lost and found

Last night, I couldn't sleep because I felt so bad about losing T's thing. It's soooo small, maybe 1/2 inch cube, and it just felt hopeless.

I got up at 5:30 and went straight out to my van to look under the seats, etc. It wasn't there, and I don't know why it would be. I NEVER take it out of my purse. When I went running an hour later, i checked again. Not there.

I left for my appt at 8:30 and was kind of dreading going. I didn't know if I should tell T I lost it, or wait to see if it would show up.

But when I walked out to my car to leave, there it was, on the ground next to the driver's door. I couldn't BELIEVE it. I picked it up and brought it with me to T. It just felt like Grace.

I told T the story, and he felt bad that I was soooo worried. I told him that I was secretly hoping that i could keep it at the end of therapy, and that was why I didn't want to give it back. He said I could

He was kind of blown away by the story, because of the symbolism of the item itself. It really was kind of weird, and cool.

Anyhow, it was a hugely vulnerable, intimate, connected session. It really just felt RIGHT. A lot of my doubts about whether or not to continue therapy (do I still "need" it now that the story has been told) were answered over the last couple of days. Which is a huge relief.

T told me at the end of session that I make him a better therapist

Whew.

That is SO amazing, tree. I knew you'd find it, and your T wouldn't be angry that you "lost" it. I'm glad you feel good with T again, and are more secure about the state of therapy you're in now.

That sounds so great, tree. You have such a wonderful connection.

So do you still need it then?

god. What a relief, tree!

well, not all THAT unbelievable, Tree...... you see it's like this......

All of today's riders found it in your pocket, and pushed it out where you could see it.

awww i'm so glad you found it tree and awsome that you get to keep it

Glad you found it Tree! What did you find out about yourself with needing therapy? If you are ready to discuss. - (if you answered this in another thread my apologies). Something that's been going in my mind recently.

At the end of session Tuesday, I said something very vulnerable. I really just needed to feel quiet and safe and cared for. T said something in return that was JUST exactly what I didn't need. We exchanged a bunch of phone messages and sorted it out, but that moment made me realize that I still need to go and feel cared for and heard and seen. I need that quiet place once a week to regroup and reflect and connect. I've given up all of my bad coping methods, I've learned to contain things mostly on my own, I can get through flashbacks, I've told my story,etc....but I still need someone supportive in the background, and T is that person right now.

This is really the first time in my life that someone has taken care of me, and I still need it. I feel so safe with and so connected to T, and I feel really lucky. So, therapy continues

(((((((((((( Tree ))))))))))) I am SOOOO glad you found it! And that you found the meaning much deeper and was able to make a connection with T through it all.

I'm so happy for you treehouse . I'm looking forward to progressing to the level you are at in therapy. Thank you so much for sharing. It helps give me a clearer picture of what it means to 'get better' and what that support is supposed to feel like.

Awww, thanks for saying that, geez

When I first found PC, I had only been in therapy a couple of months, and I was just a mess. I couldn't allow myself to trust T, and when I did, the trust would go away just as quickly. I was using SO many bad coping skills. I was dissociated a ton of the time. The world felt so unsafe.

I would come to PC and read posts from people who were much farther along in therapy, and it was so hard to imagine that I would ever get to that point. It helped (a LOT) to read the posts, because it helped me see that it really can get better...but I was never sure it would happen for ME.

But here I am, on the other side. I can't believe T and I made it here, but we did. I'm still healing and learning, but life is so different than it was.

You'll get here too, geez

What a great story. So glad you found T again.

Dear Treehouse, I hope that you give yourself credit for that and realise just how much you are contributing to a very healthy and close T relationship. I am convinced that now you do that in real life too: make others enjoy your stories and your personality, and make them better people. In any case, this is what you are doing here on PC. Embrace that force in you and know what you have got! And that's why you can never lose your T's little gift again, because you have found that gift in you.