[gelfling]

i've been struggling with my current t who wants me in a dbt group, support group and back on meds to continue treatment with him -- he claims it is unethical/dangerous to proceed without these things. the first place that i went to was a disaster - i blew up and i pretty much torched the bridge then blew it up with 10 tons of dinomite....

so, had an intake today at a new place for a second attempt at getting into a dbt group - was really really really comfortable talking with this woman - surprisingly comfortable. she also seemed to connect with me and understand where i was coming from - even when i fell apart talking about the issue that brought me in.

she said she was going to call me back in 24 hours to discuss services and how to proceed. i also see her again in a little over a week. But considering the last place i went took over a month to get in contact with me then another 2 weeks for the intake then the orientation was 2 more weeks after that....it felt good to hear her say that they understand people coming in to them need services now - not in 2 months - so they try and get people in services in 1-2 weeks.

what a surprise to hear her say that she doesnt think a group is right for me....what a surprise to hear her suggest that a new start with someone there might be better - especially considering the continued difficulty current t and i have had communicating.

so, having flashes now - go figure, little annoying ones....and am conflicted about the whole thing. I finally felt comfortable with someone - for the first time - but i feel like im cheating on t. does that make sense? i dont want to give up on current t -- but it was so much easier talking to this person.

[WikidPissah]

I hope this particular situation works well for you, it sounds positive and hopeful. I don't think you are cheating on T...T sent you looking for dbt. I have heard that group dbt is best when combined with a dbt T. I didn't do well with dbt, but it is very limited where I live. The group I tried was not for beginners, but there is no beginners group. weird. Sometimes you can only go so far with one T and then you need to move on to get further. It doesn't mean your current T is bad, just that you need something else to bring you farther in the healing process.

[gelfling]

i thank you eileen for responding to my post. i know it is not as sexy as the other people here who are breaking down all over the place - but i was excited that i might actually be able to get help -

and well, true to her word, she called back a short time ago. the dbt group is OF COURSE a CLOSED group and wont start again until January --- really, geee SUCH A SURPRISE

i cant do this. i cant talk with people about things in dribs and drabs. im having flashes again from things 5 years ago ---- i am back to self destructive behaviors - -- i cant be vulnerable one minute and stong the next --- it is tearing me apart. im tired of fighting. im tired of feeling like im in a foreign country and dont know the language or the customs and there are no interpreters

im tired of being tired

im tired of not being seen or heard or understood - and of no one even considering taking the time to try to see me, hear me or understand me.

sorry for bothering all of you here.

[bpd2]

Gelfling--Not bothering at all! Your post is the stuff of our lives. I love it that this woman was easy to talk to. Even when I thought my t was stern when I met him, I still found him easy to talk to--he asked the right questions, treated me carefully when the going got tough, led me through some really tough times by not pressuring but giving me room and understanding. It does NOT sound like your current T has even this sort of demeanor. You HAVE to feel like you can talk to your T, and you have to feel like your T "sees" you. Without that, you don't have a relationship, and without a relationship, you don't have therapy. As for waiting for January for a group to open? That would be...what? Four weeks of therapy getting to know a T who knows DBT? That sounds just about right to me! That sounds like a good pace for progress in moving forward with steps toward healing. I'd go for it.

(You're not cheating on your T. If they don't want what's best for us, and if that entails a different approach, then what the heck were they doing seeing us for so long and taking up time that could have been better spent?--even if they had a good motive, like seeing us because we asked them to...)

[WikidPissah]

(((gelf)))
That sux. But January isn't that far away. Can you still switch to a T there? Maybe a T that knows DBT?

I know what it's like to be so unstable you can't get proper T. Learning skills like DBT make T much more tolerable. At one point I went into a 2 week residential program that combined dbt and other skills. The days were packed full of groups and private T. Being residential it got me thru a really unstable period, but it wasn't a hospital, so I had some freedom (as long as I attended every group and did my share of household chores). It has been a year since then, and I am surprised at the impact it has had on me. It is still very rough at times, but my impulse control is much better. Can you maybe see if there is something like that where you live?