[jexa]

How do know when it's time to quit therapy? I'd really appreciate everyone's thoughts on this, especially the ones who know my story already.

Lately I've been thinking I could REALLY use the money I spend on T to actually do things with my life.. that focusing so much on my problems has contributed to my problems, that being so obsessed with my own psyche keeps me "up here" in my head. Therapy makes me obsess. And maybe it's time for other forms of self improvement, like things that are fun and connect me with people. Like going camping with friends or taking road trips or doing exciting things. I'm 23; I should be having fun!!

I can't afford to do much for fun because I spend $200/mo on T. And now that I am starting to be more social, I have more of a need for money. I am making real connections and I think I've made a few true friends, which is awesome since I was so isolated before. My social anxiety is 100% better than it's EVER been!! Thing is, I don't have many good clothes for clubs/going out (I can't believe I had so much fun in a CLUB last week, and want to go again!!), I don't have any fun makeup or anything, I don't have money to go to fun shows, I don't have gas money to see my friend in Tallahassee.. and I look at the $200/mo for T, and think.. I could have a lot more fun if I wasn't in therapy.

I had a major setback last week. And then I dealt with it very well. It was not so hard to use my skills, and reach out to friends if I couldn't stop obsessing. I have anxiety still for sure, but what else can I learn from T? No one will be able to take this anxiety away.

Maybe I could try to be my own T for a while?

[Perna]

Yes, only you (and T) can decide when is a good time for you to terminate. I would discuss it with your T.

I was a little struck by how you think money/T is keeping you from having fun and connecting with other people and how you seem to be placing having fun at the top of your list of things you want to do with your life?

But only you can decide if you want to buy therapy or fun makeup; that's a very personal decision.

Whatever you decide though, I'm sure it will be right for you!

[venusss]

I am not sure what to tell you.

As for clubbing... it can be VERY therapeutic at times. Sometimes you worry way too much over insignificant things... than you go and unwind... and the situation does not seem so dire. The problems are still there, sure, but sometimes you are more able to solve them with clean head.

I am not sure what advice should I give to you... it seems you have a life at the moment and you enjoy it and you do deserve this... but I cannot tell the whole situation.

I guess that therapy does not always have to be number one priority... especially when you have your own coping mechanism and support network of friends.

[Fartraveler]

And also, quitting is not a yes-or-no choice. Maybe you could go less, see how you do, and take it from there. Maybe you could take a break for a month or so, and see how that goes.

Lots of options here.

Take care,
-Far

Take care,
-Far

[jexa]

Originally Posted by Perna

I was a little struck by how you think money/T is keeping you from having fun and connecting with other people and how you seem to be placing having fun at the top of your list of things you want to do with your life?

Oh, no, I just already have other things settled in my life -- I have my BA, applying to grad school in clinical psych this year, practically guaranteed entrance due to GRE score/GPA/extensive experience. I've published two academic papers this year and I work at a rewarding job in my field. These are still my priorities. It's just, I don't have much fun. It's the thing that's lacking the most in my life; I'm all work and no play. But play can be so expensive! How do I get more play without any money? I feel like my life in general is going in the right direction, except that I need to spend more time with friends having fun.

Yes I have anxiety issues and random bouts of OCD.. but I just don't think therapy is going to make that go away. I can deal with it. It doesn't control me like it used to.. so why am I in T?

[venusss]

Originally Posted by jexa

Oh, no, I just already have other things settled in my life -- I have my BA, applying to grad school in clinical psych this year, practically guaranteed entrance due to GRE score/GPA/extensive experience. I've published two academic papers this year and I work at a rewarding job in my field. These are still my priorities. It's just, I don't have much fun. It's the thing that's lacking the most in my life; I'm all work and no play. But play can be so expensive! How do I get more play without any money? I feel like my life in general is going in the right direction, except that I need to spend more time with friends having fun.

Yes I have anxiety issues and random bouts of OCD.. but I just don't think therapy is going to make that go away. I can deal with it. It doesn't control me like it used to.. so why am I in T?

There is absolutelly nothing wrong with wanting to play. Somebody once said that people need to have hobbies to fill the tedious time between birth and death And it doesn't have to be nothing intellectual or useful.

You seem to be doing a lot and you deserve a break now and than and you deserve some fun.

It's up to you. If you are sure your coping mechanisms are good... maybe it's time to live your life for yourself. You can always go back to therapy.

[jexa]

Originally Posted by Fartraveler

And also, quitting is not a yes-or-no choice. Maybe you could go less, see how you do, and take it from there. Maybe you could take a break for a month or so, and see how that goes.

