[mixedup_emotions]

Hi everyone....

I've been trying to keep up on reading the posts and am posting at times, but I've just been so drained and exhausted that I haven't had the energy to do much more.

I feel like I'm just existing, barely. Being in pain all the time will do that to you, I guess...

Tree's post really touched on something that has been bothering me since Christmas, and I guess I will raise it with T....

On Christmas, family got together...and my cousin's baby, about a year old, started crying....I was talking with my mom - and I stopped in mid-conversation asking what the baby was crying about....My mom replied with attitude, "She wants milk, and I don't have any here - so too bad"....and she went right back to the conversation that we were having. But I was no longer there....

I somehow drifted...and then panic took over....I walked out the room and told my cousin that I was going to the store to get the baby milk. I drove to the store - SO SO SO ANGRY that my mother would be so UNCARING and HEARTLESS. And the attitude I got from her was SO FAMILIAR.

I returned with the milk...and my mom was angry at me for walking off in the middle of a conversation with her.

It all got brushed under the carpet...and I kept trying to say to myself that I am making a bigger deal out of it in my head than I need to....But it keeps playing OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Maybe it goes back to my own childhood...dealing with my parents anger, the beatings, etc....YUCK.....But I don't know.

All these things that I avoid dealing with....the CSA, parent issues, my ex's abusiveness....BLECH....I wonder if I will ever get through to the other side. I'm so resistant to even taking more than a couple steps at a time....then standing still for a loooooong time before another itty bitty step is taken.

UGH.

[Fartraveler]

Good for you for taking care of the baby.

You did the right thing.

I don't think you're making a bigger deal out of it than it is. I think that your judgment of this situation and your behavior were correct.

I can see how this would be really triggering to you.

I am glad you cared for the baby, though.

(((((MUE))))

[Sannah]

I can see how that would trigger you.

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks for the validation....((( hugs )))

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I feel like I'm just existing, barely. Being in pain all the time will do that to you, I guess...

mixed, i was just reading in this great book i have, food--your miracle medicine, that fish oil taken regularly can cut migraines by up to 50%. they said some people who had them twice a week went down to 2 every other week and the severity was reduced significantly as well. don't know if you've tried that or not but since omega-3 fish oil is so great for health generally i thought i'd mention it.

[WePow]

((((((((((MUE)))))))))))) I can't say much due to inner stuff right now but wanted to let you know I read your post and care and sending hugs your way.