[zooropa]

My T told me that it's vital that I learn to self-soothe. She has said this to me before, probably lots of times, but this time I really see it. T said "there's nobody that can walk around with you and soothe you" and I know it's true. I don't WANT to be dependent on anyone to soothe me, either.

So now I'm really thinking about this, and wondering what YOU do to calm yourself? This whole arena of feeling emotions and not pushing them away or running and hiding from them is all new to me. I think in some ways I'm like a baby, an infant, that way.

Here's what I've done today to self-soothe:

-laid in the dark and counted my breath backwards from 100. Lost count at 58, though, damn ADD

-took the dog for a walk. I haven't taken her out for DAYS because I was feeling so rotten. It was a very, very VERY short walk, but the fresh air felt good.

-knit

-talked about my feelings and thoughts here

-called a friend, only she didn't pick up

-called my T, not sure if helped, a little bit maybe

[mixedup_emotions]

Hmm. Good question. I'm not very good with self-soothing either. I tend to ruminate quite a bit and get myself all worked up over things.

So, using today as an example for me.....

- I reached out to my PC friends...

- I like the idea of a nice warm bath, with candles lit and soft music...But I don't see that working for me. It gives me too much opportunity to ruminate some more.

- I was contemplating checking with my massage therapist to see if I could get a head/neck massage....but that's at T's office, and I didn't want to go there. Also, I didn't feel like dropping that kind of money to end up not being able to stay with the physical sensations, because I have serious touch issues. I really would like to LIKE the massage, ya know?

- Read a book...but I don't really do much reading of books...and I can't get myself to concentrate on it anyway...so...

- Laying on my bed with a back massager, an herbal neck wrap and an herbal eye mask....but again, gives me too much room to ruminate.

- Reach out to a friend by phone or visit someone. But, I really have no interest in doing that when I'm feeling this way.

So, there's lots of examples of and only one ....

OK, so this self-soothing stuff doesn't quite work for me, I see....

Hopefully others will have some ideas that might spark some interest for both of us!

[granite1]

i take a very hot shower when i sometimes feel like life is overwelming it tends to really ground me i dont know why and may not work for everyone but sometimes i need to take 2 or3 showers a day but it helps

i also do a lot of scrapbooking,cards and crafts.if im in a bad place and cant deal with people talking to me or just in general i will close myself up in my craft room and just work on crafts and listen to music.

and it seems lately i have returned to some not to cool methods to calm me

[zooropa]

thanks for saying that about the hot bath thing. I'm the same way! People, my T even, often suggest that to me as a soothing activity, but I don't find it soothing at ALL. I need something to keep my brain busy or I will ruminate myself right into the ground. Also taking a bath makes me think about SI, even if I wasn't thinking about it before.
(edit to add: showers on the other hand ARE soothing for me and more active than lying in a pool of dirty water, lol)

I forgot to say music. That's a HUGE one for me. I usually listen to music for at least a little while every day, even if I'm just at home hanging around. But I have to DO something like clean or knit while I listen.

Ruminating is a huge problem for me, too. I'm realizing that as I try to figure out what is soothing to me. Something that will distract my brain from the spirals it's making.

[darkrunner]

wow - I've been sitting here forever trying to think of something I do, and I can't think of anything! That's so bad.

Great topic Zooropa, I'll be interested to hear other's responses.

And I have to say that I am impressed with the list of things you did today. I think it's great that you are trying things. Maybe just the effort and desire to try to self-soothe is a way to take care of yourself.

[googley]

For self soothing I like to (not necessarily in order):

-take a hot shower.
-sit with my stuffed animal.
-watch tv (gives me something else to focus on)
-read a book
-practice deep breathing
-call friends to talk about something
-sing
-write
-listen to music really loud
-work-out

And sometimes I do more than one of these at a time.

There is a list at the top of the SI board of things that people have put together to do instead of SIing and a lot of those are self-soothing techniques so there is a long list there.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=10310

Just know that not all of them are self-soothing techniques.

[zooropa]

Maybe just the effort and desire to try to self-soothe is a way to take care of yourself.

wow, I think you might be right! Thanks for that insight!!

There is a list at the top of the SI board of things that people have put together to do instead of SIing and a lot of those are self-soothing techniques so there is a long list there

thanks for that, googley. I hope it's ok to make our own list here. I have read that one before and it has some great ideas, but some that I don't like so much or aren't very soothing, as you said. I just thought it'd be fun to see if anyone here has any other ideas.

[skeksi]

I like to:

--draw repetitive patterns (like http://www.zentangle.com/ )
--cry, cry, cry and tell myself mentally it's okay, I'll be okay
--scrub my feet and give myself a pedicure
--garden
--listen to classical music
--watch familiar movies
--buy and build new pieces of furniture (!)

[zooropa]

that zentangles thing looks awesome, thanks for that skeksi!

i mostly have bad ways of soothing myself, so i am glad you started this zoo.


the only good ways i know:
eat junk food -- i highly recommend oreo stixs and gummi anything followed by ice cream
play with my dogs
take a nap

Sour Patch Watermelons are the best thing in this whole world! My blood sugar level says I might need a new way to self-soothe...but I totally agree in general, Solarwind.

[googley]

((((Zoo))))

I wasn't trying to say that you shouldn't have a list here. I think a list here would be great. I just knew that there was a list there with ideas that I would not come up with (as they are ones that don't work for me or I have not tried) and wanted to make sure that you had as many ideas as possible. As different things work for different people. So I wasn't trying to be critical, just make sure you had all the resources available of those of us here at PC.

