[Ygrec23]

What does it feel like when you and your T agree that you are "re-feeling," "bringing back to life," or "going through" the really bad feelings you had when you were tiny and your life started to deteriorate? How do you and your T know it's true? Is it just a possibility or are you convinced? If so, how? And, again, what is it like? What are the feelings? Can you put words to them or not? Take care!

[madisgram]

the first thought i had is if that's the way you remember it, then it is true/truth to you. it doesn't matter really if the memory is flawed. it's how your little self felt at the time and your recall. i've found that the first thought is usually the correct thought and try not to second guess myself. by experiencing these feelings again with your T you can learn healthy ways to deal with the emotions that you feel regarding the memory. i find it helps me grow even tho it's painful or uncomfortable reliving it while working on it. i think you have a good T and it sounds also like you are actively engrossed in your therapy. good things will result for you because of this. we can't change the past but we can have influence over the now and the future. i call it, "getting the sack off my back". it's a heavy load til we dump it.
yes you can put words to describe your feelings. there again they're your words and no one can determine other than you your feelings or what you call them.
hope this helps and that i responded correctly to your questions.

[geez]

Ygrec I hope what I say makes sense and I understand your question correctly...

My T tells me when I am 'living in the past' (for lack of a better phrase) as the emotions I'm feeling in that moment have no ties to the reality of the present. My emotions or beliefs are tied to past experiences and sometimes I'm living as if I'm in the past.

I guess for the first time in my life I feel like I'm 'growing up' by feeling these past emotions that have been stuffed for 37yrs and I'm working on changing my 'reality' to what it really is today. I hope that makes sense

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by geez

I guess for the first time in my life I feel like I'm 'growing up' by feeling these past emotions that have been stuffed for 37yrs and I'm working on changing my 'reality' to what it really is today. I hope that makes sense

geez, I know I'm grown up, there's no question about that. But these "past emotions" are so bad and so overwhelming I can't even conceive of any future being better and I just want to not be here. You know what I mean. Just getting from day to day is a HUGE project; on some days feeling entirely impossible. But I've promised people I care for that I'll still be here, so I can't not. So I drink and pass out because there's no other way. How long does this take?

[rainbow8]

Would it help to realize that only part of you is feeling all of those infantile feelings, but other parts of you are strong enough to be an adult and cope with life? I'm just starting to FEEL and not intellectualize very bad feelings from the past and it doesn't feel good at all. My T's favorite quote is "the only way out is through" so you have to trust that you WILL get past this.

What does your T say? Does she know about your drinking as a way to avoid or distract from the feelings?

When I have had compulsions to be with a T, I have no words. It feels preverbal, and all I feel is pain. Is that what you feel? I don't mean for your T, but is that what you're talking about?

Hang in there, ygrec! I know you'll get through this phase. It means therapy is working.

[geez]

Originally Posted by Ygrec23

geez, I know I'm grown up, there's no question about that. But these "past emotions" are so bad and so overwhelming I can't even conceive of any future being better and I just want to not be here. You know what I mean. Just getting from day to day is a HUGE project; on some days feeling entirely impossible. But I've promised people I care for that I'll still be here, so I can't not. So I drink and pass out because there's no other way. How long does this take?

(((( Ygrec )))) I have been in the midst of emotions that feel like they are overwhelming. For me it's kind of like being knocked down by a wave and you feel like you are drowning and wonder if there is any air to be found. In time it does pass. Even though the moment feels like it will last forever it doesn't and you need to keep telling yourself that (that's what I do just my 2 cents worth). I too have people that I care for and will still be here for because I couldn't do that to them. Sending you many hugs of comfort .

There is a song I've been playing lately and I've found it to be a gentle reminder - U2 - Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of :

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm just starting to FEEL and not intellectualize very bad feelings from the past and it doesn't feel good at all.

Lord, you're right. It's the worst thing I've ever felt.

What does your T say? Does she know about your drinking as a way to avoid or distract from the feelings?

Haven't told her yet. I figure I can't stop or slow down or turn right or left, just go straight ahead. Don't want to discourage her.

When I have had compulsions to be with a T, I have no words. It feels preverbal, and all I feel is pain. Is that what you feel? I don't mean for your T, but is that what you're talking about?

Yes, that's what I feel. That's what I'm talking about. It's unbearable.

Hang in there, ygrec! I know you'll get through this phase. It means therapy is working.

Thanks. I'll prevail. Somehow. Take care.

[WikidPissah]

ugh...sounds horrid. My T has talked about heading in that direction, but I really don't think I could bear it. You are very brave for doing this! I hope others here can offer hope and encouragement, all I can do is say I wish you peace and well being and a light at the end of the tunnel.

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by Eileen2010

ugh...sounds horrid. My T has talked about heading in that direction, but I really don't think I could bear it. You are very brave for doing this! I hope others here can offer hope and encouragement, all I can do is say I wish you peace and well being and a light at the end of the tunnel.

Well, Eileen, it's like going to the dentist for a root canal. In urban mythology, that's always treated as the gold standard of common pain and discomfort. But if you actually have root canals done, it's just not at all as miserable as it's been painted. And I think it's similar to what may sometime, not always, happen in therapy. There will be some old feelings that felt really bad at the time you had them, way, way back, but that really aren't justified any more today. But to dissipate them you have to let them out, you have to feel them as you felt them when they were new (or so I'm told, I'm no professional here). Yes, it's kind of white water rafting in a canyon, but there is an end, and your baby self can finally be relieved of its burden of pain. So if you ever get the chance to do this (and if your T thinks you need to), suck in your gut and do it. It's a wild ride but like every rollercoaster it will soon be over. I'm sure that in retrospect it won't be that bad. Take care.