn to trust is to recognize when you feel frightened and then to work aloud, with T on that.

I trust my t. I am able to tell him anything without too much inner struggle or fear. He listens. He is always respectful. He is always honest. To me, that's trust.

If I didn't trust my t, I would hold back. I would fear speaking the truth to him. I would doubt his caring for my well-being.

I don't really know that much about trusting, but it seems like today, finally, after over two years seeing her, I was able to let my T know that she matters to me. I was finally able to trust her with that piece of me. And I also talked about something I never talk about, and felt it as I did so. So it seems there is no rushing trust...and she herself acknowledged exactly that today, that this is about building a relationship, however much time it takes. I am once more reminded of how much I appreciate and depend upon her infinite patience with me.
I encourage you to be patient with yourself as well Solarwind My way of getting to this place has been to just keep showing up and doing the best I could week after week after week....

so it seems that everyone is equating trust with the ability to share yourself (talking, feelings, etc) with T or not believing T has alternative motives.

does that sound right?

what if you don't trust anyone...where do you learn to trust T?

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Solarwind

what if you don't trust anyone...where do you learn to trust T?

got my hand up for this one, that's me all right.

A beloved friend (whom I do trust) once said, "I have been told that I don't trust people. I trust people; I trust them to be what they show themselves to be, every day, day in and day out."

I can't argue with him.
I know what T has shown herself to be for me in the last 2.5 years, in spite of considerable resistance, negative transference, huge therapy ignorance and even more hugely corrosive core beliefs.
Even today I can't say that my trust doesn't fluctuate - that's why I am in therapy and I know I'm not done yet - but I am trying hard to keep it in view. She's pretty impressive.

I have learned, since i started that one has to be allow oneself to be vulnerable, in order to love. Try it, Solarwind?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Solarwind

What does this mean? Trust what?

Is it individual -- for example I might need to trust that my T won't hit me whereas someone else might need to trust that their T won't dump them?
Or is it a "bigger" thing?

Why does my T say I don't trust her? I don't even know what that means?

What are some signs that you trust or don't trust your T?

How do you know when you trust your T?

Why does it matter?... so you tell them stuff?

for me in general the word trust means I have developed a relationship with the person, I believe the person would never do or say anything to harm me and I trust they always have my best interest at heart. and I feel that I can say anything and talk about anything with that person. putting that in to my therapy relationship means I have built up a client therapist relationship, I believe my therapist has by best interest at heart, she wouldnt say or do anything that would harm me and I feel I can talk about anything with her.

[rainbow8]

I think trust is:

when you can tell your T anything
when you know your T is not going to hurt you
when you can be who you REALLY are with your T
when you know your T will "catch you" if you fall
when you know your T is only interested in helping you
when you feel your T is "safe"

If you've never trusted anyone before, I think trust develops when you test it out. You see how your T responds to you and how he or she acts with you. It takes time.

I've developed trust in my new T rather quickly from the way she acts with me and what she has said to me. She feels "safe." I didn't feel that way when I saw my first T years ago. I take more risks now, meaning I say things that I'm not so comfortable with and see how my T responds. We each have to build trust according to our own timetable.

[googley]

Trust is such an elusive concept.
I hardly trust anyone, so for me it is really hard to trust my T. But I have worked on it over time. I have had multiple Ts and with each T it has been easier to trust.

I test out being able to trust people by telling them little things. Then if they are trustworthy with those little things I tell them slightly bigger things. And the cycle repeats itself. Over time I begin to be able to tell them things that I would not have been able to trust them with at the beginning.

Trust is important because without it T would not work. For example if I didn't trust my T I wouldn't be able to tell her my fears and bad experiences. If I didn't tell her those things I wouldn't be able to work on them to make them not haunt me. It is that I trust her not to hurt me with the things I tell her that I can continue working with her.

Hope this helps.

[WePow]

Trust for me is on a scale - 0-99 NO ONE gets a 100 in my universe...not even me!
From there I can kinda forgive what I think T may mess up. He stays about a 95. Right now I got him knocked down to about a 40 but that is higher than most everyone I know. Even my very best friend is only about a 60. I hate being not able to trust as much as I want, but at least if I keep it from being all or nothing "yes" or "no" ... well my scale lets me function. The more I trust T, the more open I am with what I share or how exposed I will allow myself to be in session. When the trust is lower, I am guarded and keep certain things inside my shell until that trust is higher.