I have a quick question and am probably in the wrong forum but this is the place I feel most comfortable. Has any of your T's ever mentioned being gaslighted? I have never heard of it and recently it came up in my therapy session. When T mentioned it, he briefly explained the concept. It was right before the holiday break and I was mad at T for telling me before our break, without the ability for me to process.I couldn't find the courage to ask more questions at my last session. I am experiencing alot of anxiety and fear. I did ask him for a diagnosis, but he didn't mention this...again. He said he doesn't like to give a diagnosis...He has to for insurance purposes. I asked what he has listed as my diagnosis and he said depression (dyst? depression).

[zooropa]

yes, I've heard of it. My T also calls it crazy-making.

[SenatorPenguin8081]

Originally Posted by lost in termination

I have a quick question and am probably in the wrong forum but this is the place I feel most comfortable. Has any of your T's ever mentioned being gaslighted? I have never heard of it and recently it came up in my therapy session. When T mentioned it, he briefly explained the concept. It was right before the holiday break and I was mad at T for telling me before our break, without the ability for me to process.I couldn't find the courage to ask more questions at my last session. I am experiencing alot of anxiety and fear. I did ask him for a diagnosis, but he didn't mention this...again. He said he doesn't like to give a diagnosis...He has to for insurance purposes. I asked what he has listed as my diagnosis and he said depression (dyst? depression).

Never heard of it. It is not a diagnosis ("gaslighted"). Can you explain what he meant by that? Why does the term seem to bother you?

Depression? What do you mean by "dyst"? "Dysthymia" maybe? Dysthymia or "Dysthymic Disorder" as it is also known is a form of chronic, low level depression.

Maybe you should consider writing down your questions and bringing them to sessions.

[bpd2]

There's an old movie called Gaslight. In it, a man tries to make his wife thinks she's crazy (cheating on her, money, etc.). One of his methods is to mess with the gas flow in the old lighting system, so that she is bothered by the fluctuation in the illumination, but he says, "No, I haven't noticed anything, poor dear...." Or something like that. (I think Angela Landsbury--of Murder She Wrote-- is the protagonist...lovely in her youth!)
So, gaslighting means doing sneaky things that make another person question their ability to discern reality.

[Bill3]

There is a thread on this topic:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=160145

[SenatorPenguin8081]

Originally Posted by bpd2

There's an old movie called Gaslight. In it, a man tries to make his wife thinks she's crazy (cheating on her, money, etc.). One of his methods is to mess with the gas flow in the old lighting system, so that she is bothered by the fluctuation in the illumination, but he says, "No, I haven't noticed anything, poor dear...." Or something like that. (I think Angela Landsbury--of Murder She Wrote-- is the protagonist...lovely in her youth!)
So, gaslighting means doing sneaky things that make another person question their ability to discern reality.

I can't possibly see how his T could have said that his patient was "gaslighting" in a positive way... not that he really detailed in what context this was said.

On another note, I do like old movies so I'll have to watch it sometime

Zoo, I think it can be. My T didn't explain in great detail but there was a circumstance with my H...He sent an email to my work and then denied it. I KNEW I did not send. H continued to deny until it was discovered in his email "sent" box. I don't think H is like this all the time, but I worry I might just be in denial.

T told me, "Hold onto those things you know are true!" I felt validated.

[bpd2]

It's a good movie...old black and white, creepy, Alfred Hitchcocky (Now there's a word for you....Hitchcocky...)

Originally Posted by SenatorPenguin8081

Never heard of it. It is not a diagnosis ("gaslighted"). Can you explain what he meant by that? Why does the term seem to bother you?

Depression? What do you mean by "dyst"? "Dysthymia" maybe? Dysthymia or "Dysthymic Disorder" as it is also known is a form of chronic, low level depression.

Maybe you should consider writing down your questions and bringing them to sessions.

No, you are correct...it is NOT a diagnosis. My T was saying it out of concern for me. Dysthymia Disorder is what he called it. I just wasn't certain of the first word. He did say it was a form of depression.

The term bothers me because of the concept behind it.

[sunrise]

I first heard the term in Deborah Lott's book, In session: the bond between women and their therapists. I had never heard of it before, but once I did, I saw right away that it was the perfect term for a certain dynamic between my (then) H and myself. He did it to me all the time. It feels really awful. Lost in Termination, I didn't understand how your T used the term "gaslighting" in your session. Was he saying that you had been gaslighted? By him? By someone else? Or was he saying that you were gaslighting him? I didn't understand how gaslighting related to what you wrote about diagnosis.

[SenatorPenguin8081]

Originally Posted by lost in termination

No, you are correct...it is NOT a diagnosis. My T was saying it out of concern for me. Dysthymia Disorder is what he called it. I just wasn't certain of the first word. He did say it was a form of depression.

The term bothers me because of the concept behind it.

Did he call you a crazy maker basically, or did he mean you were treated in such a way to make you question truth from reality, like bpd said about the movie?

[SenatorPenguin8081]

Originally Posted by lost in termination

Zoo, I think it can be. My T didn't explain in great detail but there was a circumstance with my H...He sent an email to my work and then denied it. I KNEW I did not send. H continued to deny until it was discovered in his email "sent" box. I don't think H is like this all the time, but I worry I might just be in denial.

T told me, "Hold onto those things you know are true!" I felt validated.

Okay this makes sense now. Sounds like your T was saying that your H was a crazy maker "gaslighter". Is you H trying to manipulate you?

