[cocoa58]

My T says I have a problem with hypervigilance. I have had this and I accept it - part of my PTSD I struggle with.

But sometimes I have a problem with something he says - but I can't put it into words ("what" I have a problem with) right there and then.

He will even ask me when I leave "does everything feel ok to you now?" Its really good he does this - but often, something "is" eating at me - but I can't identify it or put it into words until later.

He does allow me to email him, but I try to avoid it. He doesn't reply too much although will a little. Usually he just encourages me to come the next appt and talk about it - which is ok. I think he is doing his job correctly, actually.

This time though what he said sounded to me like disrespect - and so I don't feel comfortable even emailing him. I thought about talking to him about it - but I've had troubles with therapists being frustrated at me before - so I don't think I will.

The more I agonize, stress on this between sessions - the worse it gets.

Anybody else have this problem or feel like this? ( Anxiety is an issue for me too).

[skeksi]

I do have struggles like this, too, and it's definitely rooted in my PTSD. One thing that has helped is recognizing that I don't necessarily have to put words to everything. So when T asks if something feels wrong, I can nod, even if I can't say more. A lot of times, now I can express what I'm feeling in a very childish shorthand--"I don't feel right," "This feels wrong now," etc. Baby steps.

Emailing can definitely be hard. Can you try talking to your T about how sometimes things go wrong in session? Perhaps by talking around the issue, you might find a way out of it.

[elliemay]

Yes. I'm hypervigilant myself and suffer a time delay for emotion. I may not even know I'm upset for several hours, or even days later. Until then, it's just a generalized discomfort, that can easily reach a fevered pitch. Over time I have learned to give my therapist the benefit of the doubt, although I'm still not perfect at that by any means. Also, i'm working on reducing that time delay.

The key is shutting your brain off, either by distraction, visual imagery etc... Stopping that repetitive and escalating stress. That is really hard to do for me. I usually end up drugging it out with a low dose of klonopin. I'm not advocating that, but it is a very effective way to stop the upwards spiral.

However, sometimes I have to relieve the tension in other ways as well. I write. Free form at first, then usually the trigger begins to emerge out of the clay. I drop these writings off at my therapists office - especially if they are about him. It's like I can "leave it there" and go on with the week.

If it appears to be an acute event outside of therapy, I will call to let him know what's going on with me.

But again, the key is figuring out methods to stop that escalation, ground yourself back in your life and feel safe and well enough to go on.

Soooo easy to say, but soooo hard to accomplish.

[WikidPissah]

yea, I get the same way. I hate the question at the end of T, "are you feeling ok?"...ugh, well if I'm not it doesn't matter because my time is up. I can't ever seem to put a finger on what's wrong or what feels wrong....

What did you feel was disrespectful? Was it him pointing out the hyper-vigilance? I have had T's get frustrated with me too...mostly because I can't communicate, or because I hop around between subjects never really focusing on anything. But possibly this T isn't frustrated with you, and really wants to know what your feeling.

[geez]

Hi Cocoa - I too hate the time between appts. If feels like it takes a couple of days for me to process all that happend/was discussed in an appt and whamo! - an emotion pops up and hits me between the eyes. - It's like my emotions are on a time delay. I find it very frustrating as when I'm in the presence of T I feel like I have a loss for words and my feelings aren't on the surface - I find myself saying 'I don't know' a million times during a session (it feels like that anyways).

Right now I'm 'sitting' with something that my T said at my last session and I'm going to talk to her about. She hit a nerve of sorts

When I 'sit with it' I get anxious about talking to T about it and I have to work up the courage to bring it up (when I do I usualy down play my emotions as I'm afraid of conflict). I do try to write out a short statement on a piece of paper and I bring it with me. That does help sometimes.

Wishing you peace of mind and hope you can find more words at your next appt. If you need a pocket rider I'll be there!

[WePow]

Yes, I hate time between apts too. I like how I feel when I am with my T. I feel sane and heard. I feel safe. And yes, it takes a lot to get the courage to talk with T about the "real" emotions which result within the context of therapy.

Can you maybe draw or paint a picture of how you FEEL right now - no words. Just the colors and shapes of the emotions?

[sunrise]

Like others who've posted, I also experience a time delay on knowing what I am feeling, or at least I used to. I have been in therapy for 3 and a half years and have improved a lot in this regard. When I first began, I would not feel things for days, weeks, or even months later. It is amazing how we can inadvertantly "train" ourselves to stuff things away so quickly that we don't even have a chance to feel them. Now I am much better at feeling things in real time, or at least without such a long delay--usually within the same day. It takes time to improve at this, and being attentive to what is going on inside oneself, but it is really worth it. What is great is that if we don't stuff feelings away, we can not only feel the hard stuff like sadness, anger, fear, etc., but we get to feel good feelings too, right as they happen! It's great to be able to feel joy, happiness, and all the rest.

Originally Posted by cocoa58

The more I agonize, stress on this between sessions - the worse it gets.

I try not to stress about it, so then it doesn't get bad. I don't call my T between sessions, so there is nothing I can do about it until my next session, so I try my best not to get too caught up in it. I find that writing in my journal really helps me process what has happened and how I feel about it. If I catch myself thinking counterproductively to excess about something, I may try distraction. Do you have a way to distract yourself that works well for you? (I like to work algebra problems online .)

Originally Posted by cocoa58

This time though what he said sounded to me like disrespect - and so I don't feel comfortable even emailing him.

I agree email is not the best for this discussion. I think talking in session will get your question answered, and your T will have a chance to explain better what he meant.

Originally Posted by cocoa58

I thought about talking to him about it - but I've had troubles with therapists being frustrated at me before - so I don't think I will.

How do you resolve these things, if you don't talk about them? Has this T been frustrated with you before or is it just former Ts? If you think that is a pattern you are worried will repeat itself, you could talk to your T about it. You could tell him you thought other Ts were frustrated with you in the past and ask him if he knows why that might be. If you've only just begun to see him, that might be a hard discussion to have! But yet, it could be so helpful.... Now that I know my T really well, he sometimes tells me things about how I interact with people (based on how I interact with him) and how people might interpret that. That is so helpful to me because I can find out feelings I may be provoking in other people, and they may not be what I want to engender at all! So I can learn to present myself in a different way so as to communicate better who I am and my intent. That is a great value of having a T--it would be really hard to have such a frank and non-judgmental discussion with a friend.

Good luck, cocoa58.

[Symbiosis]

Right now, this very moment, I'm having this problem!!

It isn't the same thing as you are describing though. He had to cancel our appointment last week and there is just too much to talk about now in 50 minutes. I could try to get into an available slot tomorrow (if there is such a thing) but I don't want to seem so needy.

Meanwhile, I'm totally convinced he told his wife (the Big Boss at my company) that I'm a patient. Have no idea if I'm paranoid or just need some reassuring or I'm RIGHT.

Anyway, it is frustrating doing the wait-out.