Lots of options here.

Take care,
-Far

That's a good point, Far.

Part of this is, my T is leaving for all of July. So I'm already having to take a month break. And I'm not so sure I want to continue after that.

[Perna]

I would talk about termination and maybe set a date for mid-August? I'd like to see what July felt like and then continue with termination if it went well but I personally would freak with having to terminate with only a couple weeks now and then knowing that T would be away. I'd want the back of my mind to know that I'd see her when she came back while I'm coping with the whole month of her gone :-) But that's just me.

(((((((((((((jexa))))))))))))

I can SO relate to the "my T is going to be gone for so long I think I'll just quit" feeling. Last summer, I REALLY considered quitting therapy because there were so many long spans of time when he wasn't there, and I felt like if I could just adjust to never seeing him, it would be easier, and I would have more time/money.

That was a year ago, and we've done so much really important and healing work during this past year. I'm glad I didn't quit when it felt like it would be "easy".

Having said that, I also believe that if you honestly feel like you are in a good place, and just need a break to have some fun for a while, it is absolutely fine to stop therapy for now. My T said that a lot of his clients take breaks and then come back when they are ready for therapy again. To me, that sounds like a good middle place - taking a break, knowing that T is there if/when I need to see him again.

I'm glad that you're having fun!!!! Fun is GOOD

[darkrunner]

Hi Jexa,
It's great to hear that you're doing so well!

I like the idea of waiting to decide until after the break in July.
And if you do end up quitting for a while, it doesn't have to be forever.

I'd be interested to hear what your T says about it.

[BlueMoon6]

Jexa! You sound great. Im so glad you are socializing more and want to get out do other things. I had the same thought as Far, why not discuss it with T and take a break if that is what you feel is right. The summer might be a good time to take that break and do fun things with that extra cash.

WOW!

(...and its not like you cant go back if you need to end your therapy break....)

[mixedup_emotions]

I like the idea of cutting back on therapy to longer spans in between sessions and testing that first before terminating....I do find that there is value in keeping some kind of connection/relationship while you are exploring the option of terminating.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do! I'm so glad that you're doing so well!

[WePow]

Jexa, it sounds like you have a solid feel for where you are going with your own healing. I think that is awesome. I also think that since you are going to be working in this field that it may be of benifit to you to maybe take a break for while and then if you need to, find a different T. My T said he "tried out" over 20 different Ts! He has had mentors and Ts for his personal stuff. It is always about learning and growing.

[googley]

Jexa-
It is definitely your decision to continue or not with your T. I would just ask you about these three things:
1. Could this be a reaction to the fact that your T is going to be gone for July? A feeling of I'll leave you before you leave me?
2. In that you are just starting a new relationship is this something you want to do on your own? You were just last week having obsessions about the new man in your life. It seems to be a big change in your life right now that you seemed to be wanting support from your T with.
3. Another topic you seem to be just getting into is your abuse. Could it be that you are trying to run away from this topic? It seems like you were just getting into it and probably have a lot more processing to do along with the new relationship and intimacy issues. It is a scary one and I could totally understand if this was the situation.

Only you can know the answers to these questions. I just wanted to bring them up as they seem to be things you are dealing with in T right now.

I totally understand wanting to have more time and money, is there some way you could work it out where you go maybe three instead of four times a month so you have a little extra money but still support from T? I want what is best for you.

[sunrise]

Hi jexa, I think it is great you are having fun with friends and not so anxious to be social anymore. Was the main reason you went to therapy because of anxiety? And now you have that under control? I think a lot of people go to therapy with a specific goal in mind, and when they accomplish it, they are done, and have no reason to remain in therapy anymore. Does that describe your situation? You've accomplished what you want to in therapy?

As others have said, you can always go back later, perhaps to work on other issues that come up or new stresses in your life. How often do you go to therapy? If you go weekly, it may be a big shock to quit suddenly. As others have suggested, tapering off might be helpful. When I went from weekly to once every 2-3 weeks, it was really hard. I felt like I had withdrawal and our infrequent sessions seemed to inadequate. Now I am used to it and we've made some accommodations that help.

BTW, you can also have fun without doing expensive things like going to clubs and buying fun make-up. You can go for walks in the park or hikes in the country/forest, or play tennis at the public tennis courts, or grow vegetables in containers on your deck. You can read and have potluck dinners with your friends instead of going to restaurants. You can play charades or practice your stand-up comic routine with your best buddy. There's a lot of fun stuff that doesn't cost a lot.

