Hi

I just got home from the beach yesterday and am trying to get a little caught up with PC. It's slow going!

I saw T today - I haven't seen him since last Tuesday, and I won't see him again for two weeks because he is going on vacation. We scheduled a 90 minute session, since there is going to be such a long break.

It turned into a REALLY hard session. We started out talking about the letter I want(ed) to send to the minister from when I was a teen, and somehow one thing led to another, and we ended up talking about the SA when I was really little, and how it is SO hard for me to allow myself to believe that it's not my fault. I was filled with this overwhelming anger that made me want to throw things, or run away, or SOMETHING. It felt horrible. T helped me feel where the anger was in my body, etc...but anger is really, really, really scary and hard for me. It finally got SO loud in my head that we had to stop. I couldn't get grounded/make the noise in my head go away, so I told T we needed to do something different. He asked if I wanted to draw (no), and then if I wanted to sit on the floor. So we sat on the floor and it helped.

While we were down there I reached out for his hand, and he asked me if I was going to be able to feel that connection during the long break. I told him that I thought maybe I could. He asked if I could not create a rupture, and I told him I think so. He said that when there is connection, people care about each other, and think of each other, and take up space in each other's lives, even when they're not together. He said that is the kind of relationship and connection that we have. I want so badly to be able to hang on to that.

So. Now I have a two week break, and then I'll have 2 sessions the week T comes back. Sigh. Therapy is so hard sometimes.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by treehouse

...........He said that when there is connection, people care about each other, and think of each other, and take up space in each other's lives, even when they're not together. ..........

Dear Tree,
you squeeze my tears out.
A 90 minute session sounds like heaven. Or - the other place!
No worries dear ... by the time your sunburn is gone, T will be there again.
SAWE

PS - Welcome back did you bring us a sand dollar? or driftwood?

[googley]

(((((((Tree)))))

Missed you while you were gone. You take up space in my life. I'm glad you were able to connect with T before he leaves for vacation. I'm sorry your session was so hard. But I am glad you are back.

[WePow]

((((((((((((( tree )))))))))))) thank you tons for sharing that!!! wow. You have such a wonderful connection with your T. That is so awesome.

[mightaswelllive]

Originally Posted by treehouse

He said that when there is connection, people care about each other, and think of each other, and take up space in each other's lives, even when they're not together. He said that is the kind of relationship and connection that we have.

That's so nice. He's right tree. He really is. Since I moved and no longer see my old T, I've really found this to be true and it's a very comfortable, safe feeling.

He's telling you how much he cares about you and I know that you can hold on to that.

[zooropa]

((((tree))))
Remember those words, and the feel of his hand, the feeling in your heart when he said that. You can hold onto that during these next couple of weeks. That connection is there, even when you don't see him.

[peaches100]

Tree,

Hard sessions really take it out of you, huh? They do me too. I think it was so kind and caring of your t to want to ensure that you can hang onto your connection with him while he's gone. The way he words things also shows how much he cares about you!

[BlackCanary]

Originally Posted by treehouse

.... He said that when there is connection, people care about each other, and think of each other, and take up space in each other's lives, even when they're not together. He said that is the kind of relationship and connection that we have. ...

wow, that is amazing. My T would NEVER say anything like that, he'd probably even say it's more appropriate that he does not care specifically and does not think of clients outside of sessions, except when writing notes before or after. He's incredibly detached and neutral.

I think I'm ready for a T who is more like yours you are very lucky

Originally Posted by BlackCanary

he'd probably even say it's more appropriate that he does not care specifically and does not think of clients outside of sessions, except when writing notes before or after.

I think that T thinks of me when he sees something that reminds him of me...but other than that, I know he is very very involved in his life outside of the office. It does feel good to know I don't just "disappear" when we're not together.

I do know that he honestly cares about me. That feels good. I really AM lucky - I literally just picked him off of a website that listed therapists. He is awesome.

[BlackCanary]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I think that T thinks of me when he sees something that reminds him of me...

Ah, right - "This would make a good story for Tree!"