[WePow]

Ok, this post may sound way off to some - so word of warning as we enter Wen's very wierd world!

I have practiced automatic writing for many years now. I use it to work with my alters ( DX of DID ) and I don't personally ascribe anything supernatural to it. I don't deny it either. It is just a tool I use because it gives me access to those parts of my brain where the alters "live" and I need to be able to communicate with myself in this way. And for me, it really works. I sometimes use a pen with my left hand, but I am so fast that I usually now just let my left hand finger "write" on my left leg while sitting as I can just "gather" what I am saying to myself.

Anyway, all of that to say that the other night I was really missing my T and he had talked about having me get intouch with the internal T he is helping me develop. Sooo... hee hee... I decided to use my auto handwriting skill and see if I could "contact" that "internal T" he described.

So I hold my Hope Stone my T gave me with my right hand and then let my left hand be ready to write and I started to talk with my T just as if he were infront of me.

IT WORKED!!!!

It shocked me because the answers were NOT what I would have thought, but they were what he would have told me. ((Which is why I go to him anyway! )) So I did it today while at work when I was being stressed about stuff and it was like having my T on an internal speed dial!

For example, today I was once again not happy with my job and so I asked my "internal T" what he would advise based on how I felt.

That part of me responded "What would you tell me if I said I only did therapy work for the money?"

I answered "I would tell you to get a new job!"

Internal T answered "So...?"

I said "So What? What am I supposed to do!"

Internal T: "Somewhere out there is something that you will love."


Now I might be totally off my rocker at this point, but it sure is feeling very nice to have my own T at my fingertips! LOL

Oh and just to be funny I asked my internal T if I had to pay for these sessions too - "he" said "You only have to pay for the body."

I get it, and I think that's really amazing. Thanks for sharing.

[BlackCanary]

that's an excellent story!
I'm starting to get my new T's voice in my head - it amuses me. The version in my head is even more direct than she is!! It's a good voice.

[geez]

That is amazing ((WePow))! I wish I could have an internal T! - someday I hope to be strong enough to not need mine anymore when I have my 'own'. Thanks so much for sharing!

[granite1]

you made me laugh

[rainbow8]

That's wonderful, WePow! I think having an internal-t is the goal for all therapy. It certainly is cheaper! it's what my T is trying to do when she says I have a Self who can eventually lead the parts without T being involved.

So, are you going to listen to internal-t?
I once went to a lecture about writing with your non-dominant hand and found it fascinating. I tried journaling that way and it was interesting.

[sugahorse1]

That's awesome - kind of makes me jealous you have an internal-T; lol.
But it shows how far you've come

[venusss]

well, I lead long dialogues with myself too. Or my space guardians.

[WePow]

Thanks guys :-) Rainbow, yesterday I DID listen to my internal T :-)
For example, my real T always tells me to take lots of breaks at work when things get heavy. And they told us about adding a TON of new customers this quarter and more stuff - and we were already maxed!!! So I went for a break and was doing the autohandwriting and I said "What do I do today with all this work!" My auto-T said said "Just take breaks and come out here and talk to me like you are doing right now!"
I totally LOL'd on that one !!!!

It is VERY cool to be able to hear my T in this way and get responses that I feel safe about! I am anxious for session on Friday so I can see what he says about all this!!