[DoggyBonz]

There are these therapists that come into our lives and they are the "one" that gets us, that finally diagonosis what is going on and crawls into that small space that no one has ever been allowed. The child in us trusts for the first time and we are comforted and empowered.

Well that person lost her license due to a bad decision with a very powerful man that she only saw 3 times professionally. I have been trying to handle all this on my own.

The board decided that she could no longer see patients and I have been feeling so out of place, suicidal and confused. She was the person the told me I had a form of dissociative disorder and that IFS therapy would work and with her it was finally taking a positive turn.

She tried to help me find people - but she wanted them to be top tier and we did not find someone together. So now I need to continue on.

Today was our last session, I can never speak to her again - if I run into her at the gym I can say "hi" but never again even is she got her license back.

I have been beyond distraught, hurting in places I did not know existed and feeling completely alone.

I had never met anyone like her and don't know if I ever will.

Please share how you got through a termination that was not your fault, or a therapist moving or leaving suddenly. This all happened in 4 weeks and she needed to seperate from me so I only saw her a few times. I don't know how to get through this and would appreciate any advice.

I had to choose my last words to her so I wrote them down. I hope others will relate and share how they got through a sudden termination that they had nothing to do with.

So here is the note - "last words" that I left her with.

Mary,
How do I find the words to say "goodbye" when I don't even remember saying "hello". Last night you told me, about a patient that came in, moved her cahir to the corner and talked about a rope and actions I wanted to take. I don't remember her but I trust that she is in the room right now.

You have been nothing less than extraordinary, patient, knowledgeable, kind, professional, caring, nurturing, positive, amazing and the list never stop along the positive path.

I stayed when I did not know that was what I was supposed to do, I talked when I did not even realize what I was saying, and I let you in when I did not even know there was a door to open.

You made that happen, you gave me a chair, the voice and found the key.

I quite but you stayed and unconditionally took me back every time b/c unlike anyone else you cared.

So how do I find a way to thank you for that?

The Dali Lama thinks it's about enlightenment, but personally I think it's about coming back as a loved dog b/c w/o knowing it you're changing the the lives of those around you; just by taking them out on a walk, showing them laughter, and being there.

You have been that kind of saftey for me. That non-threatening, unconditional, wise and comforting person "dog" that allowed me to just be. I think you know coming from that is a huge compliment.

I don't know where your life takes you from here but I remember what you once told me: "you are that good" and that will take you any where you want to go b/c you are and more. It's not what you do that defines the impact your life has, it's who you are living that life. And you could not be shining any brighter.

You matter so much and I hope that your "parts" will never let you question that.

Thank you is not enough but there are no words that are.



Thanks

[Nupoet64]

That is a lovely "good-bye". I feel for you on the sudden change in your life. I have lost two therapists due to sudden events. In 22 years I have had more therapists than I can remember, but only three that actully help me heal. Two of wich had to retire. One, due to back injury and the other due to a major depressive episode that landed her in a crisis center. It was quite devistating. But, do not give up hope. Continue to look for another. Be selective, now you have a decent standard to reflect upon, just do not expect the next person to be her.
Dealing with a loss is tough. Grief can make you feel hopeless, but it will pass. Stay focused and remember what you have learned. Healing continues.

[granite1]

[WePow]

Wow. I am so sorry for your pain. That final note will stay in her heart.

DoggyBonz,

I am so sorry to hear about your termination. What a wonderful gift you gave your T in the heartfelt letter you wrote. I was terminated suddenly by my first therapist and was devastated. For the first few months I lived moment to moment, over time I improved.

Perhaps, you shouldn't try and handle it "on your own." Maybe talking with someone, another T possibly, might help you. I am still a work in progress.

T's are human and they do make mistakes. I am sorry it affected you.

Be kind to yourself, healing takes time.

[Jewels]

(((((((((( DoggyBonz ))))))))))

I, too, had a T leave me extremely suddenly. One day I was in her office yet she said nothing to me about a pending shift in where she was headed. The next thing I knew she was gone, in less than a week. We were working well together, and was on the verge of letting her start getting to know us...I was crushed. The good ones that seem to just slip away always leave tears on the heart. Because with them you felt safe, cared for, and greatly appreciated. No tears seemed to be enough, and to this day I have not talked with anyone about her leaving. The only one that really knows is my psychiatrist, and I hate spending only the half hour I have with her talking about the fact that my T left so suddenly. I have a case manager now, a T, and my pdoc. All three are wholly dedicated to see me stable and doing well. My T today tells me that I will always dissociate, because that is my defense mechanism. I believe him, because he has never lied to me or led me astray in anything I have ever asked him. The letter you wrote was touching. I wish that I could have sent a letter like that to my T. Perhaps she would know the impact she had in my life had I told her even after she left. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful letter. I pray you heart is soothed, knowing you touched her heart with it.

[MortalCoil]

Not another one!? I continue finding that so many of us share a similar experience to this.

DoggyBonz,,,

Your writing here pierces through me because I feel so close to the pain. My school therapist left my college this May at the conclusion of probably the most grueling semester of my student life. In the past two months plus, I've cried many times just thinking about this loss. I do believe it's okay to have times like this and my guess is that you will too. Set aside some time for this if you need to - if you like to write, get out what you feel on paper and then literally shred or burn it away.

In the end, I think the best possible outcome is to endeavor to be the person that you were working towards in therapy - your T cares about your life and wants you to succeed! It *may* be a long time until you'll be ready for this but I know that it does help to nurture the seeds that your T has given you, so to speak. As an example, my own T changed my perspective on my great fear of public speaking. Since my T has left, I've managed to get through two presentations that I would have otherwise butchered before meeting her. These moments filled me up and made me feel close again to her teachings, knowing that our time together has changed the path of my life in some way!

