[suzzie]

my t appointment is taking forever. and is still 11 more days. was a month in total. coping is hard. i have to keep everything in my head and on hold. no one to talk to irl. i started to act out a bit from the wait. but maybe it will stop after the appointment. i cant email t right now. she is away. so just have to wait..wait...and wait some more. i dont know why it is so hard to wait. before starting t it was never an issue. so why is it now.

[sane1logic1]

Having marshalled the things we want to say we feel like we are on the point of saying them now not in 11 days time.

I read somewhere the right side of the brain doesn't register time, for it all things happen "now". The sort of things we want to go to T about have a strong right brain impact. The left brain can input perspective (which is not denial at all) through the corpus callosum, hopefully.

I haven't used a mind map at T yet but I think I shall when I do go.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by suzzie

my t appointment is taking forever. and is still 11 more days. was a month in total. coping is hard. i have to keep everything in my head and on hold. no one to talk to irl. i started to act out a bit from the wait. but maybe it will stop after the appointment. i cant email t right now. she is away. so just have to wait..wait...and wait some more. i dont know why it is so hard to wait. before starting t it was never an issue. so why is it now.

suzzie i dont have the answer to why it seems so hard to wait but i understand it is i was having huge laps inbetween sessions forever like 3 and 4 weeks foe what seemed like months and believe me i know it is hard to keep that connection.when i wait so long i even miss just sitting in her office.i would mark the days on my calender,write a lot in my journal,and try to do things to keep my mind off it

[sittingatwatersedge]

((((((((((( suzzie )))))))))))

it seems that yr T would have made some provisions for a backup or SOMETHING, a month is a very long time.

SL1 ... what's a "mind map" ?!

[geez]

(((Suzzie))) I'm sorry you are going through this right now. Perhaps at your next appt you can schedule ahead a couple of appt to hopefully avoid a big gap of time between appts? Hope that makes sense

If it helps perhaps a little bit of journaling? Or posting more on pc? Wishing you comfort and a quick passing of time.

[Sannah]

Suzzie, you have been doing a lot of work here at PC and considering that, I can understand why it is so hard to wait for your appt. I'm sorry that you have to wait. I hope that you don't have a gap in appts. like this again.

[suzzie]

Sannah, i like all your replies including this one. it just brought something to my awareness that i needed to know.

Originally Posted by Sannah

you have been doing a lot of work here at PC

i should never have done that ^^. people here on pc are so nice. but it was wrong. pc is not for that. i cant believe i dont know my limits for what is appropriate to post and what i should save for t. what is wrong with me. i feel like such an idiot. am i so immature that i cant wait to tell those things in t. or at least just keep them to myself. and not tell it all over pc. i feel like i used everyone here for my own needs. selfish and stupid i am. why did i not see what i was doing and stop. i was like a bus on a hill with no brakes. i think i should take a break from posting for a bit. until i have a better sense of what i should be posting. this i should already know. but dont. i never seem to cease to amaze myself at how stupid i can actually be. i was clearly wrong in this. i crossed the line of posting.

I hope that you don't have a gap in appts. like this again.

me too. but if i do i will make sure i wait to tell these things in t.

[Sannah]

Suzzie, this isn't what I meant at all! PC is a good suppliment for therapy. When you first came here you were stuck in therapy and I think that PC helped you to get unstuck and move forward. You did absolutely nothing wrong!

Do you have a default setting where everything that you do you automatically believe that it is wrong or inappropriate?

I was very happy at the progress that you have made here and I was thinking that it would open a door for you in therapy. PC does serve this purpose. I have processed many things here. It is very helpful.

I do hope that you continue to post here so that you can meet your needs. It is okay for you to meet your needs here.

[suzzie]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Do you have a default setting where everything that you do you automatically believe that it is wrong or inappropriate

funny you ask. growing up and even now my mom always thought i was wrong. didnt matter what happened. it was my fault. no one even had to say what happened. she would just come towards us yelling at me and explaining thousand different ways how i was wrong. and she didnt even know what happened - ever. it didnt matter. i was wrong and that was that.

i think ill take the break from posting. then not post so much anymore. still think i might have gone too far. gonna hang out in the games.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by suzzie

growing up and even now my mom always thought i was wrong. didnt matter what happened. it was my fault. no one even had to say what happened. she would just come towards us yelling at me and explaining thousand different ways how i was wrong. and she didnt even know what happened - ever. it didnt matter. i was wrong and that was that.