Jexa, I too am getting ready to start school (to become a PNP), and someday I will have clients of my own. I have found that as starting school became a reality instead of a dream, my motivation in therapy changed somewhat. Instead of going to therapy just for my own healing, I wanted to work through certain things so that someday I would do a better job with clients, so my own "stuff" wouldn't rear its inconvenient head and perhaps hamper my ability to help. So I now have, at least in part, a new motivation. And it is helping me deal with some hard stuff, that before, when it was just for me, I was shying away from.

Anyway, that's a different perspective. I think if you have dealt with what brought you to therapy and are doing well and want to quit, then go for it. You can try to keep an open door with your T, so if you do want to come back, you can. Good luck!

[BlackCanary]

Originally Posted by jexa

How do know when it's time to quit therapy?....

Lately I've been thinking I could REALLY use the money I spend on T to actually do things with my life.. ....

Maybe I could try to be my own T for a while?

With my T, he doesn't really do "quit"; he says "You can come back again in the future if you need to". Yes, it feels like he's avoiding the goodbye!!

Still, while you won't be your own T you will be taking care of yourself using what you know. This is a GREAT feeling, isn't it? When you think of how you'd have dealt with it in the past, and then you just handle it now?

And, it's completely appropriate to evaluate: Is this how I want to spend my money and my time?
For me, it's the time - I have to either miss work (use vacation time) or miss family time. I do a personal check-in every other month or so, make sure it's still worth it to trade those things for therapy time. Right now, it seems less worth it to miss work and too often the only appt I can get is for 930 AM or 3 PM. My work is great right now, important to me.

Definitely do a pro-con list or something like that to figure out your current priorities.

One technique I've used to test my readiness to quit is to schedule a break - next appt is 3-4 wk out. I've tried twice; both times I wanted to return at 2 wk. Your July break will be a good test - you will have the spending money and the time to do with as you wish.

Plus, let me suggest {start good parent} that you SAVE a bit of the money that you don't spend on therapy, vs. spending it all on fun Ha, ha, I remember being 23, that's not so likely !! But if you don't have a personal monthly budget, you may want to do that now that you are out of school. {end parental guidance}

[Sannah]

Jexa, all I could "hear" on this thread was the very loud sound of your feet running so fast away from your issues.

Therapy can decrease and get rid of your anxiety. This is how I got rid of mine.

[peaches100]

Jexa,

It sounds like you're progressing really well, so maybe it's time to take a short break from therapy and just see how things go?

[jexa]

OH. MY. GOD. I just wrote a HUGE LONG REPLY to EVERYONE on this thread and I LOST it! So mad..

I really want to reply to each and every one of you again but here's the basic rundown:

- I think I'm going to ask T to taper off this month, have all of July off, and then schedule as needed after that. But it will have to wait for a talk with T, which will be on Friday. I haven't decided what to do for sure - we'll just have to see.

- I really, really don't think I'm running from my issues. Honestly, I'm NOT the type to do that - I'm a very self-reflective person and T has been impressed with my insight and complete willingness to look myself in the "mirror" so to speak. I just think I'm capable of taking it from here, since I'm doing so much better, and I am so short on cash. I don't think I'm scared to talk about abuse. I just don't think it's necessarily helpful, and it's not my T's approach to rehash the past unless it's coming up consciously in the present, and although some may disagree with that, I agree with her. T and I agreed that telling my story once was probably good enough for me. And I've already done that.

- I do have fun in my life that is not expensive (farmer's markets, herb garden, video games). It's just hard to have fun with friends without spending money. Even gas is so expensive and lots of my friends live kinda far. I want to spend more time doing social things but I can't really afford it! And since I'm doing pretty well right now, going to T has become kind of a luxury.

- It might PARTIALLY have something to do with the new relationship. I'm very symbolic and subtle in relationships, using lots of subtext. I really like it that way. Talking so plainly with T about it, reminds me of this poem:

Originally Posted by e.e. cummings

one's not half two. It's two are halves of one:
which halves reintegrating,shall occur
no death and any quantity;but than
all numerable mosts the actual more

minds ignorant of stern miraculous
this every truth-beware of heartless them
(given the scalpel,they dissect a kiss;
or,sold the reason,they undream a dream)

one is the song which fiends and angels sing:
all murdering lies by mortals told make two.
Let liars wilt,repaying life they're loaned;
we(by a gift called dying born)must grow

deep in dark least ourselves remembering
love only rides his year.
All lose,whole find

So that's my basic rundown. Any more thoughts? I really want to think this through!! Thanks SO much to each and every one of you for your thoughtful replies! I wish I hadn't lost my last post - it was better than this one!