[bachir]

i'm suppose to meet with my t in the morning. we haven't met for three weeks now. (this was my doing) we had a rupture if you will. i wrote a detailed letter telling her of what i felt had happened and how i had felt as a result of it. i gave this letter to her last friday. she is a very good t. i've been seeing her for 5 yrs now. this is the first time we've encountered a situation such as this. we've had our differences from time to time. i certainly don't expect it to be roses which is fine. i just hope we can work this out. i hope that she is willing to.

i guess you could just say i'm a bit nervous about talking to her tomorrow. i would put this off longer, but it is time to get this settled if i'm going to continue in therapy with her. i'm pretty sure she'll try to help me understand, but at the same time maybe she's reached her end with me. idk

i just got my results back from neuro psych testing that i just recently had done, and i believe that she could find these findings particularly helpful and give her a little insight on how to help me best. then again it's just so hard to say. the findings were as follows:
1) slow and inefficient processing speed
2) memory/learning problems
3) ongoing emotional distress that includes depression and anxiety related symptoms
4) intelligence was considered normal (this one was a shocker )
i'm not sure if my t is aware or has concluded herself that i have the slow processing speed. i know this has always just been a part of my life. i personally never realized it to be a great prob till now. i'm not sure that she's aware of my learning prob either. she is aware of the memory and emotional stuff for sure.

anyways, i hate to ask, but i could really use some encouragement and support going into this session first thing in the morning. i'm so nervous, yet somehow i can't help but think we'll work it out.

thanks for listening

[zooropa]

I would be nervous, too. I think it's great that you gave her the letter with your thoughts and feelings about the situation. I'm sure that she will work through it with you. You've been seeing her for 5 years, that's a long time to build a relationship. If she wasn't a good T, you'd know it. If is IS a good T, she will work through this with you.

[bachir]

Thanks zoopora. I really do hope she will try to work this out. I know some of the other clients there consider her to be the best one there. Id hate to loose that. Thanks again

[bachir]

Im suppose to meet with t in just two hrs now. My confidence level is at 0 just b/c im struggling terribly w/ how im feeling atm. Im clearly confused and feel like i am unable to make heads or tails of anything right now. When im like this i tend to just remain silent. After all if im not sure of anything then why speak up? I struggle immensely with trying to share verbally cuz it never comes out like i would really like it to which causes conflict generally and i dont want that. Im feeling strongly inclined to just cancel and reschedule this appt b/c of this as there doesnt need to be anymore turmoil added to this particular situation. I know already that its just one of those times when words will be just so hard to come by. When i cant speak up my t im sure assumes that i just dont want to. Most of the time she tells me lets just end the session at that point. Sometimes she doesnt. Havent been able to determine what prompts either reaction from her during these times either. I just am not sure what to do.

[zooropa]

somewhere, can you write something and then either give it to her or read it out loud yourself? I know a lot of people here have trouble talking in session at times (me included!) so just know you're not alone.

[bachir]

I just dont have enough time to write something atm believe me i wish i did. Oh how i wish i did! I write so much better than when i share verbally but then again when i write i have more time in front of me thus more time to process why this is. This has always been a prob for me. Its how its always been. Ive just dealt with it on my own. Only as of late am i seeing it as truly a prob. It really affects so many other areas of my life as well not solely t. Thanks for listening zoo.