No wonder you have this default setting. I'm sorry that this happened to you. Just in case you are interested, you can work through this. Everytime that you find yourself thinking that you are wrong remember this ^ (where it came from) and challenge yourself to think that you just might be doing okay and that your mother was wrong.

I can understand that feeling of thinking that you have revealed too much. Take good care of yourself, okay? and I'll be seeing you around here.

[granite1]

just wanting to stop bye and ask how you are doing.i know the waiting is so hard. you doing ok

[suzzie]

thank you granite.

im doing ok most of the time. been posting on pc alot. and that has helped. trying to keep busy and not think about it. not long to go. just 9 more days. doesnt seem so far away now. but now i feel so disconnected. i think its going to be a step back when i do go.

[granite1]

its ok to do that it has been a long time,

Originally Posted by suzzie

i so immature that i cant wait to tell those things in t. or at least just keep them to myself. and not tell it all over pc. i feel like i used everyone here for my own needs. selfish and stupid i am.

(((((((((((suzzie)))))))))))

I think a lot of us use PC to help process thoughts, feelings, ideas, questions. I think that's WHY we have PC...to get help, and to give help.

I have literally told almost EVERYTHING here on PC before I've told it to my T. It's like I need to practice admitting it "out loud" before I can let myself walk in there and start to work with T on it. If I didn't have PC, I don't know where I would be in therapy right now....I think PC and the understanding people here are a big part of my healing.

SO. Be gentle with you. We're all here for the same reasons, and it's okay

[suzzie]

didnt make appointment.

[Sannah]

Suzzie, I read your other thread explaining what happened. Did you get scared to go to your appt.?

[SenatorPenguin8081]

Originally Posted by suzzie

my t appointment is taking forever. and is still 11 more days. was a month in total. coping is hard. i have to keep everything in my head and on hold. no one to talk to irl. i started to act out a bit from the wait. but maybe it will stop after the appointment. i cant email t right now. she is away. so just have to wait..wait...and wait some more. i dont know why it is so hard to wait. before starting t it was never an issue. so why is it now.

Hi Suzzie. What do you mean by "act out"?
Do you have anyone else to talk to other than your T?

[suzzie]

Sannah, probably did. i think i do try to push t away sometimes. maybe i was afraid of going this time. because i sent that email and she is probably going want to talk about it. there was alot of stuff it. shouldnt have said so much.

SP8081, just got t and pc. the other thing doesnt matter.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by suzzie

i think i do try to push t away sometimes. maybe i was afraid of going this time. because i sent that email and she is probably going want to talk about it. there was alot of stuff it. shouldnt have said so much.

Well this is understandable. Will you go to your next appt.?

[suzzie]

yes i would like to go. but i dont know what t thinks. i emailed about some possible days on friday morning. havent heard back. cant be good.

[Sannah]

Remember, when you don't want to go to therapy this is the time that you need to go the most...........

Please continue to keep us posted.

[suzzie]

really hard to do sometimes. i waited a long time for this appointment. and really wanted to go. and then didnt.

i am getting used to the idea of just continually waiting for an appointment tho. doesnt seem so hard anymore. guess ive just accepted that sometimes i have to find a way to deal with things on my own.

t did emailed back with a date for an appointment that works for me. but i havent replied yet. im hesitant to give an answer.

[Sannah]

Suzzie, therapy is very important and yes, frequently, many things are hard to face. I have certainly had my share of difficult things to face but I made myself face them and everytime I was very glad that I did.

[suzzie]

but what if you have no support irl. zero. can you still do this alone. i dont think t and pc are enough sometimes. but maybe im wrong. how important is it to have support outside of t.

[SenatorPenguin8081]

Originally Posted by suzzie

my t appointment is taking forever. and is still 11 more days. was a month in total. coping is hard. i have to keep everything in my head and on hold. no one to talk to irl. i started to act out a bit from the wait. but maybe it will stop after the appointment. i cant email t right now. she is away. so just have to wait..wait...and wait some more. i dont know why it is so hard to wait. before starting t it was never an issue. so why is it now.

((((((suzzie)))))))
I know what you mean. Not having anyone to relate to other than T is a real problem.

What do you mean by "acting out"?

I haven't been able to see my T for 6 months. I miss it because I feel like he "gets" me. I need someone who really gets me. I feel like I am complicated and maybe you are too. It does, get better over time. Can you call your T? I can always call my T if I need to... the only problem is I don't know what to say. You'll get through this. Just take one day at a time. When do you get to see your T again?