I hope I did not offend or hurt you, because that was as far from my intention as possible. I just want you to be safe and thought that might help. Take care.



ps- I like putting gummy things in ice cream because it makes them harder to chew (they become really hard and chewy) and hence take longer. Gummy bears work really well for this.

[sunrise]

--I like to work online algebra problems
--I just took an Anatomy class and found I liked to photocopy drawings from the book and color them in with colored pencils

The zentangles thing looks awesome!

[zooropa]

Originally Posted by googley

((((Zoo))))

I wasn't trying to say that you shouldn't have a list here. I think a list here would be great. I just knew that there was a list there with ideas that I would not come up with (as they are ones that don't work for me or I have not tried) and wanted to make sure that you had as many ideas as possible. As different things work for different people. So I wasn't trying to be critical, just make sure you had all the resources available of those of us here at PC.

I hope I did not offend or hurt you, because that was as far from my intention as possible. I just want you to be safe and thought that might help. Take care.



ps- I like putting gummy things in ice cream because it makes them harder to chew (they become really hard and chewy) and hence take longer. Gummy bears work really well for this.

oh googley
No, sweetie. You didn't hurt my feelings. I just hoped I wasn't breaking one of the rules of PC by starting this discussion here. Sometimes you never know...

[BlueMoon6]

I really liked the zentangles thing. I love to draw patterns and use watercolor. But when I am feeling awful I have to really force myself to do those things.

Im not so good at self-soothing either. I find yoga stretches to be very grounding. But my house is so busy and at times noisy that I cant find a quiet moment to meditate or do yoga uninterrupted. Then I feel irritated.

Sometimes I just lie on my bed on my stomach squished down into pillows and blankets. I feel better lying on my stomach for some reason even tho I generally dont sleep on my stomach. I will feel better/distracted from my own head when I feel the breeze coming in from the window even if I cant bring myself to go outside.

I like my therapist to soothe me too... When that's not a possibility...

- Take a very hot bath/shower
- Take a nap
- Fiddle around on facebook/chat rooms/PC
- Reading books
- Getting in snuggly pajamas and watching tv
- Listen to music
- Write poetry
- Splurge and get ice cream
- Drawing/Coloring

what a great thread idea zoo.

hmm...i find it hard to self-soothe but i sometimes
-take a nap
-eat something sweet like ice cream
-hang out on PC/facebook/etc
-watch movies
-play with my dog who is super affectionate & playful (he can cheer anyone up!)
-pray
-journal
-listen to music

[Melbadaze]

This varys for me. I heard something said on TV last week that really clicked in my brain, somethign about don't look for peace in the world around you, but look for it inside. Perhaps I've heard that massage a thousand times, but this time, I "got it", I could take myself away from the maddness of society and felt this calmness within. Perhaps its the internalisation of T's calmness that I tapped into. Growing up I was never seen, I had to take care of my mothers emotional life, I never got to know me. I think when we get to know ourselfs, then thats when the soothing really takes off.

[elliemay]

Great thread!

I do melt and pour soap - I love the smells and bubbles.
I doodle, but none of my stuff looks as good as the zentangles stuff!
I walk/play with my dog and other pets.
I dye my hair
I make top ten lists
Retail therapy at the dollar store (easy on the pocketbook)

When it's a very acute and powerful stressor

I count backwards from 1000 by 7's
I lift weights (gives me a sense of power)
I clean

Sometimes nothing works though and I'm learning how to just sit with the feelings

[SpottedOwl]

All great suggestions and a great thread.

Just one to add:

Gratitudes
Sometimes when life gets overwhelming, I find that all I can think about is the pain. So, sit down with a piece of paper and write out at least 3 things you are grateful for.

Maybe you have full mobility, so you're grateful for being able to walk.
Grateful for the support of PC
Grateful for the beautiful sky
Grateful for having food in the kitchen
Grateful for the love of a pet
Grateful for comfy pajamas
...

It can be big or small. The point is to shift the focus on to what you DO have instead of what you feel is missing.

If this exercise speaks to you, it can be made even more powerful by keeping a journal and writing down gratitudes every day before you go to sleep. Then you will end up with a book full of blessings in your life that you can read through any time.

[Sannah]

I'm thinking that your inner child needs to be included if you really want successful self soothing..........

[zooropa]

Originally Posted by Sannah

I'm thinking that your inner child needs to be included if you really want successful self soothing..........

can you talk more about that, Sannah?

[zooropa]

so, I went this parade today. 3 of my kids were in it, so I was watching for them but was alone in the huge crowd of people (well, I had my dog with me). Anyway, it was a beautiful day and I sat there and felt the sun on my face and felt soothed by that. Gradually, though, I got more and more wound up inside. I have a lot of social anxiety and just being out there with all those people, it was uncomfortable. Then there some floats that went by that were REALLY loud (firing blanks) and it just got to be too much for me.

But I've been thinking of this self-soothing thing so much, I decided to try it. I went back to the basic mindfulness skill of observe. I started looking for everything pink I could see around me, and counting them. Then I did it for all the other colors, too. Then I counted dogs, then seagulls. I counted my breath for a while. And you know, I think it worked. It DID work. I still felt kind of shaken up, but I didn't feel like I had to run away or start crying or basically freaking out.

[mixedup_emotions]

That's great, zoo!!! I'm glad you were able to apply a technique and that it worked for you!!!

[BlueMoon6]

I love that, Zoo. That you stayed at the parade and found something to do that was so grounding. What a good idea to count colors. I sometimes do that with my kids when they get real squirrely in the car, ask them to count all the red cars or blue cars....

You sound a bit better.....how are you feeling?