You can begin in small steps. I would suggest that a new therapist might help you. He/ she will not be the same but that doesn't mean they can't help you heal.

Your note to her is as eloquent and complete as I hope mine will be. I've been wanting to write my therapist for awhile but haven't had the energy to write something that does us any justice.

Thanks for your post - I can even relate to many of the details you've expressed. I hope you start to feel better soon.

+Jeff

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Jewels

My T today tells me that I will always dissociate...

Always? That's a long time...

[rainbow8]

((((((DoggyBonz))))))))

Your good-bye note is simply beautiful. I'm very sorry that you have to leave your T. I see that she does IFS. I too am seeing an IFS therapist and she is the most compassionate, accepting T I've ever seen. I don't know if all IFS Ts are like that, but have you searched for another one who also practices it? I know you said your T wanted someone "top tier" for you. That's so caring of her to want that for you, but you never really know until you actually talk to and meet with the prospective T. I hope you find someone soon.

I terminated with a T by choice once, but I really didn't want to. Long story. I was devastated and I cried and cried. You need to allow yourself to grieve just like grieving any other loss of someone whom you were close with.

[BlackCanary]

I just went through a short termination, as my T took a full time job at a hospital. Our termination sessions generally lacked emotion because I did not want to fall apart. So, now I am falling apart and it's quite sucky.

A new T is working with me, but like yours, my exT was not able to make the arrangement to "hand me off" to the new person that he thought would be best. So I had to pick a random person from a list. She's perfectly nice, and having the place to go and talk still helps me feel like I'm taking care of myself.

The grief is intense. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

[splitimage]

I've had 2 bad termination experiences, both with psychiatrists. In the first case, my psychiatrist shouldn't have been working - she was sick and it was undiagnosed, but she refused to admit it, and just let her practice fall appart - she basically called in 12 months worth of refils on my meds and I never got to see her. I saw her one last time to tell her I'd arranged on my own, with my T's help to see a new pdoc. It's hard because she now works at my psych hospital, and every time I see her it brings up feelings of neglect. the second pdoc I saw was wonderful and we really connected, but she got accused of professional misconduct - she was always super professional with me - & was suspended suddenly by the hospital, then the hospital was lousy about arranging coverage for her. This went on for about 4 months, then they finally announced she was leaving CAMH and that we were being refered back to our family Dr's to find new pdoc's. No closure, nothing. I complained loudly, that the hospital couldn't legally just drop patients, they had a duty to refer. This led to the most funny list of completely innappropriate referals I've ever seen. The best one was a LBGT counselling centre - I didn't qualify because a(a) I'm straight and (b) I was outside their cachement area. Anyway I complained some more and eventually got assigned to a pdoc in the hospital. He's super competent at meds management but doesn't handle therapy at all well, and isn't used ot managing patients in crisis. He doesn't have many long term patients -for all I know I may be his only one, he normally just consults on meds for family dr's who are then expected to handle on-going care, and is primarily a researcher. I did find out where my old pdoc eventually landed, and I wrote her a letter, thanking her for all she'd done for me, and telling her of my frustration with how CAMH handled the referal process. I got a letter back basically saying that she hadn't been allowed to talk to patients under the terms of her departure from the hospital, and that she had consulted with the hospital on which pdoc's might be good fits for each patient. Obviously in my case her recommendations were ignored. But I'm dealing with the new pdoc, and since I need it, he at least was able to get me an IP date fast.

--splitimage

[DoggyBonz]

Originally Posted by lost in termination

DoggyBonz,

I am so sorry to hear about your termination. What a wonderful gift you gave your T in the heartfelt letter you wrote. I was terminated suddenly by my first therapist and was devastated. For the first few months I lived moment to moment, over time I improved. Thank you for saying that - I can relate. I feel like the world has ended and I don't know what I did to cause it.

Perhaps, you shouldn't try and handle it "on your own." Maybe talking with someone, another T possibly, might help you. I am still a work in progress.
I was looking for someone and before she lost her license she was helping me but people that work with even mild forms of disociative disorders and IFS are hard to find. Right now on the East Coast everyone is on vacation so I'm hoping day by day I make it to September and then I can find someone. The problem being that no one will ever compare or be as good as she was.

T's are human and they do make mistakes. I am sorry it affected you.

Be kind to yourself, healing takes time.

Thank you!!!

[DoggyBonz]

Thank you to everyone that has responded. It's good to know that I am not alone and yet a bit scary to know that also. Good therapists are hard to find and they come into our lives often at least in my case when I was not even looking. I orginally thought I was just going to see her for 10-12 EMDR sessions and I ended up staying.

Thank you for letting me know about grief. I have had a hard time with this and yet it's there BIG TIME. Remembering what she taught me is hard, b/c selfishly I want her back and doing some of the things makes me remember her and that just sets the cycle going.

I think I need to find someone else and realize they are not going to be like her but the connection is what is important and I also need to remember as she told me that when we met the connection was not there. It took time and patience but she was super human and I liked that about her. She made mistakes in front of me, showed me that she was not organized and oddly works out at the same gym I do so I know that she has to work at things as I do.

This is the part that no therapist prepares us for and she really never thought it would come to this. A part of me wants to go to the person that caused this but as I have been told he is too powerful and won't listen and let him know the damage he caused.

Thank you again - I hope this is helping other people realize they are not alone. Until I posted I certainly felt that way.