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by lost in termination

there was a circumstance with my H...He sent an email to my work and then denied it. I KNEW I did not send. H continued to deny until it was discovered in his email "sent" box. I don't think H is like this all the time, but I worry I might just be in denial.

T told me, "Hold onto those things you know are true!" I felt validated.

OK, I understand now too. It really helps to be able to identify "gaslighting" when it is occurring. Instead of doubting your sanity, you realize the other person is just screwing with you. I don't really even know how people learn to do this (gaslight). I would never have been able to come up with this concept in order to do it. It's a tricky mind that does this to someone.

Originally Posted by SenatorPenguin8081

Did he call you a crazy maker basically, or did he mean you were treated in such a way to make you question truth from reality, like bpd said about the movie?

The second...I was treated in such a way to question what IS true?

[SenatorPenguin8081]

Originally Posted by lost in termination

The second...I was treated in such a way to question what IS true?

Well then its pretty clear that your T was saying that your H was a gaslighter and trying to make you doubt truth from reality. That your H is manipulative in this way makes my skin crawl.

here's the netflix link to gaslight. it's a b&w classic.

Originally Posted by sunrise

OK, I understand now too. It really helps to be able to identify "gaslighting" when it is occurring. Instead of doubting your sanity, you realize the other person is just screwing with you. I don't really even know how people learn to do this (gaslight). I would never have been able to come up with this concept in order to do it. It's a tricky mind that does this to someone.

Well, it's even more complicated that the above...

I developed transference with T#1. After almost a year in T, he terminated the relationship. (Actually, I was going to terminate. He asked to have the opportunity to work on the issues, so I went back. He terminated me the next day. I felt set up). I began seeing #2T (who happens to be friends with #1 T). After 1 1/2 years and many sessions where I would sit and cry over encounters with T#1, my T told me she felt I was becoming paranoid and obsessed. I felt she didn't believe me. She felt I was somehow "creating" the encounters even though many times, I would be some place and T would show up with his family or colleagues. I questioned myself. Could I be creating this somehow? I began doubting myself and wondering if what she said was true. I terminated.

I have been with T#3 for over a year. He is a male T. With him, I have continued to have encounters with #1T even though he has now moved out of town. (He would come back to town a few times a week and would randomly show up where I was eating with friends.) A few weeks ago, I received a strange call. I did a reverse phone search and the number is registered to #1 T's wife.

If gaslighting is occurring in my relationship with H, it explains my behavior with the above and why #2T would think I was paranoid. More importantly, it would explain why I was FRANTIC and panicked when she didn't believe me and why I feel like I have to PROVE everything unusual.

She would have NEVER believed T's wife called my cell phone( coincidentally or not). She would have seen me as crazy. Thankfully,this T really DID believe me! Of course, it helped that I had proof..although, I did NOT need it with this T.

[sunrise]

So it sounds like you have some gaslighting going on in therapy too, not just with your H? Sorry I'm getting a little confused. I am glad it sounds like it is cleared up with your Ts. I hope your H will stop his gaslighting of you. Maybe you can call him on it when you realize he is doing it. A couple of times I did try bringing it to my H's attention, but he would deny everything, even if he had just told me something moments before. He would pretend like that never happened and I was crazy. You can't even have a conversation with a person like that. What does your T suggest to do when your H gaslights you?

Originally Posted by sunrise

So it sounds like you have some gaslighting going on in therapy too, not just with your H? Sorry I'm getting a little confused. I am glad it sounds like it is cleared up with your Ts. I hope your H will stop his gaslighting of you. Maybe you can call him on it when you realize he is doing it. A couple of times I did try bringing it to my H's attention, but he would deny everything, even if he had just told me something moments before. He would pretend like that never happened and I was crazy. You can't even have a conversation with a person like that. What does your T suggest to do when your H gaslights you?

Yes, Sunrise,it is...CONFUSING! Gaslighting creates alot of self-doubt.

I don't think I am purposefully being gaslighted by H, and I don't think I have ever been gaslighted by T. The circumstances sound as such, but truthfully, I do believe the call was coincidental (Strange as that may sound?). I also do not believe our crossing paths is purposeful, either. It really doesn't matter other than to say, I understand why I respond the way I do to certain situations. In this particular situation....*I* didn't create it... cause it...or make it up. (ugh...more negative self talk from the CSA)

T really didn't have any suggestions for me, I think he didn't want to go into too much depth before the holiday break because he knew I would not be able to process. Honestly, it just felt GREAT to be with T and for the first time in a very long time, feel understood. Validated.

Originally Posted by sunrise

I first heard the term in Deborah Lott's book, In session: the bond between women and their therapists. I had never heard of it before, but once I did, I saw right away that it was the perfect term for a certain dynamic between my (then) H and myself. He did it to me all the time. It feels really awful. Lost in Termination, I didn't understand how your T used the term "gaslighting" in your session. Was he saying that you had been gaslighted? By him? By someone else? Or was he saying that you were gaslighting him? I didn't understand how gaslighting related to what you wrote about diagnosis.

Sunrise, do you mind sharing what it said about it in that book?

Also, my T's mention of gaslighting has nothing to do with my diagnosis other than I did not want to ask him directly about gaslighting this past week. So, I asked for my diagnosis. He didn't say I was crazy, he said I was depressed and he understands why I have HUGE issues with trust.