[irishandproud]

Hi all. Have been loitering for some time but never posted here. I do get a lot of help reading your posts.

I wanted to ask a question about bereavement and therapy. I've been in therapy for just over 18 months and have been making great strides around CSA. However my Mom passed on suddenly in the last couple of weeks which has been a huge shock to us all. My therapist called and is encouraging me to return to therapy next week but I'm incredibly fearful of this. I feel like I'm just about holding it together and am afraid I'll just fall apart if I go talk to her.

Have any of you guys been in a similar situation? Do you take a break from therapy when you have a bereavement or is it helpful to talk it through with your therapist?

[CantExplain]

Hi Irish!

I think therapy can help during bereavement. But then, I needed help with the grieving process and perhaps you don't.

[Wren_]

hi Irish, welcome to PC

My thoughts are with you regarding your moms passing, and the shock you've had

I haven't lost anyone close in the time I've been with my current T so I can't speak about therapy in relation to what you asked.

I have had many times though ... when I've had those feelings of thinking that I wanted to stay away from my therapist because i thought I would come completely undone if I talked to him. My experience so far has been that each time I've felt that way and had a session anyway it has ended up being what I really needed (even though it has been hard work), and has been a comfort and encouragement. I hope if you do go, you will find the same

[feralkittymom]

Hi Irish,

I'm sorry for your loss.

I really think it would be helpful to return to T. I suspect your T will want to largely put aside the trauma work in favor of more supportive therapy while you are grieving. They really can help with this, and it can be a great relief to be able to discharge feelings that you may not want to, or be able to, share with your family at this time. Give it a chance.

[pbutton]

I am very sorry for your loss.

[growlithing]

I typically find that the more I don't want to talk about something, the more I absolutely need to in order to get better. Not all of the time, but if there is something that is so emotionally painful that I desperately don't want to talk about it to anyone, that is the thing I need to bring up. Your T is trained to work with you through your feelings and it's okay to lose composure now and again. It's not healthy to stay locked up inside.

I'm so sorry for your loss

I am so very sorry for you loss. My dad died while I was going through therapy and it was incredibly helpful to have my T's support and an opportunity to talk to him. Perhaps try a session and see how it goes.

[Perna]

My stepmother died when I was in therapy and I received my stepsister's call that she had died literally the moment before I was leaving the house to go to a therapy appointment.

I had enormous difficulty driving to the therapy location but luckily it was a make-up session and on Saturday morning so the usual traffic was not there. To get to the location I had to drive through my entire "childhood", past 4-5 exits on the highways that hit me with memories. My difficulty driving was I was often crying so hard it was difficult to see.

By the time I got to my appointment I was sort of numb. We talked some about my stepmother's death but we also continued and talked about my life right then, in real time, and it was very helpful, it reminded me of who and where I was and reoriented me from my grief back to myself and also put the whole in better size/perspective so the grief was not all I could see.

[Yobeth]

Hi Irish, sorry for your loss. My Dad died this pass December. I took 6 weeks off from T but during some of that time was Christmas And New Year holidays when my T had off. However, my concern not seeing her right away is because I did not want to cry in front of her. I would feel embarrassed. But when I finally did go back to see her, she helped me. I was almost in a full-blown episode of depression. Probably waited too long to see her. So my advice for you, go see her as soon as you can.

[critterlady]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing your mom is so hard.

When my mom died last year, I don't think I could have gotten through the first few months without my T. I cried through many, many sessions, but he helped me keep from falling apart. He helped me figure out how to grieve and how to care for myself during grief.

Your grief is so fresh and raw right now. Your T will help you get through it.

[BonnieJean]

Hi Irish,
Welcome to PC. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.
I've lost both parents but long before I started in therapy. I think it would have been very helpful at those times to have met with my t.

I lost my sister two years ago. Continuing regularly with therapy after her death was hugely helpful.

[sunrise]

Irish, welcome. I am sorry for the loss of your mother. When my father passed away, therapy was very helpful with grieving. I increased my frequency of therapy during this difficult time. Without therapy, I'm not sure I would have been able to grieve since I tend to stuff my emotions. Therapy helped me feel the grief and get through that hard time with someone to hear and welcome my sorrow.

[Favorite Jeans]

I&P I'm so sorry. That's terrible. Are you afraid you'll fall apart on front of your T or that going to T will leave you unhinged for ages and ages?
When my mom died I had days of totally falling apart and others which were pretty normal and many that were just all over the map. I think that's just how it is. You fall apart when something like that happens. If you work too hard to avoid the grief it'll come back to you in other ways. (eg within a week of our mom's death my brother started this intense relationship with a really awful person to avoid the pain of grieving her fully. He called me once and said "I cried about it, I feel like I've totally just let the whole thing go. I'm so relieved." But he's still stuck with awful person every day.)
There's no freaking way around it. But it isn't forever. And it's better to go through it than to avoid it. (Of course you're entitled to avoid it a little... it's good to distract yourself sometimes!)
I think it's unlikely that going to T will leave you worse off in the long or medium term. If you normally find therapy to be helpful, and you normally find your therapist to be a comforting presence I'll bet that it will feel better to go. Tell your T what you're afraid of. You don't have to talk about everything that's intense and scary just now. It's okay to just go and be sad, or go and complain about things or go and let your T talk.

[irishandproud]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. It's been very helpful to get a perspective. I've decided to bite the bullet and see T next week. We'll see how it goes - I'll take it at my pace. If I feel it's too soon - I can always take a break going forward. Thanks again for your kind and helpful words.

[with or without you]

I remember going to therapy two days after I lost my dad. It helped.