[roseblossom]

My therapist related to me that she does not have any friends that call her and says that she prefers it that way - to call them when she would like to chat. She disclosed it when I talked about my mother's withdrawal and lack of communication.

I grew up with emotional neglect and emotional abuse and I'm just concerned that I may not be picking up on what is healthy in a therapist or therapy generally.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Idk. Why does it make it unhealthy? She still has friends. She still socializes. She just has strong boundaries.

My grandma-in-law has a friend who refuses to go out to dinner with people and shuts off her phone at 6pm. The reason she does that is she goes to sleep that early, and she also wakes up really early.

I don't allow anyone over unless they give me warning. If they show up, I'll ignore them. And I don't answer my phone most the time. So if someone wants to talk to me, they call my fiance. It's not unhealthy for me to do those things. Those are simply my boundaries.

[roseblossom]

I didn't really think of it as being a boundary issue as such - I was concerned that as a person she might not have healthy friendships.

My parent's didn't have good boundaries and it's something that I know I need to work on.

I would be bothered that (from what you shared) she identified with a trait of your mother's that was part of an abusive background. I'd want to clear that up with her one way or another. If it's transference, that's one thing, but if she doesn't see a problem with how your mother behaved, that's a really big issue.

[SnakeCharmer]

Your therapist -- therapists, in general -- spend the entire day talking to people.

To go home and then have your friends call and want to chat, especially before the T has a chance to wind down and relax, would probably not be the most healthy way to form good relationships.

She may have worked this out with her friends in a way that's mutually beneficial to their friendships.

It's not just therapists. I know people who work all day talking to many different people and they really dislike to chat socially unless they initiate it. We usually ask each other via email if talking or meeting is convenient, when and where. It works out nicely because they wait to chat until they feel emotionally refreshed and vital so we have fun together.

[roseblossom]

lickety-split and Snakecharmer - thanks for your replies

It hasn't been just that one thing that's concerned me because a previous time, I told her that I hadn't been 'there' for my son and that I was really concerned for him, and she said 'rubbish' - she said that he had been cared for by his dad (I had mental illness throughout his childhood) and by me when I had been well.

I appreciate what you have both said, which has given me different viewpoints to consider. Perhaps she has worked with her friends what suits her best, but I'm still unsure of her responses.

I think I really need to go back and check out whether she does see my mother's behaviour as emotional neglect, and also question her about her reply to me mentioning my own concern about having passed on neglect to my son.

[geis]

I have a friend who is a therapist--to be clear, she's not my therapist, and I was friends with her before she became a therapist. She says lots of not-very-close friends and friendly acquaintances think that, because she's a therapist, they can basically dump all their issues on her for free during her off hours. It's very frustrating for her. So I could understand a therapist setting that boundary with her friends.

(I actually got my friend a sign for Christmas a few years ago that says, "I'm A therapist, not YOUR therapist.")

[~Christina]

My T has been very open about the fact he really isnt big on having lots of friends. He puts so much into his clients that he just isn't all that interested in "hanging out" with people, Mind you he's in his 60's and has been this way since he started his career.

He laughs that his wife has called him many times a month that when she leaves work letting him know shes going to go hang out with her friends for dinner etc... He said she will never get a phon call like that from him. lol I don't find it odd or strange.