[zooropa]

so, I called my T yesterday and she didn't call me back until this afternoon. It was a long wait, and I had a lot of thoughts during that time, about me and my T and what it meant that she didn't call me.

When she did call me today I thanked her for calling and told her that I wasn't sure why she hadn't called me back, that I thought maybe she was trying to teach me a lesson, but I don't know what the lesson was.

She said, "I want you to hear what I'm about to say. If I want to teach you something I will use my words. I promise, I'll use my words. "

it was Just....very much a lightbulb moment for me. You mean, people can do that? just...be that up front, that honest, that transparent? T doesn't have some secret agenda, isn't trying to manipulate me into being or doing what she wants?

Amazing.

[SenatorPenguin8081]

Originally Posted by zooropa

so, I called my T yesterday and she didn't call me back until this afternoon. It was a long wait, and I had a lot of thoughts during that time, about me and my T and what it meant that she didn't call me.

When she did call me today I thanked her for calling and told her that I wasn't sure why she hadn't called me back, that I thought maybe she was trying to teach me a lesson, but I don't know what the lesson was.

She said, "I want you to hear what I'm about to say. If I want to teach you something I will use my words. I promise, I'll use my words. "

it was Just....very much a lightbulb moment for me. You mean, people can do that? just...be that up front, that honest, that transparent? T doesn't have some secret agenda, isn't trying to manipulate me into being or doing what she wants?

Amazing.

((zoo))
Yeah, some people REALLY do use words to communicate things. Hard to get used to when you come from a family where that doesn't happen isn't it?

I don't think she's manipulating you at all. She sounds rather upfront. I can't imagine what the secret agenda could possibly be, I think that's part of how you were traumatized in the past.

I have a standing rule with my T for him to be direct and never manipulate me. He doesn't mess around and I'd be really pissed if he did.

[googley]

((((((((((Zoo))))))))))))

[mixedup_emotions]

((( zoo )))

Wow, that's a really difficult concept for me to grasp.

[eskielover]

It is interesting how when we grow up around certain things, we end up projecting it on things throughout our life even when that's not what it is. Sad because those assumptions we make when they aren't try only end up hurting us when before they protected us from being hurt because we expected the bad thing to happen anyway.

I am glad your T told you that & got it out in the open that she will communicate everything she wants you to know with her words....that way there is no room for wrong assumptions to get in the way.

Sounds like a wonderful T you have. I am sure she was busy when you made your call & just didn't have the time to return it until the next day.......think the lesson she did teach was a good one.....not everyone manipulates other people with their actions & it's good to be able to know that & learn to distinguish those who do & those who don't...they are the ones you can trust.

Sounds like you have a wonderful caring T

[zooropa]

It really does go back to childhood for me, and the thing is, I didn't even know it. I didn't know...I just expect people to be doing that to me. I think, too, there is the fact that my T is "re-parenting" me in a lot of ways, and so I tend to expect her to behave towards and treat me like my mom did.

I can definitely see a lot of progress in myself in this area. Not too long ago I wouldn't have been aware that I was thinking T was trying to teach me a lesson, much less be brave and secure enough to TELL her that's what I was thinking. But, in telling her what I had been thinking, I gave her the opportunity to show me a whole new way of looking at the world and the way people interact in it.

This will make me a better mother and a better friend and a better ME.

[eskielover]

What a wonderful thing to be thankful for.....what wonderful progress & what a giant leap you have made with this.

glad you can see the many ways of applying it....sounds like your T has been doing some really wonderful work with you.

[sugahorse1]

It must feel so soothing to know ecaxtly where you stand and fro there to be no hidden agenda's. No hurtful lessons - just straight forward assistance and support.

((HUGS))

[darkrunner]

Thanks for sharing this, Zooropa.

I agree with everything the others said.
What also struck me is how wonderful your T is, that instead of providing a reassurance and move on, she knows you well enough to be identify it as a teaching moment, and she knows what to say to reach you. It speaks volumes of the relationship you have with her.

Hugs to you and your T!

[Sannah]

Very good Zoo and yes, this happened because of what you did! (You spoke out!)........

This is one of the big differences between healthy and unhealthy people.

Originally Posted by zooropa

You mean, people can do that? just...be that up front, that honest, that transparent? T doesn't have some secret agenda, isn't trying to manipulate me into being or doing what she wants?

Amazing.

(((((((((((zoo))))))))))))

I think when I FINALLY really understood and believed that T would use words and be honest instead of use hints and be manipulative, is when I finally let myself really, really trust him. It is such a gift to be with someone who can teach us what it feels like to be safe, to not have to read between the lines, to be able to just relax into what's there without wondering when the other shoe will drop.

Thank you (and your T) so much for this awesome reminder.

[WePow]

Oh yes! It is very wonderful to see that there are people in the world who can be honest and not manipulative or passive-agressive.